katiegrl Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 No I agree... The third text wasn't really needed. But it wasn't a "bad move" IMO... The relationship was already over, so it was somewhat irrelevant. The OP didn't do anything wrong that drove this guy away, he just lost interest/disappeared. And if you have the right person, you won't need to play games like stop texting for 5 days and play hard to get, which in my frank opinion is bull****. Especially for being 2 months in. I wasn't advocating games or playing hard to get. I was advocating pulling back in response to your partner pulling back. Not to play games...but because it's the smart thing to do ... 1
Redhead14 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 i was blinded by how intense it was, that i didnt even realize he was backing off. i feel like such a fool right now. Assuming he does text me again (i have a feeling he will) in the next couple days or weeks, am I too ignore him? I ****ing hate games, but I don't want to be perceived as expendable. What would you guys do? Yes, you're right, you're blinded by endorphins. It happens to just about everyone. You have already become too emotionally "invested" in this. If he seriously wants to see you again and has a very good excuse for allowing 10 days to pass without contacting you, he needs to make a phone call to you, not a text. If he calls you, seems genuinely interested in seeing you again and has a specific plan and, most importantly, YOU want to see him, you should accept the date. If after all this, you're not "feeling" it for him, just tell him you don't think you two are a good match. If he just sends a little "hey, how are ya text" or "non-substantial" ping type of thing, I'd ignore it.
Redhead14 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Redhead, in all my long term relationships (three), including my current (5+ years), it was both of us taking the initiative...both of us reciprocating, both of us "pursuing" each other..... pretty much from the get go. And it's always worked out well for me. All those men wanted to marry me (including my current)... so I must be doing something right. But I respect your way too...if that's what works for you and what you're comfortable with, far be it for me to disagree. Different strokes and all that... Yes, we all need to have an approach that works for us and be consistent with using that approach. Sometimes, people just aren't clear in their heads about how to do it and they kinda criss cross between styles and get confused. And, each person is different and each relationship is different. If you are paying attention to the other person and learning their preferences, styles, ways, etc. You will mirror them. If a woman meets a guy who seems to like a little return pursuit, then she should go with that if she's comfortable with it. But, I'll bet that the guys you'd met who wanted to marry you, would have wanted that with you even if you didn't do much if any return pursuit, because, you're awesome
Author Ouchouchouch Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Thanks for the support everyone. Lesson learned.
katiegrl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Yes, we all need to have an approach that works for us and be consistent with using that approach. Sometimes, people just aren't clear in their heads about how to do it and they kinda criss cross between styles and get confused. And, each person is different and each relationship is different. If you are paying attention to the other person and learning their preferences, styles, ways, etc. You will mirror them. If a woman meets a guy who seems to like a little return pursuit, then she should go with that if she's comfortable with it. But, I'll bet that the guys you'd met who wanted to marry you, would have wanted that with you even if you didn't do much if any return pursuit, because, you're awesome Aw gee thanks Red! You're pretty fab yourself!!
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