Emma1234 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I'm really really struggling today. Everything just feels hopeless and I can hardly hold back the tears. My self-esteem is on the floor, I just feel constantly trapped in this feeling of just sadness and I can't see any hope for the future, what if this is just me? What if I'm just a negative person? What if I do fall for someone else but then it ends and I have to go through this again? I just don't want a lot of this anymore and I keep telling myself things will change when i leave uni or things will change when I start travelling but i don't think it's 'things' that need to change, i think it's just me. I miss him but i hate him for how badly he treated me. I have no idea if his ex has taken him back, he is removed from everything. But I also know that we're never going to be back together because I could never take him back as it would mean I don't respect myself. That means all hope is gone which makes the pain even rawer. What do you do when everything feels so hopeless?
sabd Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 The first thing I do when everything feels hopeless and pointless is think of my blessings. I practice gratitude. For instance: I'm grateful the breakup happened before we moved in together. I'm grateful he lives 6 hours away and I never have to see him again. I'm grateful I got to see his true colours in the end. I'm grateful I've learned to spot red flags and warning signs. I'm grateful that this experience is making me stronger and smarter. And that's just about the breakup. If you start looking at other areas of your life, you'll find an endless supply of things to be grateful and thankful for. Acknowledging them and appreciating these things regularly (at least daily) starts to shift your mindset where you slowly begin to value what you DO have and think less about what you don't, ie. your ex. Try it. I know its a bit of a "silver lining" approach but it's worked for me. 1
Jimmyjackson Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 If you feel you've hit rock bottom, remember the only way is 'up', you can't go any lower. Tell yourself this when you feel sad. 1
Author Emma1234 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Thank you to both of you, I appreciate support more than I can explain. I think the reason I'm struggling is because when I got over him last time things ended I felt even more depressed just about my life and sense of self. I don't know whether this is because of personal issues or whether this 'oppressive' feeling is just me and nothing to do with a break up. But thank you, I write gratitude lists every evening but I still constantly have this hopelessness either lingering or completely engulfing me. Does anyone else feel like this? 1
Ruby65 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Sweetie, what steps are you taking to help yourself feel better? Are you working out every day? That's really important to help change your brain chemistry back to a more positive pre-breakup state. Are you spending time with people you care about? You need to consciously add new things in your life that give you positive feelings -- or if that's too much right now, what about doing something like volunteering for a cause you care about? At least that way you're contributing to something bigger than yourself and helping others. You'd be surprised how good that makes you feel. 2
Satu Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 What do you do when everything feels so hopeless? I've felt the same as you, but not for a very long time. One thing that worked for me was to get into my body. Do some stretching. Do some breathing. Jump up and down. Clap your hands. Say something and listen to your voice. Stamp your feet. Touch things. Smell things. This helps put the lid on the feelings for a while, so that we can take a break from them. It sounds to me that you're right in the middle of the most difficult part of a grieving process. The babe of the abyss. You go all the way down until there's nowhere deeper down to go. And then very slowly, you lift off the bottom and start to rise. This process is natural. It's part of being human. You are hurting, but you're also healing. This is the truth. 2
Author Emma1234 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Sweetie, what steps are you taking to help yourself feel better? Are you working out every day? That's really important to help change your brain chemistry back to a more positive pre-breakup state. Are you spending time with people you care about? You need to consciously add new things in your life that give you positive feelings -- or if that's too much right now, what about doing something like volunteering for a cause you care about? At least that way you're contributing to something bigger than yourself and helping others. You'd be surprised how good that makes you feel. If I'm being honest I gave myself the last week to just not think about any of that stuff and eat whatever I wanted partially because it was a good distraction and partly because I had two assignments due. But you're right. I'm going to start running and heading back to the gym like I did 5 times a week before when we were together (I've been avoiding it because I've got a lot of memories of him to do with the gym as he is obsessed with it). Volunteering would be something I'd love to do, sadly it's the time as i'm in my final two months of earning my degree so I hardly have a spare second. After I graduate I certainly will though. I'm spending time with my friends as I live with one of them and work alongside others but everyone is so stressed with final year things it's difficult. Especially as I feel like I've done something wrong all the time which is probably just my self esteem. I don't know, I think once the next two months are over life might change, right now I am (and I don't mean to sounds ungrateful) in a house that I fine very depressing and cold, in a city with memories all over the place so I have to avoid going certain places, and with a million worries about the future hanging over me. It's just the next two months. I've gone home to my parents house for the weekend and being in a different environment is helping a little. I still have the pit of hopelessness in my stomach though, I'd just like to feel content rather than constantly down if that makes sense? Thank you for your response, it does help so much hearing other peoples ideas and support
Author Emma1234 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 I've felt the same as you, but not for a very long time. One thing that worked for me was to get into my body. Do some stretching. Do some breathing. Jump up and down. Clap your hands. Say something and listen to your voice. Stamp your feet. Touch things. Smell things. This helps put the lid on the feelings for a while, so that we can take a break from them. It sounds to me that you're right in the middle of the most difficult part of a grieving process. The babe of the abyss. You go all the way down until there's nowhere deeper down to go. And then very slowly, you lift off the bottom and start to rise. This process is natural. It's part of being human. You are hurting, but you're also healing. This is the truth. The exercise is definitely something I should be doing, you're completely right. I have just been avoiding the gym because it reminds me of him, plus i just haven't felt like it. I'm going to start running with my friends and maybe yoga as I've always wanted to (but then that reminds me of the situation because his ex was a big yoga enthusiast). I'm just worried that this feeling is nothing to do with the break up or him and just to do with how i feel about myself and my life in general. I do gratitude lists every day and I know I am so lucky to lead the life I live and yet i have this constant heavy pit in my stomach and the feeling that I can't breathe properly. I've had it for a while, even when I got over him last time. Sorry I'm rambling, thank you for your advice, it's nice to think that I'm healing.
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