Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Hi! I hope I am not burdening anyone with this, I am just really confused about this. This guy I knew, and I will call him "Greg", Greg was trying with me when I first knew him. He was complimenting me a lot, and basically giving me the sexual innuendos that he wanted to have sex with me. It was all there, and noticeable his flirting, and all. I rejected him because he kept going back and forth with some girl, and I didn't want to get involved in that, so I became friends with him. We became very good friends, and hang out a lot. I am his "best friend" according to him, and he would always say how much he "loves, and "cares" about me. I am catching feelings, and I got drunk the other night, not really drunk, but I was intoxicated, he was sober. I was really flirty with him, and he didn't seem into it. I was joking around and saying I would give him a "blow job", and he was down for it, but then when I offered sex, he refused. He said something like "I don't want us to be connected that way." But yet I am good for a blow job? Lol. It doesn't make sense to me because I thought he liked me, but he refused sex, but not a blow job, and he was giving me all the signals he liked me when I first hung out with him, he stopped with his compliments, and all of that, when we became friends, but I thought it was because I rejected him? So what do you think? Thanks!
catchthedrift Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 What woman vocally offers a blow job to a friend and then sex? I would never ever do that. It sounds so desperate. I am sure he caught onto that. No guy wants such a girl as a serious girlfriend. It's cheap. 10
stillafool Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 He turned you down because he does not want sex with you. He wants to be a friend. Ashley when are you going to start hanging out with girls your age? I think you need to leave these guys alone for a while and have fun doing other things. 3
JustGrand Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Because you were joking about the blowjob, he might have been jokingly saying yes. Then offering sex, then saying no. Perhaps even realizing that you could have been seriously that time. Seeing how you were drunk, he probably cared enough to not take advantage of you since your judgement could be perceived to be impaired by that. He might be saying he cares for you and loves you, but mean it in a sense like he loves his sister as well. I'd say friend zone. 1
MGX Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Because you were joking about the blowjob, he might have been jokingly saying yes. Then offering sex, then saying no. Perhaps even realizing that you could have been seriously that time. Seeing how you were drunk, he probably cared enough to not take advantage of you since your judgement could be perceived to be impaired by that. I think it might be this. Some guys might not want to sleep with a girl that he actually likes if she were drunk. It isn't genuine. 5
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 What woman vocally offers a blow job to a friend and then sex? I would never ever do that. It sounds so desperate. I am sure he caught onto that. No guy wants such a girl as a serious girlfriend. It's cheap. It's hard to explain. I didn't offer it, like "Hey! Do you want a blowjob?" I was saying things indicating it. Joking around, and being silly because I was drunk. It's strange to me because he was so interested in me before, now it seems like he's not interested in me at all.
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 He turned you down because he does not want sex with you. He wants to be a friend. Ashley when are you going to start hanging out with girls your age? I think you need to leave these guys alone for a while and have fun doing other things. I was hanging with him, and my other girlfriend, and my other guy friend. It was the four of us, two girls, two guys. I do have girlfriends, just not many, and it's not by choice because I love all people, and I want to be friends with everyone, but for some reason I am more friends with guys than girls, but it's not a situation where I literally don't have any girlfriends at all because I do. I see what you mean. Thanks.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe he's gay. If a female friend of mine offered to give me a blow job and I were single, I don't think I'd turn that down lol 2
preraph Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 He may have gotten to know you well enough to realize he's just not interested in you as a girlfriend anymore. 2
rester Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 He likes you as a friend but does not want anything more. He cares for you enough to not take advantage of you when you're drunk, yet he sees no emotional connection or consequences attached to a no-strings-attached blowjob and doesn't believe you are relationship material. Unfortunately, the blowjob most likely reinforces the idea that you are not relationship material in his eyes. 2
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Because you were joking about the blowjob, he might have been jokingly saying yes. Then offering sex, then saying no. Perhaps even realizing that you could have been seriously that time. Seeing how you were drunk, he probably cared enough to not take advantage of you since your judgement could be perceived to be impaired by that. He might be saying he cares for you and loves you, but mean it in a sense like he loves his sister as well. I'd say friend zone. Yeah, I see what you mean. It's funny because I thought I friendzoned him because he was the one that was interested in me, and I shot him down. That's so confusing to me because if it was a situation where he never flirted with me, and always acted like a platonic friend towards me, and I threw myself at him, and he didn't reciprocate. I would understand then because I would think "well he never gave me any signals or flirted with me to begin with, so he just flat out doesn't like me!" But he did! So, I thought he was respecting our friendship, and that is why he stopped with the flirting, and all. But I guess it is because he doesn't like me or you could be right. You seem to have a good point. Thank you.
