I can't stand my boyfriend's dog!!

[Raichu]

Okay, so I imagine there will be quite a few people here telling me to simply 'get over it' but I simply can't stand my bf's dog! I'm not going to say hate because that would be horrible and I am an animal lover (although admittedly more of a cat person)

 

The problem is this: I don't like dogs. I never have and probably never will. Don't get me wrong, I think some dogs are adorable/cute but I just don't enjoy being around dogs. I don't like the way they run around or jump and how unpredictable they can be.

 

The key point here is that my boyfriend knows this

 

Recently he got a new puppy, some type of spaniel (not to clued up on my dog breeds sorry) now we don't live together so it isn't really an issue. However I'm really beginning to dread going over to his because of the dog.

 

Firstly I can't walk into any room without the dog (let's call her Spot) jumping up onto me - the one thing I really hate and dislike about dogs. Sometimes she'll be all wet from being outside and (yes I know this will make me sound like a diva) she leaves dirt and mud all over my clothes.

 

Then it's the dog's general behaviour, he hasn't trained Spot at all, she doesn't even know her own name so when I'm visibly uncomfortable my bf simply sits there yelling 'Spot, Spot, don't leave her alone Spot' and of course the dog is ignoring him. It sniffs around at everything so I don't like to leave things like my overnight bag unattended out of fear that she'll get inside it and ruin my things. She's left drool over my shoes and bite marks once after I left them downstairs in his hallway (not really the dog's fault I know but my bf could have let me know she was prone to doing this)

She also interrupts us when we're making/eating dinner which is a real turn off for me. I have a cat at home but he's not even allowed in the kitchen when we're preparing food.

 

Finally it's simply the constant presence of the dog. It is honestly like having a toddler follow us around. I'll be happily chatting with my bf and Spot comes bounding in and jumps on him and he'll roll around on the floor with her for 5 minutes whilst I'm sort of sat there like a lemon. I almost spilled hot coffee all over Spot when she jumped up on me once (angled it over myself instead -_-) yet it's the dog who gets fussed over whilst I'm mopping myself up.

If we want to watch a movie in the evenings we have to watch it upstairs so as not to wake Spot and now my bf says that we can't even do that because the laptop wakes her upstairs too!

When I suggest he works out some sort of sleeping pattern for her (something he complains about endlessly) he just whips out a photo of the dog and says 'but look at her little face! She's too cute to be bossed around'

I personally don't find her all that cute but I wouldn't say that to him, that's like telling a parent their baby is ugly!

 

Basically how does one get out of spending so much time with an animal I don't even like? How do I tell him I don't want to spend time with his dog without hurting his feelings?

 

Thanks in advance!

[Gary S]

It's only a temporary problem, try to grin and bear it for now. When the dog is old enough, you or him can take him to obedience school. Once he is trained, your problem will be solved.

 

He won't be a puppy for more than a few more months, and he can be trained. Dogs take a little work - as do relationships.

[Toodaloo]

You are going to get dumped.

 

If you don't want to get dumped learn how to train the dog.

[writergal]

The dog is a puppy. The puppy is acting like all puppies do. So, I will be the first to say "get over it!"

 

I'm with Toodaloo. Prepare to be dumped unless you encourage your boyfriend to attend puppy obedience classes and attend the classes with him, to show him that you support him AND the puppy. Then help your boyfriend train the puppy when you spend time at his house.

 

If you choose to simply complain about a energetic, lovable, puppy dog, then you need to date men without dogs. That puppy is an innocent dog. Please don't turn out to be one of these women who threatens her boyfriend with the 'it's me or the dog!" ultimatum.

[writergal]

Oh, and if your boyfriend doesn't kennel his puppy then he really should. Puppies need kennels as a safe place, and a place to associate with sleep. Also, he can kennel the puppy when you come over after he gives her treats so that she associates the kennel with only positive feelings and not negative.

 

So in review:

 

1. Puppy needs to be kenneled and trained to associate kennel with positive feelings.

 

2. Puppy needs puppy obedience classes that you will agree to attend to show your support.

 

3. If you don't learn to like this dog, the relationship with your boyfriend isn't going to last.

[Eevee]

Whilst I mostly agree with the other comments I do think it must be a bit uncomfortable for you if you genuinely don't like dogs. Maybe your boyfriend could not involve the dog so much when you're around?

[rester]

 

Basically how does one get out of spending so much time with an animal I don't even like? How do I tell him I don't want to spend time with his dog without hurting his feelings?

 

 

I think you have two options here. Pretend to like the puppy and build up more and more resentment towards your boyfriend and the dog, or be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings toward the dog and see if the two of you can work out a compromise. Unfortunately, like the others have said, I don't see this working out long-term unless you can learn to love the dog. Figure out what you need to do to make that happen. If it's obedience school for the dog, discuss that with your boyfriend. If it's keeping a room or two off-limits to the dog, discuss that with your boyfriend.

