kolleamm Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ok so here's what I tried in terms of finding a gf. 1.Messaging women on Okcupid. - biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 2.Messaging women on POF. - 2nd biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 3.Long Distance Relationships via language/cultural exchange sites - lasted a few months and failed (cheating) 4. Fitness Meetups - people kept to themselves a lot or came with someone 5. College - Probably the better approach but interactions were often too limited 6. Facebook - Old female friends all taken and completely changed even if they liked me before 7. Anywhere else in real life - extremely slow and limited dating pool Anyone got any other ideas I could try I'm kinda out lol I was thinking I could get ripped and then try the list again, but it seems so pointless. I mean I could send another 500,000 messages but if I have to send out that many what does that say about me.
preraph Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Take a part-time weekend job in retail or a restaurant or bar. You'll meet all the employees, make new friends and meet some customers. 1
mario_C Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Well, unfortunately, the answer is all 7 - repeat until successful. If you are getting no replies back from your correspondence, there's a possibility you need to change up your communication. OK Cupid has these stats, for example, explaining how to do it. Getting ripped is certainly an option if you really want to devote yourself to it, and have the time to. But either way, practicing a healthy active lifestyle is vital for looking and feeling your sexiest and most positive. And review your pics - sorry again, but the race belongs to the photogenic. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Multiple approaches are you best bet. No one method works better than any other but certain ones work better for certain people. Since fitness is important to you, how about joining a co-ed sports team? Telling friends & family you are open to being fixed up is another time honored method.
Starship Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 None at this point. Your negativity and lack of confidence are quite a turn off. Change your attitude or stay single....forever. Tens of millions have met great partners through college, OLD, Meet Ups...why not you? You must have some flaw so figure it out. You don't need another venue to be a failure attracting women...you have that down to a science already. Pouty, negative boys need to become assertive, confident men. When you finally figure this out, you will be more successful with women. 'I tried....'. No,you didn't try as a MAN...you tried as a boy. 2
Author kolleamm Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 None at this point. Your negativity and lack of confidence are quite a turn off. Change your attitude or stay single....forever. Tens of millions have met great partners through college, OLD, Meet Ups...why not you? You must have some flaw so figure it out. You don't need another venue to be a failure attracting women...you have that down to a science already. Pouty, negative boys need to become assertive, confident men. When you finally figure this out, you will be more successful with women. 'I tried....'. No,you didn't try as a MAN...you tried as a boy. I'm pretty sure my looks are my problem, I'm not super skinny but don't have much mass either so that's why I thought getting ripped would help. I'm 5'8 and weigh 138 lbs Confidence...trust me I have it, even if I didn't have it, it wouldn't make much of a difference. Dating judges you on looks. But you are right about me not needing another avenue to search.
endlessabyss Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 None at this point. Your negativity and lack of confidence are quite a turn off. Change your attitude or stay single....forever. Tens of millions have met great partners through college, OLD, Meet Ups...why not you? You must have some flaw so figure it out. You don't need another venue to be a failure attracting women...you have that down to a science already. Pouty, negative boys need to become assertive, confident men. When you finally figure this out, you will be more successful with women. 'I tried....'. No,you didn't try as a MAN...you tried as a boy. I feel some type of hatred or bitterness behind this post. I don't see where voicing frustration is a detriment? Everyone does it. The advice given here is so generic, it's hardly even helpful: You're negative; you're a failure, get confident.......you sound mad. If I was the OP I would just lay off the search for a while. 5
insert_name Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 None at this point. Your negativity and lack of confidence are quite a turn off. Change your attitude or stay single....forever. Tens of millions have met great partners through college, OLD, Meet Ups...why not you? You must have some flaw so figure it out. You don't need another venue to be a failure attracting women...you have that down to a science already. Pouty, negative boys need to become assertive, confident men. When you finally figure this out, you will be more successful with women. 'I tried....'. No,you didn't try as a MAN...you tried as a boy. If I had a quid for every time I have met a guy with a bad attitude who is in a successful relationship then I would be able to retire. 4
the tank Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Do you have girls friends ? Maybe they could help you !
