JustGrand Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I might be a little paranoid. But I always feel its hard to have a normal conversation through chain mailing each other back and forth. And it always seems like its just question and answer and a little bit of commentary on each others answer. a comment like "oh. I like that you do that." This is a typical starting out of a typical conversation through messaging. Me (intro message): Hi. I'm (name). How are you? Her: I'm good. How about you? Me: Oh I'm doing great. So, what do you like to do? Her: (She list the activities she likes to do). How about you? Me: (I list a lot of things I like to do). Have you ever tried this? Her. No I haven't tried it. (and it continues in this manner,) I feel a little dull continuing conversation style like this. I could never keep on one subject or topic for very long. To the best of my experience, continuing conversation like this dies very quick to me and then frequency of conversations kind of fade until we don't really message back anymore. The only way it lasted was switching from messaging to phone calling or skyping rather quickly. But that is another problem too. there are a lot of people that don't like to go to phone call or Skype. Or at least to my experience. Some do though. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Oh yeah... If I were a woman I'd ignore that **** lol. You need to talk about something that sparks her interest, maybe a photo of a place she's been, or something you read in her profile. Or just something funny.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 To be honest, I'm genuinely shocked you get responses sending an email that says "Hi (your name), How are you?" Consider yourself lucky that they actually write you back. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 OLD has become a disaster. No, people just don't know how to use it lol. It's not a solution for bad social skills. 3
gaius Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 OLD has become a disaster. How are you Auspecial? It's better to get in her head and try to figure out something she might find interesting, and hasn't heard before. Hasn't heard before being incredibly important. I noticed one girl was unusually tall in a picture, so I started out with how I bet guys are intimidated by your height, but I won't be. And that sparked a conversation about how i was right about that. Think I got the phone number like 3 messages later. 1
Author JustGrand Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 To be honest, I'm genuinely shocked you get responses sending an email that says "Hi (your name), How are you?" Consider yourself lucky that they actually write you back. yeah....some do but majority don't respond. I never knew if it was me or if the website was full of fake profiles or something. I suppose I do need a bit of trying something new with my approach. I would say I have poor social skills when it comes to girls.
Author JustGrand Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 How are you Auspecial? It's better to get in her head and try to figure out something she might find interesting, and hasn't heard before. Hasn't heard before being incredibly important. I noticed one girl was unusually tall in a picture, so I started out with how I bet guys are intimidated by your height, but I won't be. And that sparked a conversation about how i was right about that. Think I got the phone number like 3 messages later. I will try this out and experiment with it and see how it works. This sounds pretty hard though to figure out what she likes or to guess her interests then sending messages she hasn't heard before. Thanks for the tip.
Penguin_hugs Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I used OLD- I met my BF on POF. I found that I was more inclined to reply if the person had messaged me about something interesting that was on my profile- it meant more that someone had taken the time to read about me rather than just sent a generic message after seeing my face! E.g. I mentioned that I do a lot of homebaking and good messages would ask things like- what do I like to bake? What's my favourite cake? An anecdote about a baking disaster etc 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I used OLD- I met my BF on POF. I found that I was more inclined to reply if the person had messaged me about something interesting that was on my profile- it meant more that someone had taken the time to read about me rather than just sent a generic message after seeing my face! E.g. I mentioned that I do a lot of homebaking and good messages would ask things like- what do I like to bake? What's my favourite cake? An anecdote about a baking disaster etc Yeah - those are things that I would typically e-mail women on Match. Throwing a net out and saying "Hi how are you?" to 200 women isn't my cup of tea.
