preraph Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I think you're right. Because he mad flirted with me when he first knew me, but I guess something turned him off bout me, and he just likes me as a friend now. I don't know how that can happen though, because I when I had a crush on a guy, I never had it switch to "Oh, I only like him as a friend." lol. I guess something must've been a turn off to him. Oh well. Thank you. It could be because you have so many irons in the fire. If you have talked to him as a friend like you do on this board about guys doing things you don't like but that you nonetheless keep seeking attention from, he may have picked up on that and that does come across as a red flag. 3
Eighty_nine Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 He doesn't want to have sex with you because he doesn't see you as girlfriend material and he knows you may get attached if you have sex. That's as complicated as this is (so, not very). 2
EgoJoe Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that I think he got scared or was insecure. In the future just touch his leg or make extreme eye contact. If he really is not interested he will not pick up on it at all. Also, if a girl jokingly offered me a blowjob when I was younger I would take it with a grain of salt. In summary there is not enough evidence to make a judgment one way or the other here. If you're attracted to the guy you can find out more if not and it was just a drunken escapade that you're feeling a little embarrassed of the rejection that followed then I would advise you to talk to him about it in a non confrontational manner. Use a lot of "I" statements and take ownership of your feelings it will take the wind out of any defense mechanisms he might otherwise employ. Good luck. 1
stillafool Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Ashley what made you go from only wanting to be his friend when he initially flirted with you to then wanting to blow him? 1
snowflakes88 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Is this the same guy who you think uses you as a ride to get to other girls? 1
Andy_K Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 He doesn't want to have sex with you because he doesn't see you as girlfriend material and he knows you may get attached if you have sex. That's as complicated as this is (so, not very). Spot on. The thing is ashley, guys don't need a reason to have sex. They need a reason not to. Ironically the better you know him and the closer you are, the more likely he is to say no. Initially he found you attractive and could see no obvious reason why thing wouldn't work out, so he was prepared to flirt and would have taken things further if given the chance. Kind of a 'see what happens' attitude. That's all most guys need to start with. Now though, whilst he almost certainly still finds you attractive enough, he's seen enough to convince himself that you're not quite what he's looking for. To date you or get involved would ultimately only result in messing you around. This is enough of a reason not to, so he rejects your advances. 1
hotpotato Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I guess. Ashley's pics indicate she's pretty attractive though, so I was a bit surprised. Even if you're platonic with someone you can still find them attractive I think -- and have those desires. Yup. Ive never had a male friend who didnt want to have sex. The friendzone is different for men and women, generally speaking. Maybe he didnt want to take advantage of you while you were drunk (good quality in a man). Maybe you were too straightforward. Looking at Ashleys avatar, I doubt any man will want to be platonic with her unless hes gay. There was no seduction, no chase. Many guys want to feel like you succumbed to their charms. Its a game. Going to his house for a movie/cuddle then having sex (bc hes so sexy you couldnt resist him) is more like what most men want. 1
hotpotato Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 He doesn't want to have sex with you because he doesn't see you as girlfriend material and he knows you may get attached if you have sex. That's as complicated as this is (so, not very). Being seen as gf material has little to nothing to do with a guy wanting to have sex with a girl. 1
Author Ashley S Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Ashley what made you go from only wanting to be his friend when he initially flirted with you to then wanting to blow him? I rejected him before because he was going back and forth with a girl, and I didn't want to be a rebound, or used. I did, and do like him, so, I said to him "Do you want to be friends?" And he was fine with it. He agreed to it. Now that him and this girl are done completely, and he's single, and hasn't talked to her in a couple of months, I figured that I would try with him since he doesn't seem to be going back and forth with this girl, he's done with her, but now he doesn't like me I guess. Oh, and the blowjob thing was me being a bit drunk lol, and "testing the waters" too.
Author Ashley S Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Is this the same guy who you think uses you as a ride to get to other girls? No. I ditched that one.
Author Ashley S Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Thank you everyone for commenting, and sharing your opinion. I think a lot of you are right that he just views me as a friend. It's really weird though because sometimes he'll look at me a lot, and he'll compliment me subtly like for instance I didn't want to go into this store, because I looked like crap, and I said "Are there any dimes walking into that store?" Haha. He said "The only 10 that is walking into that store is you." However, he does hang out, and talk about other girls, and is more sexual with me. He doesn't seem upset when I talk to guys, and he encourages it, so he does view me as a friend. It just confuses me because I guess thoughts and feelings can change like that, it's weird how he flirted and was trying to get with me at first now he just doesn't seem to want anything to do with me sexually. However, me and my girlfriend got drunk, and I don't remember saying this, but I was hanging with Greg, his friend Josh, and My girlfriend, and my other friend Samantha. Samantha wasn't drunk, but neither was Greg and Josh, just me and my other girlfriend were drunk, and we were saying stupid things, like I asked Greg if he thinks I am a "slut" and he said "No not at all" His friend Josh was kidding around, and said "I think you are" I said "Ohhh...I'll show you a slut buddy!" And I said to my one girlfriend, and Samantha "which one will you guys take?" I laughed, and my friend Samantha said that Greg said to Josh "I'll take Ashley" I vaguely remember this, because I was drunk, but my sober friend Samantha told me the whole story, so that's how I know. She said I was laughing, but Greg wasn't, so I don't know really what to think. Greg contacted me the next day, and I said "I don't really remember anything" He said "That's ok, you were fine anyways." "Just keep it that way haha" I am just sharing more details, but I guess it's pretty obvious that he only likes me as a friend, but then he'll do things like that , and it makes me think otherwise. Oh well. Sorry for the long paragraph. Thanks everyone!
