Moving on

[darkbloom]

I think I am finally ready to let go. It has been over 2 months but I don't know how many days I have been NC as I have made a conscious decision to stop counting. My healing was going really well and then I had a couple of rough days where I was back to obsessing over him. It finally hit me yesterday that I will be okay if he never contacts me again. The thought post BU used to send me spiraling into an immediate anxiety attack. Now, I can consider and accept it as a real possibility without any panic.

 

I went out on Saturday and was so relieved that he wasn't with me. I met two new guys, flirted, and all around had a great time. The only thought I had of him was that I hoped he didn't show up in the bar. PROGRESS.

 

Does anyone have any tips for keeping this momentum going? I am feeling really good about myself and the progress I have made. I know I will have rough days and I need whatever help I can get on those days to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And for the love of God to NOT look back. I have been really strict NC (no calls, no texts, no social media stalking, no little birdies giving me info, no smoke signals, no running into him, no running into any of his friends) I literally know nothing going on in his life except that he works in the same place still that someone who did not know we had broken up started to talk to me about until I stopped her. I hope we are getting 90 day chips for this no contact business. I have never been addicted to anything but I feel like he may have been my first experience with addiction. I have also been working on myself and focusing on my job. Any other tips for getting completely over him?

[milk]

I wish I had tips to help you! I just wanted to say that I am so happy for you and your healing and all the progress that you have made. I cannot wait to be where you are in this process!

 

You have been very strong and resilient for more than 2 months and I bet these last lingering feelings will subside before you know it. He will be completely out of your system.. waaah!

[darkbloom]

I wish I had tips to help you! I just wanted to say that I am so happy for you and your healing and all the progress that you have made. I cannot wait to be where you are in this process!

 

You have been very strong and resilient for more than 2 months and I bet these last lingering feelings will subside before you know it. He will be completely out of your system.. waaah!

 

Thank you for the reply and the encouragement! I am extremely proud of myself for my progress. When we broke up the first time, I was not able to stick to NC even though I knew that it was what I needed to do. Perhaps I needed to touch the stove a few more times to confirm that it is indeed hot. I also had no idea that there was a website like this that I can channel my obsessive energy to.

 

Why is that some days are easier than others? I was deleting pictures in my phone today to make more room and I came across a picture of him. I don't even feel anything when I look at the picture. It makes me feel weird. But my mantras when he pops into my head are 'Let it go' and 'Move on'. It works for the most part. Letting go of the anger at him is the hardest. Trying my best.

 

Random things trigger memories. I went to Target today. He and I used to go to Target every Sunday together so the whole damn store is like a walking memory with him. I don't go to 'our' Target anymore though. I picked one in basically another galaxy. (I said a little prayer that I live in a big city and can have my pick of multiple targets. I assume he still goes to the same Target as he is a creature of habit.) I WANT MY TARGET EXPERIENCE BACK WITHOUT BEING REMINDED OF HIM. The next relationship I get into, we are only going to frequent places that are far away. That way, when we break up I won't have to alter my routine nearly so much. Kidding. I think.

[milk]

omg, so funny, Target was a thing for me and my ex too. I remember I went to Target with my mom after the first time we broke up and I burst out into tears in the bathing suit section. I can't believe that was a thing and I am so ashamed lmao.

 

Anyway I am sure that after this learning experience you will be strong enough to not have to alter routine places if you do experience another BU (I hope you won't!). At this point, how do you think you would feel if you actually did run into him?

 

I wish I knew why some days are harder than others. Sometimes I think it has everything to do with our dreams. But not everyone dreams so I guess we will just have to accept it as it is. Apparently things have to get worse before they can get better, I guess even toward the end so all the bad stuff can be completely rid of hehe.

 

I think I'll take up some little mantras too, for whenever my thoughts get really bad. Hopefully soon enough 'Let It Go' will just start playing in my head whenever I think of my ex :^)

[darkbloom]

omg, so funny, Target was a thing for me and my ex too. I remember I went to Target with my mom after the first time we broke up and I burst out into tears in the bathing suit section. I can't believe that was a thing and I am so ashamed lmao.

 

Anyway I am sure that after this learning experience you will be strong enough to not have to alter routine places if you do experience another BU (I hope you won't!). At this point, how do you think you would feel if you actually did run into him?

 

I wish I knew why some days are harder than others. Sometimes I think it has everything to do with our dreams. But not everyone dreams so I guess we will just have to accept it as it is. Apparently things have to get worse before they can get better, I guess even toward the end so all the bad stuff can be completely rid of hehe.

 

I think I'll take up some little mantras too, for whenever my thoughts get really bad. Hopefully soon enough 'Let It Go' will just start playing in my head whenever I think of my ex :^)

 

The Target thing is so bizarre. We had a routine. We went through all of the same sections together in the same order. He would carry the basket and I would dance around the aisles and scare him while he was looking in the blu-ray section. I now enter Target and go through it backwards. Ha, take that! (Homeboy still has some of my DVD's and my box set of Dexter. I am not breaking NC to ask for them back though. Ughhhhhhh.)

 

I think I would be more angry than anything if I ran into him. We have A LOT of mutual friends. One of our mutual friends flew in from Seattle and he went and I stayed home. Another of our friends flew in from San Francisco this weekend and I went out with her and he stayed home. Neither of us communicated with the other or said anything to our friends. (A sign that we probably knew each other too well. We clearly are both planning on avoiding each other. Forever.) He works at the same mall that I used to work at. I avoid it like the plague even though I have to go there for work sometimes. I dip into my store and then run like hell away from the mall. I have a lot of friends that work there but I'm not risking it to talk to them. I also haven't eaten at any of the restaurants we dined at for the most part. I have kind of divided up the city in my head. He can have anything by his job and his mom's house. The mall where I work at is mine as is anything that is by my house. I gave him his favorite coffee shop and took the rest for myself. I feel like he can see where I have drawn my battle lines even though I have never told him about them. (This breakup is clearly turning me into a nutcase, I know.) Anyway, I do not know how I would feel seeing him. I would probably say Hi and then try to escape. He would say 'Hi, how are you?" if he saw me. Insert awkwardness and then me being like 'See ya!'

 

I know I am not ready to test my healing yet. I have been lucky enough to avoid him since the final ugly breakup scene. The universe likes to watch me squirm though so it is inevitable that I will run into him soon. The last time the universe laughed at me, one of my friends from college had invited me out for drinks. I knew he had a crush on me but I thought I had made myself very clear that I did not have one back. When I got to his apartment to go out, he asked if I wanted to drink wine on the room of his swanky apartment building. I agreed. Everything was fine until he said he needed a refill and we went back downstairs to his place to get one. He literally launched himself at me behind closed doors. It was icky. I was dating my ex at the time and he didn't even ask me if I had a bf or anything. He was like slobbering on my face and humping my leg. So. Gross. Anyway, TWO DAYS later the ex and I get out of his car and start walking to one of our favorite wine bars. Guess who is standing outside by himself? Humpboy. I WAS LIKE HI HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD TO SEE YOU, LET ME HUG YOU, OH THAT'S GREAT WE NEED TO PUT OUR NAME IN EXCUSE US. I then drug my ex out through the back entrance and through trees and rocks and through a ditch and around the long way back to his car to eat at a different restaurant. My length to avoid awkward conversations knows no limits.