I can't stand my boyfriend's dog!!

March 12, 2015

By the way... the way you train a dog to stop jumping on your legs, you put one knee up... once he bumps into your hard knee a few times, he'll learn to stop jumping.

disclaimer: I'm not a professional dog trainer.

March 12, 2015

Since your boyfriend lives at home, I assume you both must be in your 20s or younger perhaps? Why aren't his parents involved with Spot's training? Is Spot the family dog, or your boyfriend's dog?

Since your boyfriend lives with his parents, then the puppy issue seems moot to me. This would be an entirely different situation if your boyfriend lived in his own home, where the puppy had no other humans to interact with while your boyfriend spends time outside the house with you.

I think your boyfriend could ask his parents to watch the puppy, since he lives at home. So, I don't really understand why the puppy is such an issue for you, especially if you've been with your boyfriend for 2 years and he's lived at home during these 2 years.

March 12, 2015

I am afraid that your boyfriend is either a really impulsive person or he has just shown you the lack of future of your relationship by getting a dog when he knows you don't like them.

Which is it? If it's the latter, why waste your time? If it's the former, uh, why waste your time? (joking here).

Secondly, you list all sorts of training issues. But ask yourself whether you can like or even tolerate a well-trained dog. If the answer is no, then it's time to walk away. If the answer is yes, figure out what constitutes a well-trained dog to you. You need to be able to tell your boyfriend what that means to you. And then watch to see if he trains his dog.

Training isn't an instant fix. It will take time. Dogs don't know what they're supposed to do, and until a human takes the time and effort to communicate what is wanted from them in a way that the dog understands, dogs will act like untrained dogs.

Housebreaking accidents, jumping, chewing, barking, these are all fun things to dogs. They don't know that these are not desired behaviors until they are trained using positive reinforcement for getting commands and behaviors right.

March 12, 2015

Surely if they've been dating close to 2 years then it's a little unfair for the OP to have to take a backseat to a dog she didn't even know was coming into the scene? Of course he shouldn't neglect the puppy but is it equally as fair to neglect his relationship?

No, it's not fair to neglect the relationship. That's why I asked how long they've been together. I was expecting her to say a couple months or less.

After a couple years together he is not bringing a puppy into only his own life. He's bringing a puppy into their relationship.

I can't imagine myself not having a discussion about this with a girlfriend of two months, let alone two years. It sounds like a rash decision on his part.

March 12, 2015

Since your boyfriend lives at home, I assume you both must be in your 20s or younger perhaps? Why aren't his parents involved with Spot's training? Is Spot the family dog, or your boyfriend's dog?

Since your boyfriend lives with his parents, then the puppy issue seems moot to me. This would be an entirely different situation if your boyfriend lived in his own home, where the puppy had no other humans to interact with while your boyfriend spends time outside the house with you.

I think your boyfriend could ask his parents to watch the puppy, since he lives at home. So, I don't really understand why the puppy is such an issue for you, especially if you've been with your boyfriend for 2 years and he's lived at home during these 2 years.

Yes we're in our early 20s. His parents will walk/feed the dog occasionally but they say it's his dog and his responsibility. The reason it's an issue is the reason you don't think it's an issue. What I mean is, if my bf lived alone with the dog I'd understand that she'd be a large presence and that I'd have to deal with her a lot more but he could ask his parents (who dote on the dog) to watch her/entertain her when we do something together instead but he doesn't and I have to spend as much time with the dog as I do with my bf...

March 12, 2015

No, it's not fair to neglect the relationship. That's why I asked how long they've been together. I was expecting her to say a couple months or less.

After a couple years together he is not bringing a puppy into only his own life. He's bringing a puppy into their relationship.

I can't imagine myself not having a discussion about this with a girlfriend of two months, let alone two years. It sounds like a rash decision on his part.

He's prone to rash decisions. He bought a car out of the blue a few months ago but now he can't afford to run it and years ago (before we were together) he wanted a puppy and got one but took it back after 2 nights because he couldn't control it -_-

March 12, 2015

No, it's not fair to neglect the relationship. That's why I asked how long they've been together. I was expecting her to say a couple months or less.

After a couple years together he is not bringing a puppy into only his own life. He's bringing a puppy into their relationship.

I can't imagine myself not having a discussion about this with a girlfriend of two months, let alone two years. It sounds like a rash decision on his part.