Redhead14 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Hi! I hope I am not burdening anyone with this, I am just really confused about this. This guy I knew, and I will call him "Greg", Greg was trying with me when I first knew him. He was complimenting me a lot, and basically giving me the sexual innuendos that he wanted to have sex with me. It was all there, and noticeable his flirting, and all. I rejected him because he kept going back and forth with some girl, and I didn't want to get involved in that, so I became friends with him. We became very good friends, and hang out a lot. I am his "best friend" according to him, and he would always say how much he "loves, and "cares" about me. I am catching feelings, and I got drunk the other night, not really drunk, but I was intoxicated, he was sober. I was really flirty with him, and he didn't seem into it. I was joking around and saying I would give him a "blow job", and he was down for it, but then when I offered sex, he refused. He said something like "I don't want us to be connected that way." But yet I am good for a blow job? Lol. It doesn't make sense to me because I thought he liked me, but he refused sex, but not a blow job, and he was giving me all the signals he liked me when I first hung out with him, he stopped with his compliments, and all of that, when we became friends, but I thought it was because I rejected him? So what do you think? Thanks! Ashley, He told you you were his best friend. He doesn't want a sexual relationship with you. Most men understand, even young men, that women get attached after being sexual with a man, specifically, intercourse, cuddling, etc. To some men, a blowjob is somehow less than sex and intimacy. (Do you remember what happened with President Clinton? He took a blow job from one of his office staff and when he got called out on it, he said "I did not have sex with that woman". He didn't think that a blow job is the same as having sex. That backfired on him. It is one-sided. He's getting his needs met without getting too close to a woman or keeping distance for the woman. That being said, he said you are his best friend. If that's true, he wouldn't even ask that of you. He'd treat you with more respect. It doesn't matter why he rejected you . . . he rejected you. Don't spend anymore time or emotion on this man. Be friends if you want, but keep it at that and don't offer anymore blow jobs. If he asks you for them, tell him you made a mistake this time and don't want to do that anymore. It sounds to me that since you are catching feelings for him, you offered sex/blow job as a way to draw him into being your boyfriend. Most men will have sex with a woman without an intention of being boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't have any kind of sexual contact with any man until you know you are at least an exclusive couple. 3
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 He may have gotten to know you well enough to realize he's just not interested in you as a girlfriend anymore. I think you're right. Because he mad flirted with me when he first knew me, but I guess something turned him off bout me, and he just likes me as a friend now. I don't know how that can happen though, because I when I had a crush on a guy, I never had it switch to "Oh, I only like him as a friend." lol. I guess something must've been a turn off to him. Oh well. Thank you.
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 He likes you as a friend but does not want anything more. He cares for you enough to not take advantage of you when you're drunk, yet he sees no emotional connection or consequences attached to a no-strings-attached blowjob and doesn't believe you are relationship material. Unfortunately, the blowjob most likely reinforces the idea that you are not relationship material in his eyes. Yeah, I can see that. I can see where you're coming form, and you made good points. Thank you for commenting!