 

The dog isn't going to go away, so you need to either figure out a way to deal with it, or stop visiting your boyfriend and also stop expecting him to visit you as often.

[Raichu]

The dog is a puppy. The puppy is acting like all puppies do. So, I will be the first to say "get over it!"

 

I'm with Toodaloo. Prepare to be dumped unless you encourage your boyfriend to attend puppy obedience classes and attend the classes with him, to show him that you support him AND the puppy. Then help your boyfriend train the puppy when you spend time at his house.

 

If you choose to simply complain about a energetic, lovable, puppy dog, then you need to date men without dogs. That puppy is an innocent dog. Please don't turn out to be one of these women who threatens her boyfriend with the 'it's me or the dog!" ultimatum.

 

Thanks for the reply!

 

I think the real problem is that I simply don't like dogs, I get really uneasy around them (was attacked as a child) and I just don't really enjoy 'hanging out' with dogs. I honestly don't think I'd be able to go to puppy classes with him simply because if there are other dogs there I'll freak out a little.

 

I'd never make him choose between me and the dog though - I'd make that choice for him (jokes!)

[Raichu]

You are going to get dumped.

 

If you don't want to get dumped learn how to train the dog.

 

I don't really think it's my responsibility to train his dog. He just decided to get one out of the blue.

 

Also, I might be wrong about whether to call it a 'puppy' it's around 8 months old now but not sure what that equates to in dog time

[writergal]

 

The dog isn't going to go away, so you need to either figure out a way to deal with it, or stop visiting your boyfriend and also stop expecting him to visit you as often.

 

But even if the OP stops visiting her boyfriend because of his puppy, he's going to end up resenting her for forcing him to leave his puppy at home to spend his time with her, thus the puppy is left alone all the time which is not good for the puppy.

 

I agree that the OP needs to tell her boyfriend that she doesn't like his puppy and then break it off. I don't see this relationship lasting because a man and his puppy come as a package deal. If you don't like the full package, go shop elsewhere. Let him be with a woman who loves his puppy too.

[Raichu]

I think you have two options here. Pretend to like the puppy and build up more and more resentment towards your boyfriend and the dog, or be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings toward the dog and see if the two of you can work out a compromise. Unfortunately, like the others have said, I don't see this working out long-term unless you can learn to love the dog. Figure out what you need to do to make that happen. If it's obedience school for the dog, discuss that with your boyfriend. If it's keeping a room or two off-limits to the dog, discuss that with your boyfriend.

 

The dog isn't going to go away, so you need to either figure out a way to deal with it, or stop visiting your boyfriend and also stop expecting him to visit you as often.

 

Thanks for the reply! The problem is is that I have told him several times that I'm not keen on dogs and don't really feel comfortable around them but he still insists on having the dog 'join' us on our evenings in together.

 

Also want to point out that I'm more than happy to not go to his house and meet up at places where there's no need for the dog to come to (my house, coffee shop etc) but he keeps begging me to come over to his :/

[BikerAccnt]

I empathize with you, though I am an animal and a Dog lover. I currently own a cat.

 

 

My Girlfriend can't be near animals, terribly allergic. I want to be near my girlfriend, hence, I keep the house very clean, spray anti-allergens, and kitty goes in the basement for the weekend.

 

 

Would I do the same if I had a dog? Yes, I would.

 

 

Now, since you aren't' allergic to the animal, just dislike it, you need to compromise a bit also. I like the idea of putting him in a different room when you are over, and perhaps, you can make an attempt at getting to know this particular dog. Not all dogs, just this one. Especially if you foresee keeping your boyfriend around for a while.

[writergal]

Thanks for the reply!

 

I think the real problem is that I simply don't like dogs, I get really uneasy around them (was attacked as a child) and I just don't really enjoy 'hanging out' with dogs. I honestly don't think I'd be able to go to puppy classes with him simply because if there are other dogs there I'll freak out a little.

 

I'd never make him choose between me and the dog though - I'd make that choice for him (jokes!)

 

I'm sorry that you were attacked by a dog as a child. I can see why that trauma would condition you to fear all dogs. But an 8 month puppy is just a puppy.

 

Ok fine you don't have to attend all the puppy obedience classes with him but at least attend a couple of them. Make a date out of it. The best way to overcome your fear of dogs is to be around them as much as possible. You need to replace your old memory with new more positive memories of dogs, so that you can have positive associations with dogs as an adult. You never know. Hanging out with your boyfriend's puppy might be the best therapy for you!

[Raichu]

I empathize with you, though I am an animal and a Dog lover. I currently own a cat.

 

 

My Girlfriend can't be near animals, terribly allergic. I want to be near my girlfriend, hence, I keep the house very clean, spray anti-allergens, and kitty goes in the basement for the weekend.