Toodaloo Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 but girls are pouty and negative if they go a week single. FFS If you want to go out with childish little girls then yes go for Miss Pouty chops. If you don't then get off of your bum, open your eyes and see that women are human beings and talk to them as such. You might get somewhere then. The latest guy I am meeting up with - I didn't even look at his picture. He is funny, made me feel good, seems to have morals and ethics. He is interesting, carefree and happy. That all came across in his messages. Read profiles and refer to them in a fun and enthusiastic way. Thats what he did and he has a date based on who he is rather than his looks. 2
Moy Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ok so here's what I tried in terms of finding a gf. 1.Messaging women on Okcupid. - biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 2.Messaging women on POF. - 2nd biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 3.Long Distance Relationships via language/cultural exchange sites - lasted a few months and failed (cheating) 4. Fitness Meetups - people kept to themselves a lot or came with someone 5. College - Probably the better approach but interactions were often too limited 6. Facebook - Old female friends all taken and completely changed even if they liked me before 7. Anywhere else in real life - extremely slow and limited dating pool Anyone got any other ideas I could try I'm kinda out lol I was thinking I could get ripped and then try the list again, but it seems so pointless. I mean I could send another 500,000 messages but if I have to send out that many what does that say about me. I'm 40, 5ft 8 like you (cardinal sin in the world of OLD) and as a result of working out, I'm currently 170lbs at 14% body fat. I've had my self worth completely obliterated by women on OLD sites and also in real life in the past two years that I've been single. I am still in shock at how generally cold, vapid, nasty and heartless they are compared to when I was last single in my early 30s. "Who cares if I'm 300lbs, with a mountain of debt, body odour, 12 kids by 12 fathers, a uni-brow and I still live with my parents? Brad Pitt but with Bill Gates' money or f*** off, loser!" is the common attitude these days. There comes a point though, "a fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" epiphany where you realise that you are having to up your game to chase the approval of something that you actually aren't even interested in or attracted to. It's just a visceral need for validation in the form of 'being with somebody.' I've had all of my love, affection, companionship, warmth, consideration and hope beaten out of me in the past couple of years. I'm actually not interested in women anymore and it has given me the most liberated feeling that I've felt in years. There's nothing out there. Stop wasting your time looking for nothing. Just be the best you....for YOU, not the validation of others. 7
organizedchaos Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ok so here's what I tried in terms of finding a gf. 1.Messaging women on Okcupid. - biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 2.Messaging women on POF. - 2nd biggest fail of anything I've ever done in 3.Long Distance Relationships via language/cultural exchange sites - lasted a few months and failed (cheating) 4. Fitness Meetups - people kept to themselves a lot or came with someone 5. College - Probably the better approach but interactions were often too limited 6. Facebook - Old female friends all taken and completely changed even if they liked me before 7. Anywhere else in real life - extremely slow and limited dating pool Anyone got any other ideas I could try I'm kinda out lol I was thinking I could get ripped and then try the list again, but it seems so pointless. I mean I could send another 500,000 messages but if I have to send out that many what does that say about me. Maybe you need to change your profile. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/519569-i-look-like-fashionista
MGX Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I wouldn't worry about a girlfriend. Stay single, keep your money and find entertainment for yourself! None at this point. Your negativity and lack of confidence are quite a turn off. Change your attitude or stay single....forever. Tens of millions have met great partners through college, OLD, Meet Ups...why not you? You must have some flaw so figure it out. You don't need another venue to be a failure attracting women...you have that down to a science already. Pouty, negative boys need to become assertive, confident men. When you finally figure this out, you will be more successful with women. 'I tried....'. No,you didn't try as a MAN...you tried as a boy. He DID try as a man. Women didn't like him and they are way less familiar with him than you are. Assertive and confident means nothing if you aren't into him PERIOD. 2
oldshirt Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 5'8" and 138 is skinny. Follow Starting Strength or Strong Lifts 5x5 to the letter for at least six months then try again. I was 5'10" and 140 when I graduated high school and for several years there after so I know the challenge. A skinny man is analogous to a fat chick. Untill you get the body composition in order everything else is kind of spitting in the wind. Just keep telling yourself muscles on men are like boobs on a woman. 3
Moy Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 5'8" and 138 is skinny. Follow Starting Strength or Strong Lifts 5x5 to the letter for at least six months then try again. I was 5'10" and 140 when I graduated high school and for several years there after so I know the challenge. A skinny man is analogous to a fat chick. Untill you get the body composition in order everything else is kind of spitting in the wind. Just keep telling yourself muscles on men are like boobs on a woman. This. Bench, Squat, Deadlift, Overhead Press and Bent Over Row are the five exercises that will definitely help you to put on some beef. Research your diet, too. Eat clean with plenty of protein and carbs (you need carbes to fuel your growing muscles, they are not the enemy that they are made out to be. There are unrefined carbs and refined carbs.) 1
Toodaloo Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 One thing that will really put any woman off is desperation. So if you do all of this, as Moy says - do it for yourself not someone else. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) I mean I could send another 500,000 messages but if I have to send out that many what does that say about me. It doesn't really say that much about you as much as that's just the 'way things are'. You know exactly how many women you need to message before one gives you a chance or likes you. Is it 5, 10, 25, 100? For every guy it's different. The purpose of many, many people on this website is to cut you down and make you feel like rejection with women is YOUR fault. That you are bitter, and evil. They are the bitter and evil people. Women pass on you because they don't like you and you can't do anything about it. Don't bother trying to find reasons why unless they are really obvious, i.e. platonic friends tell you that you smell or you are an a@@hole, etc. Just keep trying and don't let it affect your self worth. Edited March 13, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember 3