Auspecial Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I might be a little paranoid. But I always feel its hard to have a normal conversation through chain mailing each other back and forth. And it always seems like its just question and answer and a little bit of commentary on each others answer. a comment like "oh. I like that you do that." This is a typical starting out of a typical conversation through messaging. Me (intro message): Hi. I'm (name). How are you? Her: I'm good. How about you? Me: Oh I'm doing great. So, what do you like to do? Her: (She list the activities she likes to do). How about you? Me: (I list a lot of things I like to do). Have you ever tried this? Her. No I haven't tried it. (and it continues in this manner,) I feel a little dull continuing conversation style like this. I could never keep on one subject or topic for very long. To the best of my experience, continuing conversation like this dies very quick to me and then frequency of conversations kind of fade until we don't really message back anymore. The only way it lasted was switching from messaging to phone calling or skyping rather quickly. But that is another problem too. there are a lot of people that don't like to go to phone call or Skype. Or at least to my experience. Some do though. Therein lies the FAILURE of on line dating. Its become a never-ending loop of dead-end conversations.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Therein lies the FAILURE of on line dating. Its become a never-ending loop of dead-end conversations. You can't use this one reason to declare OLD as a whole a "failure". There are plenty of people who use it as a tool to exchange some quick banter, 3-5 messages and ask to meet up for a drink and go from there. Is it failed for them too because some people have no concept on how to utilize OLD? 1
mammasita Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 That IS dull. What does she talk about in her profile? Anything witty, funny? Play off of that. I would be bored with that conversation too. 1
MGX Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Why not choose something from her profile that you might identify with and comment about it as a conversation starter. "I see you work in ________. I used to work there. The commute is crazy, isn't it?" Or if she is a fan of something that you are familiar with, ask her a question pertaining to the subject. In helping you out with your question, it turns into a conversation. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 That IS dull. What does she talk about in her profile? Anything witty, funny? Play off of that. I would be bored with that conversation too. In all fairness there is the occasional girl on match who is a 9/10 or 10/10 and their profile has exactly ONE short paragraph saying how outgoing and funny they are, and they want someone kind-hearted, blah blah. Upon reading it you realize that there's absolutely nothing to talk to them about. I write them off as the shallow girls who are just going for a One Night Stand with a hot guy.
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You need to inject some humor in your communication! Also don't limit yourself to a one sentence reply! Get the conversation going with something witty and out of the box. I dislike the question 'what do you do for fun' most people have already put it in their profile. When I get that question sometimes I answer 'I do fun stuff' and I change the subject. As a first message 'hello I am Joblow, how are you' is ok, it's just a first contact to show you are interested in her profile and if she does like yours she will reply no matter what is your first message. After she got back to you though you need more substance to grab her attention. 2
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 You need to inject some humor in your communication! Also don't limit yourself to a one sentence reply! Get the conversation going with something witty and out of the box. I dislike the question 'what do you do for fun' most people have already put it in their profile. When I get that question sometimes I answer 'I do fun stuff' and I change the subject. As a first message 'hello I am Joblow, how are you' is ok, it's just a first contact to show you are interested in her profile and if she does like yours she will reply no matter what is your first message. After she got back to you though you need more substance to grab her attention. - What Gaeta said is perfect, I could not say it better myself. Here is some real live banter in messages from an online dating site: you said Feb 21 Hi, Is that a... Hi, > >Is that a bulldog in one of your photos? And what is the other dog? > >- Gary she said >Feb 21 >Re:Hi, Is that a... >Hey Gary, I have an English Bulldog, Bacon. The other dog is a co-worker. >you said >>Feb 21 >>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>Awe, and you made your dog's name part of your username. Very cute! >>she said >>>Feb 21 >>>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>>Well who doesn't love Bacon lol >>you said >>>Feb 21 >>>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>>Funny you should say that... I was thinking that every time you call the dog's name.... >>>> >>>>..............wait for it........... >>you said >>>Feb 21 >>>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>>.......don't you get hungry?!!!!! >>>> >>>>Now I have this strange urge for a pizza with bacon.... you are trouble, lol! >she said >>Feb 21 >>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>A little pizza never hurt anyone, see no trouble lol >you said >>Feb 21 >>Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >>Ha-Ha! You're funny! Now I'm going to have to pick up something for lunch when I leave for my afternoon fishing excursion.... maybe a bacon burger! >>> >>>My friend has a bulldog... and a chihuahua.... I love those dogs, have not seen them for awhile, I miss them.... I'm going through withdraws. >>> >>>Okay, okay, I give.... since you have a bulldog..... >>> >>>.........wait for it.......... you said >Feb 21 >Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >......I'll date you! >> >>I hope you get my sense of humor..... it's all fun and games until someone looses an eye! she said >Feb 21 >Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >Fishing today?? Be careful it's rough out there you said >Feb 21 >Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >Thank you for your concern, that's very nice of you. If you don't stop being so nice to me, I might have to ask for your number ; she said >Feb 21 >Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >Let's see if you catch any fish first lol you said >Feb 21 >Re: Re:Hi, Is that a... >Ohhhh, you are naughty ; >> >>Keep up the good work! 3
Author JustGrand Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Wow. I really need to change the way I message people and even content in the message. Everyone here is saying I have been doing it all wrong since the beginning. Thanks for all the advice and visuals on good examples to start out with. I appreciate all of it and it really does help a lot with what to do. To be honest, I have been doing this for a total of 4 months all together. I actually do read the profiles and not just look at the picture and I actually have been paying to be a member to talk. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that right now while also telling everybody the kinds of messages I've been sending. It kind of makes me want to delete my profile and start all over again. and would it have made a difference if she showed interest in me first? perhaps a message, or perhaps one of those pre-programmed flirts in the site that you can just send everybody just by clicking it. it just comes up as "She's flirting with you, Are you interested?"
