Radu Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Ever met totally unmotivated men like this? Yes, look up Men Going Their Own Way. I felt like this as well around 29-30.
AD1980 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It's weird to me how really social people get angry at socially awkward people at times like it's something they are doing on purpose..Some of us just aren't smooth conversationalists or great in social situations
imtooconfused Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Yes, look up Men Going Their Own Way. Since I messed up my first post on this thread, now let me try to add something constructive. Some things associated with MGTOW resonate with me but not all. While I am older, I don't have a huge amount of dating experience, having been married for most of those years. Now that I am in a different situation, however, I know better exactly what I am looking for. So when I meet someone, I can quickly come to the conclusion as to whether any future potential exists. It's more to my liking to be alone than to force a relationship that won't work for me. If I dig deep into my subconscious, I might conclude that I am worried that being in a mediocre relationship will prevent me from finding the right relationship, and I am willing to accept a good measure of loneliness as a consequence. I don't believe that I have a lack of motivation, but experience has caused me to be jaded and selective.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 I don't think its necessarily being bitter, but may be jaded (which is kind of neutral) or somehow just unaffected by women. I recall some middle-aged men having a conversation at a restaurant/bar/grill, and it looked like 2 women at the bar were attempting to get their attention by trying to make eye-contact with them. The men would see them, but not acknowledge them ....they weren't purposely ignoring them, but someone might think they , at least these days, may need a hammer to the head to say, "Hey, she LIKES YOU dude!" But it just doesn't "register" with men of a certain age anymore. Though, I do know 50-something "Baby Boomer" themed Meetup events, where the men swarm the hottest 50 year old woman in the room. lol *Shrug* go figure. Some never get jaded, and pursue willingly no matter what age.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 I also wonder, when I was younger, or when all of us were younger we were "hyped up" to fall in love. Romantic movies moved us more emotionally and a lot of our friends (or at least mine) upon getting closer to college graduation, TONS of the people they hooked up with in college got engaged and quickly married. (Most in their early to mid 20s) The motivation to marry was in the air big time. But for the stragglers that wound up reaching 40-something and older....been in and out of relationships, dating, online dating, etc...there comes a time where one grows weary...and, probably even worse, feels that they MAY lack the ability to love the member of the opposite sex. I am wondering if I'm reaching this point and the only people I currently truly love are my parents/relatives.
GemmaUK Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Hey, he asks about my dating life, so.... you're point? I am what point? 'You are point' (you're point)....not sure how to respond to that and I have no idea what you mean??
thefooloftheyear Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 IThough, I do know 50-something "Baby Boomer" themed Meetup events, where the men swarm the hottest 50 year old woman in the room. lol *Shrug* go figure. Some never get jaded, and pursue willingly no matter what age. My guess is many of those guys show up there to try to get an easy lay from an older and less inhibited or sexually frustrated woman, but probably dont want the dog and pony show involved with dating, courting, etc.. Maybe not all, but I bet a lot are like this..So what are they really "pursuing"? TFY
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Maybe he has a passive nature. I know a guy like that, he always looks but he would never act. He's almost like a child really. Some guys are passive, they don't want to be otherwise. They would rather the woman be more dominant.
imtooconfused Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 I recall some middle-aged men having a conversation at a restaurant/bar/grill, and it looked like 2 women at the bar were attempting to get their attention by trying to make eye-contact with them. The men would see them, but not acknowledge them ....they weren't purposely ignoring them, but someone might think they , at least these days, may need a hammer to the head to say, "Hey, she LIKES YOU dude!" The jaded part of me would ask, how many other random guys did those 2 women flirt with the last few times they were at the bar? What makes me any more special than the last guys they met? I guess I am at a point where it takes more to get my attention than a smile across the room. Because I am selective, I am ultimately looking for someone who is almost or is as selective as I am. If I am in her group that makes the cut, then I have a whole lot more interest. Is that bad? Is that unmotivated?
calvincline47 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I'm sure this is isolated, but I have a friend of mine who just turned 50 and when he speaks of some women he's met and we get to talking about them, I would ask if he's asked her out. His response would always be, "Well, she always appears busy or involved in her own thing from looking at her Facebook photos." I said to her, "Did she ever tell you she's busy? Did you ever even call her?" and I get pretty much the same response back, that she only APPEARS busy. He doesn't call her, he just assumes she's busy...so he doesn't want to have to disturb her lifestlyle. He does this constantly with women, and I'm like, "Dude! Just call her and find out for yourself!" and he says, "Well, that's just the way I do things when it comes to dating, you are a bit more tenacious than I am, so what can I say?" Personally though, I do pick up that he hasn't been really motivated lately, and I think his health is keeping him more sedentary / slow-moving, too. I think some women his age can run circles around him, and I'm thinking he won't be able to keep up. Ever met totally unmotivated men like this? I understand where he's coming from. I'm sure you know that dating for men is A LOT of work. As men get older, many lose their libido. Once this happens, they probably just decide that it is just not worth the effort.