Plus, the OP's boyfriend lives at home. I don't think he could make such a rash decision when he lives at home. He'd have to ask his parents for permission to adopt a puppy. So, his parents obviously were okay with their son's decision to adopt a dog since he and the dog now live with them.

What are you leaving out, OP, that you're not telling us? Because, I feel like you're not being 100% honest with us as you haven't mentioned your ages, and you didn't mention that your boyfriend lived at home in your very first post which changes the whole scenario around, if you ask me. It makes you come across entitled and selfish, knowing that your boyfriend lives at home with his parents and his dog...for you to demand that your boyfriend choose you over the puppy.

March 12, 2015

Yes we're in our early 20s. His parents will walk/feed the dog occasionally but they say it's his dog and his responsibility. The reason it's an issue is the reason you don't think it's an issue. What I mean is, if my bf lived alone with the dog I'd understand that she'd be a large presence and that I'd have to deal with her a lot more but he could ask his parents (who dote on the dog) to watch her/entertain her when we do something together instead but he doesn't and I have to spend as much time with the dog as I do with my bf...

He could ask his parents, but the dog is his, not theirs. It's not their responsibility to take care of the dog so your boyfriend can do whatever he feels like doing. It's their choice if they want to help, but it's not right for you to get resentful if they don't. Your boyfriend is the owner, and it wouldn't be fair for him to push his parents to take care of the dog more than they want to. He wanted the dog, so he needs to take full responsibility for it. Both he and you need to understand that.

March 12, 2015

Plus, the OP's boyfriend lives at home. I don't think he could make such a rash decision when he lives at home. He'd have to ask his parents for permission to adopt a puppy. So, his parents obviously were okay with their son's decision to adopt a dog since he and the dog now live with them.

What are you leaving out, OP, that you're not telling us? Because, I feel like you're not being 100% honest with us as you haven't mentioned your ages, and you didn't mention that your boyfriend lived at home in your very first post which changes the whole scenario around, if you ask me. It makes you come across entitled and selfish, knowing that your boyfriend lives at home with his parents and his dog...for you to demand that your boyfriend choose you over the puppy.

Hey. I'm not hiding anything honest. I'm 21 and he's 23 I guess I didn't think to point out it was his parents house but he's been looking for a place of his own if that makes a difference?

I'm not asking him to pick his puppy over me, it's more a case of 'you know I don't like being around dogs but I'll make an effort for yours but I don't want to have to spend as much time with your dog as you' I don't see that as unreasonable considering going out with me for the evening instead of the two of us staying in and playing with the dog isn't impossible thanks to his parents being kind enough to look after the dog

March 12, 2015

Yes we're in our early 20s. His parents will walk/feed the dog occasionally but they say it's his dog and his responsibility. The reason it's an issue is the reason you don't think it's an issue. What I mean is, if my bf lived alone with the dog I'd understand that she'd be a large presence and that I'd have to deal with her a lot more but he could ask his parents (who dote on the dog) to watch her/entertain her when we do something together instead but he doesn't and I have to spend as much time with the dog as I do with my bf...

I dislike with a passion people that get dogs without understanding the commitment it demands. A dog will live up to 13-14 years old. It will ask for daily attention and exercise, it will cost a lot of money in food, toys, kennels and medical bills. Your boyfriend is not even financially independent and sufficiant and he is getting a dog? It's going to be another dog abandoned in a shelter in a couple of years when she is not so cute anymore. There are 25 millions dogs euthanized each year in Canada, multiply that by 3 in the US because of people making impulsive adoption like this.

Now, you his girlfriend of 2 years do not like dogs and he goes ahead and get one anyway, what does that say about him? Had you 2 talked about living together?

March 12, 2015

The more I'm learning about your BF, the more I'm leaning toward the fact that he's just not disciplined, immature, and/or impulsive.

I don't think the real issue here is the dog, who's just doing what a normal untrained dog would do.

March 12, 2015

He could ask his parents, but the dog is his, not theirs. It's not their responsibility to take care of the dog so your boyfriend can do whatever he feels like doing. It's their choice if they want to help, but it's not right for you to get resentful if they don't. Your boyfriend is the owner, and it wouldn't be fair for him to push his parents to take care of the dog more than they want to. He wanted the dog, so he needs to take full responsibility for it. Both he and you need to understand that.