 

 

Would I do the same if I had a dog? Yes, I would.

 

 

Now, since you aren't' allergic to the animal, just dislike it, you need to compromise a bit also. I like the idea of putting him in a different room when you are over, and perhaps, you can make an attempt at getting to know this particular dog. Not all dogs, just this one. Especially if you foresee keeping your boyfriend around for a while.

 

I will try to like the dog a bit more and I don't go all diva on it haha. I think my main issue is that when I do come over I'll happily join my boyfriend with the dog it it's walk or have a quick game of fetch but sometimes I get left alone with the dog jumping all over me when my boyfriend helps his dad fix the car (or whatever) and in all honesty I'd just rather not be there. It really does just make me feel so uneasy and then I find myself disliking the dog which I know is unfair

[rester]

Thanks for the reply! The problem is is that I have told him several times that I'm not keen on dogs and don't really feel comfortable around them but he still insists on having the dog 'join' us on our evenings in together.

 

Also want to point out that I'm more than happy to not go to his house and meet up at places where there's no need for the dog to come to (my house, coffee shop etc) but he keeps begging me to come over to his :/

 

Have you been together long? I'm assuming not if the two of you didn't discuss this before he got the puppy, but correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I don't know how you're going to have a long-lasting relationship if you don't go to his house. He's going to have a hard time visiting your place overnight without the dog, as well. Puppies need a lot of attention and you're probably going to be second priority to it for awhile. I wouldn't expect him to start neglecting the puppy for your relationship.

[Raichu]

I'm sorry that you were attacked by a dog as a child. I can see why that trauma would condition you to fear all dogs. But an 8 month puppy is just a puppy.

 

Ok fine you don't have to attend all the puppy obedience classes with him but at least attend a couple of them. Make a date out of it. The best way to overcome your fear of dogs is to be around them as much as possible. You need to replace your old memory with new more positive memories of dogs, so that you can have positive associations with dogs as an adult. You never know. Hanging out with your boyfriend's puppy might be the best therapy for you!

 

Thanks, I think in general I'm over the fear of dogs. My best friend has a dog as did an ex but their dogs were less...in your face? Plus they never forced me to like their dogs/spend time with their dogs...I guess that might be the difference

[writergal]

Thanks, I think in general I'm over the fear of dogs. My best friend has a dog as did an ex but their dogs were less...in your face? Plus they never forced me to like their dogs/spend time with their dogs...I guess that might be the difference

 

He's probably just excited about having a new puppy and a new girlfriend and wants you and the puppy to bond, so that he can feel good about you both in his life. That's a possibility.

 

How much do you love your boyfriend? I guess that's the question you need to ask yourself. If you love him a lot, and he is definitely a priority in your life, then you need to find a realistic compromise that doesn't interfere with his bonding puppy time, and his time with you.

 

Whether that's buying the puppy a kennel, putting the puppy outside, the two of you taking the puppy for a walk to wear the puppy out (puppies have a lot of energy and need lots of walks for that reason), taking the puppy to obedience classes, to the dog park to socialize the puppy with other dogs...you need to accept this puppy as part of the package that your boyfriend comes with, and figure out a realistic, non-cruel way to be with your boyfriend and be around his puppy.

 

If you can't think of anything, then yeah, I think it's reasonable to assume that this relationship is over. If I met a guy who didn't like cats and refused to compromise with me, I'd dump him.

[BikerAccnt]

I will try to like the dog a bit more and I don't go all diva on it haha. I think my main issue is that when I do come over I'll happily join my boyfriend with the dog it it's walk or have a quick game of fetch but sometimes I get left alone with the dog jumping all over me when my boyfriend helps his dad fix the car (or whatever) and in all honesty I'd just rather not be there. It really does just make me feel so uneasy and then I find myself disliking the dog which I know is unfair

 

 

And here is where you boyfriend is wrong. He needs to take your feelings into account too. If he knows how you feel about dogs, leaving you alone with it is just wrong.

 

 

Besides, unlike cats, dogs are experts at reading human emotions, even puppies. It probably knows you don't like it, so it will try even harder to get you to, by doing puppy things like jumping on you, licking you etc, Thereby just perpetuating the circle.

 

 

I'd talk to your BF, and work out some compromises. But he should understand your stance also.

[Treasa]

I have to preface this by saying that I am a HUGE animal lover, to the point where I prefer animals over humans (most of the time), and my pets are literally my children to me. I would die for them.

 

That being said, I can see where you're coming from, OP. It sounds like you're not fond of UNTRAINED dogs. Even I, as a huge animal lover, don't like dogs (or children or anything else for that matter) who aren't taught to behave. Now, I realize that this dog is still pretty young, so she's going to be very playful and energetic, but NOW is when your boyfriend should be taking her for training. Puppies can learn very quickly.

