Troy12 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 My ex and I broke up a month and a half ago. There were still feelings but long distance lead to fighting about a lot of small things. It was a mutual break up initiated by me but shortly afterwards I told her I didn't want it but she still thought the distance would make things too difficult. I'm moving back for good 2 months from now and she told me she'll give us another chance by going on a few dates with me and seeing how she feels and promises she means it when it gets closer to that time but she doesn't like absolutes so she doesn't know whether she'll want a relationship then or not. We have remained friends during this time but it's been difficult for me. I still have strong feelings and this friendship is hard on me for now because I want more. I've tried not contacting her but she initiates texts with me and sometimes we'll talk like we use to and other times she is short and distant. I guess what I really want to do is tell her she needs to either commit now to us happening again by the time I get back or there are no promises I'll want to anymore. I know that's pushy and not fair to her but I feel like I need answers and I'm at the point where I'm just counting days and if she doesn't think we'll happen again I need to know now and stop hoping. I'm just sort of in limbo, I can't really move on, I can't be with her. I feel deep down I know I need to just relax and play it cool but it's just really hard for me to do that right now. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how I should behave towards her, and if I should bring any of this up to her or if it will just push her away.
mightycpa Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Yeah, don't push it. Don't give her any ultimatums, or any deadlines. You're in no position to do that, and she'll call your bluff. You might want to try the truth. Tell her that you notice that things aren't even in the emotional department, and that you think that if you stay this way, that when you see her in a couple of months, she's not going to like you very much. The her that because of that, you need some time to detach emotionally, so that you're on even footing when you come to town. Tell her that the way you plan to detach emotionally is by limiting contact with her. Tell her that your goal is to be comfortable and happy without her in your life, and that way, when you see her, you'll know whether your desire to be with her is real or if it is just the desperation of lost love talking. Tell her you'll give her a buzz after you get in town and get settled. Then cut her off. It's only a couple of months. I know it sounds risky, but true love can wait forever. Two months is nothing. If it doesn't work out, you'll be that much more ahead of the game.
Author Troy12 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the reply. I plan on telling her something along those lines the next conversation we have. Even though I really want her in my life I know it's the best thing for me. I do think if she believes I have feelings for her after 3-4 months she will believe I'm as serious about us working as she once was. I just don't know how to handle feeling like I'm in limbo. I want to either move on or know for certain the future, and I know that's not possible but she has left it so open ended and that is what is causing me to have so much anxiety. If she really loves me as much she has told me we should get back together but there is so much uncertainty now I don't know what to think. The last conversation we had it just sort of felt like I was making progress and she brought up the past and it was a lot like how we use to talk. So if I'm making progress and regaining her trust I don't know if cutting her off completely is the best thing to do? Maybe I should try and suck it up for the time being and see where it goes? Edited March 12, 2015 by Troy12
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