I totally get that - I wouldn't expect his parents to have to do anything. But I just find it a bit unfair that whenever we do something together now we have to either

a) involve the dog - date to the park

b) rearrange plans to suit the dog - he's cancelled dinner dates out a few times because Spot might 'wreck' the place

I'd rather he not make dinner plans unless he's got someone to watch the dog...:/

March 12, 2015

I'm 21 and he's 23 I guess I didn't think to point out it was his parents house but he's been looking for a place of his own if that makes a difference?

It makes a huge difference. When your boyfriend lives alone there won't be anyone home to keep the dog company and no one to open the door for her to go pee at 5. After work he will have to rush home to feed her and walk her, he will also be unable to go anywhere in the evening because you can't leave a dog alone all day then leave it all alone again in the evening. When your boyfriend will want to go over to your place he will have no choice but to take her with him. Right now your boyfriend is getting little break from owning this dog because he lives at his parents. When he lives alone this dog will be attached to his hip ! You will never get to see your boyfriend without this dog being around.

March 12, 2015

I dislike with a passion people that get dogs without understanding the commitment it demands. A dog will live up to 13-14 years old. It will ask for daily attention and exercise, it will cost a lot of money in food, toys, kennels and medical bills. Your boyfriend is not even financially independent and sufficiant and he is getting a dog? It's going to be another dog abandoned in a shelter in a couple of years when she is not so cute anymore. There are 25 millions dogs euthanized each year in Canada, multiply that by 3 in the US because of people making impulsive adoption like this.

Now, you his girlfriend of 2 years do not like dogs and he goes ahead and get one anyway, what does that say about him? Had you 2 talked about living together?

I totally get where you're coming from. I am actually an animal lover (this post probably sounds like I'm not) and sadly I too can see 'Spot' heading in that direction.

We'd not had a serious talk about moving in together although he has mentioned trying to get a flat that will be big enough for the two of us, but sadly with a dog I wouldn't be able to live with him

March 12, 2015

Listen, I am afraid of dogs. I had one bite me when I was 5 and ever since then, I've been afraid of them.

If my boyfriend got a dog I would wonder how serious he was about me. If your boyfriend knew that you don't like/are afraid of dogs and he got one anyway, I would question if he is really serious about you.

Making decisions together is very important if you are in a committed, long term relationship. He didn't include you in this big decision. That would be a red flag to me.

March 12, 2015

I am really sorry but after 2 years of dating you and he gets a spaniel knowing that you don't like dogs?

Your relationship is doomed. Its a fundamental difference here.

Go find a guy who isn't into dogs.

This guy sounds like this pup is going to be his best bud for the next 15 years. Spaniels are really energetic dogs and hyper friendly hence the jumping up to say hello.

Let him go.

March 12, 2015

I totally get that - I wouldn't expect his parents to have to do anything. But I just find it a bit unfair that whenever we do something together now we have to either
a) involve the dog - date to the park
b) rearrange plans to suit the dog - he's cancelled dinner dates out a few times because Spot might 'wreck' the place

I'd rather he not make dinner plans unless he's got someone to watch the dog...:/

It's unfair because your boyfriend never discussed this with you. The dog isn't the problem, your inconsiderate boyfriend is. This should have all been discussed ahead of time so you would know what you were getting yourself into for the foreseeable future.

Sorry to have to point this out, but he either doesn't understand the responsibility of dog ownership, or he doesn't respect your feelings/your relationship at all.

March 12, 2015

Listen, I am afraid of dogs. I had one bite me when I was 5 and ever since then, I've been afraid of them]

I meant to say - same for me I was bitten at a young age and don't like dogs...I also don't want to like dogs so I feel for the OP

March 12, 2015

Hey. I'm not hiding anything honest. I'm 21 and he's 23 I guess I didn't think to point out it was his parents house but he's been looking for a place of his own if that makes a difference?

I'm not asking him to pick his puppy over me, it's more a case of 'you know I don't like being around dogs but I'll make an effort for yours but I don't want to have to spend as much time with your dog as you' I don't see that as unreasonable considering going out with me for the evening instead of the two of us staying in and playing with the dog isn't impossible thanks to his parents being kind enough to look after the dog

The more I think about it, the more I think that this relationship is just doomed:

1. Boyfriend is impulsive, tried to get a puppy before but returned it.

2. Boyfriend isn't financially stable, lives at home with parents.

3. Boyfriend gets puppy 2 years into his relationship with you, knowing you don't like dogs.

4. Boyfriend prioritizes his time with puppy over you, even when you're with him and have asked him to balance his time between you and the puppy.

