henderson14 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 My brother and I live 6 hours from home, and my brother is married to his wife who grew up in this area. He seems to get mad when my social life doesn't allow me to be a part of group gatherings involving his and her family (me and sometimes my parents) and her relatives. I am single and go to these things alone and don't really care to be spending much time around the couples and family who isn't mine. They are his family and not mine. I just feel uncomfortable around them. I'm guessing that because he lacks friends and family in the area, that he thinks I should be involved more to make up for it. Anyways, this weekend is the baby shower and my parents are coming up along with one of his friends. Even though they will be there, its not like I will be spending quality time with them because of all the other people. After they are continuing the party at their place. I said I will be there, but was leaving early on Saturday because I have plans(more fun) to celebrate St Pattys day. He seemed to get mad. Am I right and is this normal?
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Especially if you don't get to see your brother often, suck it up. Perhaps invite him to join your St. patrick's day celebrations. Is there any possibility that any of the shower attendees are also single so you can meet someone?
Author henderson14 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Especially if you don't get to see your brother often, suck it up. Perhaps invite him to join your St. patrick's day celebrations. Is there any possibility that any of the shower attendees are also single so you can meet someone? How can he join me if they are having a baby shower party afterwards? That is why I am leaving early. Please read my posts thoroughly. And I can see my brother any weekend he wants to come down to my place because we live in the same city. No single attendees. Just couples.
rester Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe he wants you to be there because he also feels uncomfortable around his in-laws, or maybe he wants you there because he values his time with you, and doesn't get to spend much time with you otherwise.
Author henderson14 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe he wants you to be there because he also feels uncomfortable around his in-laws, or maybe he wants you there because he values his time with you, and doesn't get to spend much time with you otherwise. I am going to be there, but just leaving early and after the "party" starts later.
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 How can he join me if they are having a baby shower party afterwards? That is why I am leaving early. Please read my posts thoroughly. And I can see my brother any weekend he wants to come down to my place because we live in the same city. No single attendees. Just couples. Therein lies the rub: you expect your married brother to come to you. Especially with a baby on the way, he doesn't have that kind of freedom. Sorry I missed the part about the party afterwards. Nothing in your post said anything about all the shower attendees being part of a couple. Even if there are other people in the house, he wants you there. He wants you to be happy about being an uncle. There will be other St. Patrick's Days. This will be the only time your brother is having this party for his new child.
Author henderson14 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Therein lies the rub: you expect your married brother to come to you. Especially with a baby on the way, he doesn't have that kind of freedom. Sorry I missed the part about the party afterwards. Nothing in your post said anything about all the shower attendees being part of a couple. Even if there are other people in the house, he wants you there. He wants you to be happy about being an uncle. There will be other St. Patrick's Days. This will be the only time your brother is having this party for his new child. No. I visit him more than he visits me. My point is that he can come to see me anytime he wants if it's so important. And as I pointed out twice, I will be there.
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 No. I visit him more than he visits me. My point is that he can come to see me anytime he wants if it's so important. And as I pointed out twice, I will be there. Your Q focused on the fact that your brother seemed to be mad that you were leaving. So my response was I can understand why he's upset. He wants you to be excited about this baby & stay for ALL of the festivities. You are choosing to leave & do something else that you deem more valuable / more important than his child. I'm not saying that one of you is right & the other is wrong. I am pointing out to you why he seems upset. What you do with my theory is entirely up to you.
mrs rubble Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Yeah your attitude is pretty normal for a single childless guy. Stick to your plans, you're making an effort to be there, he should be pleased with that. When/if you ever have a family of your own, you'll understand where he's coming from.
rester Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I thought the OP was a woman. My response was more in general to the idea of hanging out with his brother and his in-laws without considering the specific instance of a baby shower. I can see why his brother is upset, but at the same time, as a man, I wouldn't be going to the baby shower at all. In my experience men have usually gotten more of a free pass on the baby shower thing. Let him be upset, OP. There are plenty of other ways to be a great uncle and support your brother and his family.
Author henderson14 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Yeah your attitude is pretty normal for a single childless guy. Stick to your plans, you're making an effort to be there, he should be pleased with that. When/if you ever have a family of your own, you'll understand where he's coming from. Well I've had girlfriends before and I NEVER expected him to tag along for her family's parties all day long, even if my parents were coming. Especially if he was single and had other things to do on a Saturday evening. I will be attending the man shower activities and missing the after party with drinking in the evening. 1
Recommended Posts