 

If this dog was maybe still energetic, but didn't jump all over you, chew on your shoes, etc., would you like her more?

 

How long have you two been dating?

 

Also, if you don't like these things, definitely don't have a kid with him! Puppies are nothing compared to children in terms of all the things you don't like.

[Raichu]

Have you been together long? I'm assuming not if the two of you didn't discuss this before he got the puppy, but correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I don't know how you're going to have a long-lasting relationship if you don't go to his house. He's going to have a hard time visiting your place overnight without the dog, as well. Puppies need a lot of attention and you're probably going to be second priority to it for awhile. I wouldn't expect him to start neglecting the puppy for your relationship.

 

We've been together close to 2 years now so it was a bit of a surprise for me when he announced he was getting a dog.

 

He still lives with his parents at the moment and even though he insists the dog is his they do seem to dote on her as well (they refer to themselves as Mummy and Daddy when talking to her)

[Treasa]

This brings up more questions for me. How old are the two of you? I get the feeling that this dog thing isn't the root of the issue.

[Raichu]

I have to preface this by saying that I am a HUGE animal lover, to the point where I prefer animals over humans (most of the time), and my pets are literally my children to me. I would die for them.

 

That being said, I can see where you're coming from, OP. It sounds like you're not fond of UNTRAINED dogs. Even I, as a huge animal lover, don't like dogs (or children or anything else for that matter) who aren't taught to behave. Now, I realize that this dog is still pretty young, so she's going to be very playful and energetic, but NOW is when your boyfriend should be taking her for training. Puppies can learn very quickly.

 

If this dog was maybe still energetic, but didn't jump all over you, chew on your shoes, etc., would you like her more?

 

How long have you two been dating?

 

Also, if you don't like these things, definitely don't have a kid with him! Puppies are nothing compared to children in terms of all the things you don't like.

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head! It's not the dog I don't like per se but it's behaviour. I wouldn't really have any issues with her if she was able to follow basic commands and do as she is told. (plus I'd not have to worry about my shoes haha!)

 

We've been together almost 2 years so it's getting me down a bit that suddenly there's this massive change to our relationship (as petty as it sounds)

[Gaeta]

If the dog was a Sheppard breed, a toy breed, I would say yes his/her behavior will pass but not with a spaniel. Spaniels are a hunting breed and need tons of exercise and mental stimulation and this all of their life.

 

I know I have a spaniel.

 

My Spaniel is 8 years old and still acts super hyper like a puppy. I had professional training with him but professional training needs to be re-enforced each and every day for the rest of his life otherwise it's back to square one.

 

I go out for a long run/walk with my spaniel each night. If I am late on my run he goes in my bedroom and pull off of my bed the comforter, sheets, blankets, pillow and drag them all over the room. If you are not consistent and devoted to exercise your spaniel they become very mischievous.

 

Your boyfriend needs to understand owning a dog is a life style not the same as acquiring a gold fish. If he does not understand the commitment that is involved in becoming a hunting dog owner I beg him to find this dog a proper home where they will fully understand a spaniel = a life time of reminding fluffy don't jump, don't bark, don't chew, don't pull blanket off bed, don't steal food from table, don't steel bras and socks, don't raid garbage bin......etc etc etc.

 

If you don't like dog, if your boyfriend is not committed to professionally train and run his dog each day it will only get worse and worse for you! This dog DOES feel your dislike toward him and that has him misbehave even more. It's a vicious circle that will never end.

[sweetjasmine]

It's not petty, and I think you're being reasonable.

 

It isn't your responsibility to train the dog. You might decide you want to help, but your boyfriend needs to be proactive and start training the dog himself. You'll need to go along with it to make sure you're not reinforcing bad behaviors, but it shouldn't be on you to take responsibility for training a dog that's not yours and that you didn't want.

 

He absolutely needs to train the puppy, starting as soon as possible. That should be non-negotiable and should be something he wants to do himself in order to be a responsible dog owner. For your own part, when Spot does something like jump up on you, completely ignore it. Try your best not to react. When Spot stops, give her a little bit of verbal praise and pet her.

 

If your boyfriend isn't willing to work on it and wants you to just deal with it, then you'll need to decide whether the relationship is worth you tolerating your own discomfort around the dog.

[Eevee]

Have you been together long? I'm assuming not if the two of you didn't discuss this before he got the puppy, but correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I don't know how you're going to have a long-lasting relationship if you don't go to his house. He's going to have a hard time visiting your place overnight without the dog, as well. Puppies need a lot of attention and you're probably going to be second priority to it for awhile. I wouldn't expect him to start neglecting the puppy for your relationship.

 

Surely if they've been dating close to 2 years then it's a little unfair for the OP to have to take a backseat to a dog she didn't even know was coming into the scene? Of course he shouldn't neglect the puppy but is it equally as fair to neglect his relationship?