SupportiveGuy Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 My dad's like that. It seems traditional for men to joke and complain about dating and relationships and sex and women. My dad's way too insecure to actually hang out with women his own age. With all the liberal nonsense in my town, women don't expect to be treated equal, they want more more more of everything, wine and dine, courtesy and romance, things men wouldn't do for other men. I'd bet it all boils down to social anxiety. He's making an effort, taking you along as a wingman I guess, but the anxiety overpowers the motivation when he actually gets there, and all he can think of is how to distance himself from the crowd. He probably wants someone with energy with him to lure the ladies to him, feel them out, talk them up for him, etc. 1
calvincline47 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 My dad's like that. It seems traditional for men to joke and complain about dating and relationships and sex and women. My dad's way too insecure to actually hang out with women his own age. With all the liberal nonsense in my town, women don't expect to be treated equal, they want more more more of everything, wine and dine, courtesy and romance , things men wouldn't do for other men. I'd bet it all boils down to social anxiety. He's making an effort, taking you along as a wingman I guess, but the anxiety overpowers the motivation when he actually gets there, and all he can think of is how to distance himself from the crowd. He probably wants someone with energy with him to lure the ladies to him, feel them out, talk them up for him, etc. This seems to be what most western women want.
Veron123 Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) Tell him life will get difficult like this if he keeps this attitude. He should know what he wants from life and how to get it. Nobody's gonna make effort for him. He has to do it himself. Edited April 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SupportiveGuy Posted April 5, 2015 Posted April 5, 2015 I think that's so wrong. We all need to stand together in solidarity, help each other out, be there for each other. We're only human, we can't always know how to do everything right, and it's unreasonable to expect it from anyone. It's the only way.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted April 5, 2015 Author Posted April 5, 2015 Tell him life will get difficult like this if he keeps this attitude. He should know what he wants from life and how to get it. Nobody's gonna make effort for him. He has to do it himself. Well, he does enjoy his own hobbies and home projects, when he does online dating, his motivation to follow-up with the ladies in dating them is rather slack.
NGC1300 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Ever met totally unmotivated men like this? Yes I am one myself. I would love to find a woman I connect with, but lately the whole process just seems like a burden.
Revolver Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 (edited) I just don't think it's worth it to go through dozens if not hundreds of women to find someone who probably just thinks you are "OK"(which chances are will probably go nowhere in the end). I stopped at 14(0-14 btw)and was like this is ridiculous. Edited May 10, 2015 by Revolver
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Yes I am one myself. I would love to find a woman I connect with, but lately the whole process just seems like a burden. Yea. No matter how many rejections you go through, it's still not really fun. And believe me when I say I've been through a lot. To have another chance at a woman just requires me to log on to another website, and press a few clicks, but every rejection still stings a bit.
ZA Dater Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I am turning 31 this week and I am on the verge of simply giving up completely and trying to leave me morals at home and try a pay date where I can at least experience something. Ultimately that idea doesn't appeal to me at all because I did meet someone I really liked, sadly she just clearly couldn't stand me, which still hurts really badly. I wish I could say it will feel better but it does, with each day, each birthday it just feels worse to not have experienced any of that. Yes, I understand why guys give up.
salparadise Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I would love to find a woman I connect with, but lately the whole process just seems like a burden. Sort of what I'm feeling these days too. Four relationships in the five years I've been divorced, each one requiring a big effort only to fizzle in a fairly unsatisfying way. I get a good amount of interest from women on dating sites, but instead getting enthusiastic and starry-eyed I think, eh, she obviously has high expectations so it's probably not worth the effort. Now if an attractive woman was to give me reason to believe that she'd meet me half way rather than expecting me to go into hot pursuit mode––while she's deciding whether to accept/reject and playing that game with other men at the same time––it might feel different. And it's not only about effort... in a sense, they expect you to put your dignity on the line as well. I get the feeling that we need to be looking for women who are as tired of the process as we are, and are ready to make it easy.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 The reason why I often times lack the motivation to pursue, is due to depression, pain, frustration of being a late bloomer
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