preraph Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I think you are sometimes confusing thinking you're attractive physically with wanting to be more than friends. Yes, most men are physically attracted to a wide range of women. Doesn't mean they want to have a romantic relationship with all of them once they know them better. He can still admire that you are a pretty girl without wanting to be more than friends. He knows you well enough to have made that decision now. 1
Imported Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I would not have sex with a girl I have known for a while and consider a frined/co-worker if she were drunk (like, obviously out of control) and I think either of us would regret it later.....as in it came out of no where. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It's simple. He wanted you originally and you rejected him. Then he became friends with you, and lost his sexual attraction. Now I get why you rejected him. He had another girl in his life and you didn't want to have sex with a guy that would sleep with multiple partners. That's actually really smart and I give you props for having good sense. Unfortunately though, it's too late to make anything happen with him. You're friend zoned. 1
ascendotum Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It's hard to explain. I didn't offer it, like "Hey! Do you want a blowjob?" I was saying things indicating it. Joking around, and being silly because I was drunk. It's strange to me because he was so interested in me before, now it seems like he's not interested in me at all. A. He is a genuine friend and really cares for you and realizes you were drunk, and if he took advantage of that you would be all weird about it the next day onwards. and or B. It a bit of friendzone payback. You knocked him back when he was keen before and gave him the lets just be friends line, now he is shrugging off your advances, because he doesn't want to wreck the friendship(a line many a guy has got) and its messing with your head, when its flipped back on a girl. Don't interpret it that he does not like you. I would say if he took advantage of you that you were at greater risk of it being he does not care for your feelings, though if he is doing revenge freindzone, not sure if you could interpret it that way. Some guys will knock back women who they had previously desired after when the roles are flipped in subsequent yrs because, her sex appeal has faded and they realize that's her motivation now, but I don't think that's the case for you 1
Eighty_nine Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Being seen as gf material has little to nothing to do with a guy wanting to have sex with a girl. obviously it doesn't. But if they have any inkling to respect a woman, they'll avoid sex with her when they know she has feelings for them and they do not. He was up for the blowjob because he felt that wouldn't leave her with relationship expectations. So yeah, he's a douche. 1
Author Ashley S Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 I just wanted to add that I went out with him and some friends, and my friend Kayla invited her cousin Tia out with us and we all got drunk, and Tia was all over him, and I could tell I was getting upset, so I drank more. I am not the type of girl that gets in other girl's faces and do that, plus he doesn't like me that way anyways. I am the type if something is bothering me, I ignore the person, and go off and do my own thing. So, I was ignoring him, and talking to other people for the rest of the night because I have feelings for him, and I didn't want to keep seeing him and Tia flirting and what not. So, he noticed I was ignoring him, and I came right out and said this "I really like you, and I know you don't like me. I guess it just bothers me a bit, but I have to let it go because you obviously don't feel the same way as me. I noticed you were complimenting her a lot, and she is pretty, but you don't really compliment me, and it makes me feel bad because I don't think you think I am pretty." He said "Oh my god, I think you are gorgeous. I love you so much. I would hook up with you, and I did like you, and I do like you. It's just that we are good friends, and I don't want to wreck that. I don't want to ruin anything. I don't want anything to change. I value our friendship too much." Now, I respect that a lot, but what I am asking all of you people on here is that line "I don't want to ruin anything." Is that just an excuse basically saying he's not into me at all? Or do guys really think this? I was really shocked when I heard that. Because I didn't know guys thought that way, usually that's a girl thing. Girls will sometimes do that friend zoning crap and not want to ruin friendships with guys. I just want your opinion on his response if he is just in a nice way telling me "I am not interested in you at all, and I am not attracted to you." Or if guys really do this? Like they become such good friends with the girl that they don't want to have sex with her or do anything with her because they are afraid it will wreck the friendship? Is that just an excuse? Thank you for reading everyone! And sharing your opinions, and insight.
leyateresa Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Well definitely don't give him one now. I would just back away from this guy and spend time doing things that you enjoy. A relationship of any kind should be fun and easy. This is just time consuming
edgygirl Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 I did not read all posts, but from OP I have to tell you girl: Find a way to develop self esteem. It's obvious you don't have it. A guy who is not desperate will never go with a woman who is tipsy and offering a blow job. That's lame, not classy and makes you sound desperate and nuts. Seriously. If you ever want to be loved and respected, look into ways to improve your self esteem. 1
MGX Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Yep. That man just friendzoned you. Whatever interest he had for you is gone. Time to close the book on this one and move on.
Diezel Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I did not read all posts, but from OP I have to tell you girl: Find a way to develop self esteem. It's obvious you don't have it. A guy who is not desperate will never go with a woman who is tipsy and offering a blow job. That's lame, not classy and makes you sound desperate and nuts. Seriously. If you ever want to be loved and respected, look into ways to improve your self esteem. This. A million times. Been said by so many other forum posters as well. And it's not even malicious either, just a fact. 2
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