5. You and the boyfriend haven't discussed moving in together yet, most likely because boyfriend isn't financially stable enough to do that yet.

6. When boyfriend does move out, IF he still has the puppy, he'll be busy with puppy a lot and won't prioritize his time with you.

I can see where you're coming from now OP, now that I have the full picture. I still don't think this relationship has a good future with puppy in it.

March 12, 2015

The more I think about it, the more I think that this relationship is just doomed:

1. Boyfriend is impulsive, tried to get a puppy before but returned it.
2. Boyfriend isn't financially stable, lives at home with parents.
3. Boyfriend gets puppy 2 years into his relationship with you, knowing you don't like dogs.
4. Boyfriend prioritizes his time with puppy over you, even when you're with him and have asked him to balance his time between you and the puppy.
5. You and the boyfriend haven't discussed moving in together yet, most likely because boyfriend isn't financially stable enough to do that yet.
6. When boyfriend does move out, IF he still has the puppy, he'll be busy with puppy a lot and won't prioritize his time with you.

I can see where you're coming from now OP, now that I have the full picture. I still don't think this relationship has a good future with puppy in it.

Thanks, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from! (since you mentioned cats earlier I knew you were a cool person )

I suppose it is frustrating when listed like that and obviously it's not the puppy's fault but it's hard not to feel resentful because otherwise our relationship was fine.

I think I'll try and see if the two of us can come to some sort of compromise but otherwise I'll take the advice from everyone here and find me a cat man

March 12, 2015

Thanks, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from! (since you mentioned cats earlier I knew you were a cool person )

I suppose it is frustrating when listed like that and obviously it's not the puppy's fault but it's hard not to feel resentful because otherwise our relationship was fine.

I think I'll try and see if the two of us can come to some sort of compromise but otherwise I'll take the advice from everyone here and find me a cat man

Haha! Yes, I am a cat lady and so I am cool!

I think the puppy is a symptom of larger problems with your boyfriend. Sorry to say.

I hope you can figure out a compromise with your boyfriend but if not, a good cat man is the way to go!

March 12, 2015

OP: Your boyfriend must have talked about getting a dog before he got it. When you told him your problem with dogs what did he say to you?

March 12, 2015

Nope, didn't say a word.

Well I've mentioned on several occasions that I don't like dogs and he usually just would say something along the lines of 'but they're so cute!' and I'd tell him why (attacked when younger) and he'd sort of just say 'fair enough'

March 12, 2015

Nope, didn't say a word.

Well I've mentioned on several occasions that I don't like dogs and he usually just would say something along the lines of 'but they're so cute!' and I'd tell him why (attacked when younger) and he'd sort of just say 'fair enough'

That tells me he is impulsive and deaf to other people's feelings. I can see this expend to other aspects of your life when you live together example he may be making a unreasonable non necessary purchase without consulting you, having people crash on your couch with no warning or even quit his job without thinking where he'll get next rent. I'd be surprised he is just being impulsive when it comes to dogs?

March 12, 2015

Thanks, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from! (since you mentioned cats earlier I knew you were a cool person )

I suppose it is frustrating when listed like that and obviously it's not the puppy's fault but it's hard not to feel resentful because otherwise our relationship was fine.

I think I'll try and see if the two of us can come to some sort of compromise but otherwise I'll take the advice from everyone here and find me a cat man

Unless he gets bored of it and leaves it with his parents maybe, (when he moves out), the dog is always going to be part of your lives from now on, and that is the reality of the situation. Dogs need looking after, and they cannot be left for hours and hours and hours whilst you go out. They get destructive if bored and there is toileting to be done too.

Did he always have a dog growing up or did he always want a dog growing up?

If getting his own dog is fundamental to who he is, and if this isn't just a silly whim on his part, then you are going to have a hard job convincing him to give it up or convincing him to ignore the dog in favour of you.

He may see this as an important step in his life, gf, dog, house, wife, kids. If you do not fit into that dream, then you will have to go.

If you do make a stand, he may resent you or he will simply chose the dog. Love me, love my dog.

I guess the dog is here to stay, so you either get used to it, or you ship out. Sorry.

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I can't stand my boyfriend's dog!!

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