oldshirt Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) It doesn't really say that much about you as much as that's just the 'way things are'. You know exactly how many women you need to message before one gives you a chance or likes you. Is it 5, 10, 25, 100? For every guy it's different. The purpose of many, many people on this website is to cut you down and make you feel like rejection with women is YOUR fault. That you are bitter, and evil. They are the bitter and evil people. Women pass on you because they don't like you and you can't do anything about it. Don't bother trying to find reasons why unless they are really obvious, i.e. platonic friends tell you that you smell or you are an a@@hole, etc. Just keep trying and don't let it affect your self worth. I disagree. If someone is having roadblock after roadblock getting dates or establishing healthy relationships it is about them and it is on them to make themselves into a desirable person that people want to be with. Let's turn this around and make it a female that can't buy a date to save her life and she says that she is 100lbs overweight but has pretty blue eyes. If she wants to improve her chances in the dating market should she search the world over and spend years looking for a man that likes pretty blue eyes so much he's willing to overlook the weight or should she focus her energies on losing weight and getting healthy and vigorous so she will appeal more to the wider audience? It's not that people are cutting anyone down but rather pointing out where the most work would have the most benifit. Would the 250lb woman benifit more from signing on to other dating websites and throwing her net wider or would her efforts be more efficacious if they were spent increasing her own personal level of attractiveness? Edited March 13, 2015 by oldshirt
Starship Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I disagree. If someone is having roadblock after roadblock getting dates or establishing healthy relationships it is about them and it is on them to make themselves into a desirable person that people want to be with. Let's turn this around and make it a female that can't buy a date to save her life and she says that she is 100lbs overweight but has pretty blue eyes. If she wants to improve her chances in the dating market should she search the world over and spend years looking for a man that likes pretty blue eyes so much he's willing to overlook the weight or should she focus her energies on losing weight and getting healthy and vigorous so she will appeal more to the wider audience? It's not that people are cutting anyone down but rather pointing out where the most work would have the most benifit. Would the 250lb woman benifit more from signing on to other dating websites and throwing her net wider or would her efforts be more efficacious if they were spent increasing her own personal level of attractiveness? Exactly! No other 'means' of finding a girlfriend will do anything. The 'means' he has at his disposal result in millions of relationships. Why not him? Time for self reflection. 1
insert_name Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 This. Bench, Squat, Deadlift, Overhead Press and Bent Over Row are the five exercises that will definitely help you to put on some beef. Research your diet, too. Eat clean with plenty of protein and carbs (you need carbes to fuel your growing muscles, they are not the enemy that they are made out to be. There are unrefined carbs and refined carbs.) Whilst having a girlfriend would undoubtedly add to my life if I have to eat 3000+ calories a day + lift weights just to achieve it then it starts to go well past the cost benefit analysis. That sort of bulking is seriously hard work, I tried it briefly and if thats what it takes to earn the 'privilege' of dating an average girl then no thanks, I'll stay single. 2
Author kolleamm Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 You guys are all definitely right. It's time for a self reflection not for another 5 years of searching the Earth endlessly. I'm fairly convinced getting myself in better shape will help. And if that doesn't work even after achieving the physique I was after then I'll do what the others have said and just focus on myself since in that case there really would be nothing out there. 1
serial muse Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 That sort of bulking is seriously hard work, I tried it briefly and if thats what it takes to earn the 'privilege' of dating an average girl then no thanks, I'll stay single. The thing is, that's really not what the average girl wants anyway. Some might, sure, but IME men are more interested in the muscles of other men than women tend to be. Edited to add: Baseline stuff can help, certainly, but I don't think one needs a rigorous intense program just to get a date. That's far above and beyond, akin to that thread that was floating around a while back about "skinny fit" on women. 3
MGX Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It doesn't really say that much about you as much as that's just the 'way things are'. You know exactly how many women you need to message before one gives you a chance or likes you. Is it 5, 10, 25, 100? For every guy it's different. Women pass on you because they don't like you and you can't do anything about it. Don't bother trying to find reasons why unless they are really obvious, i.e. platonic friends tell you that you smell or you are an a@@hole, etc. Just keep trying and don't let it affect your self worth. I liked your post because there are men who have nothing wrong with them and still can't find anyone. Overweight guys can find Overweight women. Ugly guys can find ugly women. Small guys can find small women. People alot worse off with criminal pasts, substance abuse problems, psychological issues and violent behavior get into relationships, but these people are the anomalies. There are some people who aren't meant to find anyone. 4
serial muse Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I liked your post because there are men who have nothing wrong with them and still can't find anyone. Overweight guys can find Overweight women. Ugly guys can find ugly women. Small guys can find small women. People alot worse off with criminal pasts, substance abuse problems, psychological issues and violent behavior get into relationships, but these people are the anomalies. There are some people who aren't meant to find anyone. Well, I don't really believe that anyone is "meant" to find anyone. But I think that shutting one's ears to advice is going to be self-fulfilling. Yes, people can go overboard and yes the challenges vary for different people. But JJS's response is basically saying to reject all advice given on here out of a fear that it will be hurtful to hear that you might have areas in which to improve, and that is extremely short-sighted IMO. Presumably people come here for others' thoughts and for other viewpoints, not for an echo chamber telling you what you want to hear. There are other fora for that.
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