Strange reason for breakup and exclusive break?

[aduro91]

So I have been with a girl for about a month and a half. Things have been so romantic and fun and sweet and we have been saying we love each other. Recently however, she met up with her ex, just to sort out some rent payments at the estate agents, but i overreacted when she told me and was asking too many questions. The day after she has asked for 'some time' and she won't be coming to my birthday tomorrow which really hurts, she also alluded to completely breaking off at some points.

 

Whats very strange is the fact that another reason she gave for veering towards not wanting to continue the relationship was the fact that one time we were making donuts (isn't that just so cool haha) and i got a bit carried away and we could have been late (but weren't) for a meal with her family. She was angry and stressed by this at the time because she felt she had to rush but I was very apologetic and thought the issue was cleared but she rehashed it while asking for more time/nearly breaking up.

 

The whole thing seems a bit out of proportion and i asked her if we were exclusive in this break, she got offended by me 'having that on my mind' and again said 'why not just end this'. I told her i wanted her to say we were still exclusive and then sent her a heartfelt text saying i would give her time and space while being exclusive because we shouldn't hastily throw this all away. In a reply she said 'that wasn't the impression i got from that question, sorry. And that was a nice honest message so thanks for saying how you feel. I'll just need my time". now does that mean we are exclusive or not? and any other opinions? thanks guys!

[Satu]

Too much too soon.

 

Back off a bit.

[gnick]

I've learned to allways let the women bring up relationship issues like being exclusive and never start saying I love you untill they do it 1st and usually not a good idea at all untill atleast 6 months in.when the women starts feeling she might lose her freedom they back off in a hurry. Next time just focus on having fun.don't worry about exes relationship issues etc

[mightycpa]

In a reply she said 'that wasn't the impression i got from that question, sorry. And that was a nice honest message so thanks for saying how you feel. I'll just need my time". now does that mean we are exclusive or not? and any other opinions? thanks guys!

It doesn't sound like you are. The good news is that she's not very straightforward and communicative, and that means that you would do well to take the position that she's not the kind of girl you're looking for. She "loves you" and took your jealousy as unfathomable. She blew up an incident that never happened. She's even wishy-washy about keeping your or cutting you loose, which basically means she wants you to suffer.

 

Let me ask you a question. What kind of girl "loves you" but wants you to suffer emotionally?

 

If you answered "the kind of girl I don't want to be with", then you got it right. Otherwise, better get out your opera glasses because you're in for a world of drama.

[aduro91]

MORE NEWS

 

So things are looking quite positive. she has told me she was thinking about me, and (after reading an email i sent to her which acknowledged how i stressed her out and said what i was going to do to change things so it wouldn't happen again, and I suggested a week break, she had vaguely mentioned just until this weekend so i think i showed some strength there) she said "I've read your email, well thought out. Perhaps we will both be more relaxed in a weeks time x".

 

I replied to this by saying "lets just chill for a week and see x". Now i hope this was a good move, in retrospect I'm worried it wasn't as positive as her text, but thinking about it another way i am showing I'm not too needy which is one of the reasons she needed a break (i texted/phoned excessively when i found out she saw her ex briefly for a normal/practical reason).

 

So I'm wondering what people think of this last text, theres no option now really because we've initiated no contact and i don't want to break it just to make that last text more positive.

Edited March 14, 2015 by aduro91

[SycamoreCircle]

OP, it's over. She's on her way out the door. All of your supplication and wanting to please her is just speeding the thing up.

 

Do not send her any more messages. Do not make any advances towards her.

 

The good news is---this is not entirely your fault. She wasn't entirely into you. Her recent indecisiveness(that ex meeting wasn't just about financial loose ends) coupled with your overcompensating SPELLS out that the two of you are not suited for each other. I'm sorry.

 

Try not to take this too hard. Be who you are. Accept that not everyone will complement you. Go out with some dignity.

[Ruby65]

I have to agree with the above. I think she was using you as a rebound from her ex -- which is why things moved so quickly in the beginning, she was transferring her feelings from him to you.

 

But seeing him made her realize she's not over him and question her feelings for you.

 

It usually doesn't end well for the Rebound Guy (or Girl).