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 and would it have made a difference if she showed interest in me first? - It's best when they show interest first. I don't even run searches for women anymore, I don't do cold contacts. I only contact women who have viewed my profile first. But that may not work well on all dating sites, and for everyone. And I have a very good profile (but I don't look like brad Pit - I look more like Pitbull, lol). If you are not getting enough views, you should do searches and contact ladies. By the way, the woman in the profile did give me her number, and I am still dating her. We have a date Saturday night
Gaeta Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 and would it have made a difference if she showed interest in me first? perhaps a message, or perhaps one of those pre-programmed flirts in the site that you can just send everybody just by clicking it. it just comes up as "She's flirting with you, Are you interested?" If a lady shows interest in you by any mean of course it's a good sign but don't sit there and wait for those flirts to come in because you will be waiting for a long long time. Unfortunately men have to provide most of the elbow grease on dating sites. As a woman, I don't reply to these flirts. If you are a big grown up man than you are capable to put together a full sentence and message me, right? Also, get yourself a good quote. Something that will grab attention. I love Mae West quotes. Last time I used :He who hesitates is a damned fool. That brought me on a lot of funny first messages.
Gary S Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I love Mae West quotes. Last time I used :He who hesitates is a damned fool. That brought me on a lot of funny first messages. - you mean like this?! "When I'm good I'm great. But when I'm bad, I'm better" This is not May: "I'm not really bad, just drawn that way" - I say those lines to women in public too... it's a scream!
Penguin_hugs Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 And take note that if a girl messages you first- then it's likely she's really interested. People are always shocked that I message my BF first on POF because I am pretty shy in real life- but his profile kept appearing and I kept viewing it- and he didn't send me a message! So I decided to be impulsive and message him first. Turns out he is just incredibly shy and had spent the last 3 days trying to work out what to say! So it goes both ways really!
Redhead14 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I might be a little paranoid. But I always feel its hard to have a normal conversation through chain mailing each other back and forth. And it always seems like its just question and answer and a little bit of commentary on each others answer. a comment like "oh. I like that you do that." This is a typical starting out of a typical conversation through messaging. Me (intro message): Hi. I'm (name). How are you? Her: I'm good. How about you? Me: Oh I'm doing great. So, what do you like to do? Her: (She list the activities she likes to do). How about you? Me: (I list a lot of things I like to do). Have you ever tried this? Her. No I haven't tried it. (and it continues in this manner,) I feel a little dull continuing conversation style like this. I could never keep on one subject or topic for very long. To the best of my experience, continuing conversation like this dies very quick to me and then frequency of conversations kind of fade until we don't really message back anymore. The only way it lasted was switching from messaging to phone calling or skyping rather quickly. But that is another problem too. there are a lot of people that don't like to go to phone call or Skype. Or at least to my experience. Some do though. GaryS, I wouldn't put all the responsibility on you for these conversations. She didn't put in or contribute much more to the conversation either. So that says something too. It's always awkward for both parties. All you really need to do is come up with a more interesting opening. Yeah, start with your name and then mention something that's going on at the moment in the news and how she feels about it or mention something in their profile like "I'm happy to be talking with you, so and so, I was doing just fine until I stumbled upon a girl who claims Toy Story 2 is the best movie in the trilogy! Care to explain yourself?" or "I see you like to travel, what places do you plan to visit this year and why? Ask questions that evoke more detailed response, not just a listing of things she likes to do, what is she likes and why does she like it, etc. Usually these kinds of thought evoking questions wind into another subject or aspect of thinking. Like, if she did like Toy Story what other animiated movies does she like and what is it about animated movies that interest her, etc. It's really the opening that gets things started.
Recommended Posts