Gary S Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe he's gay. If a female friend of mine offered to give me a blow job and I were single, I don't think I'd turn that down lol - Yeah, but not every guy is as easy as you, lol
Author Ashley S Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Ashley, He told you you were his best friend. He doesn't want a sexual relationship with you. Most men understand, even young men, that women get attached after being sexual with a man, specifically, intercourse, cuddling, etc. To some men, a blowjob is somehow less than sex and intimacy. (Do you remember what happened with President Clinton? He took a blow job from one of his office staff and when he got called out on it, he said "I did not have sex with that woman". He didn't think that a blow job is the same as having sex. That backfired on him. It is one-sided. He's getting his needs met without getting too close to a woman or keeping distance for the woman. That being said, he said you are his best friend. If that's true, he wouldn't even ask that of you. He'd treat you with more respect. It doesn't matter why he rejected you . . . he rejected you. Don't spend anymore time or emotion on this man. Be friends if you want, but keep it at that and don't offer anymore blow jobs. If he asks you for them, tell him you made a mistake this time and don't want to do that anymore. It sounds to me that since you are catching feelings for him, you offered sex/blow job as a way to draw him into being your boyfriend. Most men will have sex with a woman without an intention of being boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't have any kind of sexual contact with any man until you know you are at least an exclusive couple. Thanks for your insight! You seem to be spot on. I am not going to offer anything to him anymore, if he does bring it up I will just blame it on the alcohol. Lol. I find it so strange that he mad flirted with me, and gave me sexual innuendos when I first knew him, and now he seems completely turned off by me? I don't get how he can switch like that, because when I had crushes on guys it never switched to "I just like him as a platonic friend now." That never happened with me haha. But I see what you mean, and I think you're right, he just views me as a friend now, and I made a fool out of myself once again haha. Thank you.
MGX Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe you should find out if he likes you or are you a friend. Just ask him. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 - Yeah, but not every guy is as easy as you, lol If its handed out on a silver platter, how can you say no ?
MGX Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 If its handed out on a silver platter, how can you say no ? I can see a friendzoned guy not saying no, since he didn't want to be friends to begin with! But if a man doesn't desire a woman sexually and only sees her in a platonic way? You can say no easily... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 He's not into you in that way anymore. And it's not totally unusual for this happen. Initial physical attraction can diminish when you get to know someone and view them more as a friend. You didn't necessarily do anything to turn him off, but he isn't feeling it any longer. I'd just consider him a friend and leave it at that, 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I can see a friendzoned guy not saying no, since he didn't want to be friends to begin with! But if a man doesn't desire a woman sexually and only sees her in a platonic way? You can say no easily... I guess. Ashley's pics indicate she's pretty attractive though, so I was a bit surprised. Even if you're platonic with someone you can still find them attractive I think -- and have those desires. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your insight! You seem to be spot on. I am not going to offer anything to him anymore, if he does bring it up I will just blame it on the alcohol. Lol. I find it so strange that he mad flirted with me, and gave me sexual innuendos when I first knew him, and now he seems completely turned off by me? I don't get how he can switch like that, because when I had crushes on guys it never switched to "I just like him as a platonic friend now." That never happened with me haha. But I see what you mean, and I think you're right, he just views me as a friend now, and I made a fool out of myself once again haha. Thank you. No, Ashley, don't blame it on the alcohol. That is not an excuse and doesn't change anything in his eyes. You did what you did, you can't uncross that bridge. If he brings it up, you simply say, that is not going to happen again and change the subject. Now you are setting a "new" boundary with him. You told him you wanted to be friends, he's kinda sorta respecting that. He's young too. If you want to continue to be friends with him, stick to your boundaries. Do not engage in sexual talk or acts with him and if he goes there, shut it down immediately and move on to another subject. If he gets pushy about it, end the friendship. And, since you are "catching feelings" for him, I'd distance myself from him a little for a while. Keep your conversations short and polite for a while. Don't spend a lot of time with him. You want to give yourself some space so that your emotions don't grow. Go out on dates with new guys. Don't view it all as having made a fool of yourself. View it as a learning experience. You made a mistake because you are young and inexperienced. You did it once, it was a mistake. You would be making a fool of yourself if you did it again though It's not about never making mistakes in life, it's about how you learn and recover from them that's important Edited March 12, 2015 by Redhead14 1
MrNate 2.0 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 To surmise what most people are saying here: Things change when you ****, heh. May be better to get with a new dude. 1
Dutchman1 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Iwould be your friend if you lived in The Hetherlands, I think you are right 1
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