Jedi Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 My sister met her boyfriend in work, ( they work together) and he doesn't drive and still lives with his mother and he is 42, she is 22. He lets her drive him everywhere and doesn't respect her enough but she still wants to be with him, I have no idea why. Now just recently he was making fun about her in front of co workers to make them laugh and I hate people that try to show off in front of other people, she got upset about it. I just hear all of this and I'm getting sick of it and I'm her brother and I'm sure he thinks Im a pushover because Im shy and skinny. What do I do? I wish I had the confidence to scare him off but I don't.
Satu Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 She needs to stand up for herself. Any solution that you can think of, will be of much less benefit.
Author Jedi Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 She needs to stand up for herself. Any solution that you can think of, will be of much less benefit. Yeah, I kinda knew I'd get this answer. But I hear so many stories of women still staying with their bf/husband no matter what he does. But at least I got it off my chest. 1
Starship Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 The last time a sister listened to a brother's advice about a boyfriend was...er....um...let's see...NEVER. I certainly never did. It's a plus that you care about your sister but she is an adult. Unless he he some way physically abuses her, not much you can do. 1
Satu Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Yeah, I kinda knew I'd get this answer. But I hear so many stories of women still staying with their bf/husband no matter what he does. But at least I got it off my chest. Your feelings are perfectly understandable, but she really does have to learn to take care of herself. Sadly, thats how it works.
darkmoon Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 i think she will drop him in time, if he is making her uncomfortable, he will go, give him enough rope...
Tayla Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 that is genuine brotherly concern. and yes , sisters' do listen to their brothers advice! My brothers pt blank told me....do not date the guys I hang around with, and they were right to caution that! They knew their mindset and protected me from that. Good sibling relations allow the speaking out in concern and working in supportive ways. Key is how its presented and the tone. Not sure that putting the guy down in his living circumstance is wise.
Author Jedi Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) that is genuine brotherly concern. and yes , sisters' do listen to their brothers advice! My brothers pt blank told me....do not date the guys I hang around with, and they were right to caution that! They knew their mindset and protected me from that. Good sibling relations allow the speaking out in concern and working in supportive ways. Key is how its presented and the tone. Not sure that putting the guy down in his living circumstance is wise. I stated his ability to not drive and living circumstance to show why I think he's taking advantage of her by having her drive him to places and imo he is immature. Any brother would be angry if he heard his sisters boyfriend was making fun of her to show off in front of co-workers. The guy is 42 and I act more mature than him and I'm 19. She does everything for him when he should be lucky in the first place he has her. Edited March 12, 2015 by Jedi more to say.
Radu Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 There was someone on LS a while back who was in this situation at one point, except that his sister got married to her abuser. One day he couldn't take it anymore and beat the crap out of him, even the Police understood why ... but there were charges filed, and he ended up doing 7yrs behind bars. She stood by her husband, and after the whole thing was there to care for his wounds. I know you love your sister, but the above should be a big cautionary tale for you ... that should tell you also that in these situations, unless the person in question [your sister] wants to be saved ... they won't want to be saved. Think of her as an addict, an addict for being demeaned and abused. Until she hits truly rock bottom, things won't change and at best you will enable it.
Author Jedi Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 There was someone on LS a while back who was in this situation at one point, except that his sister got married to her abuser. One day he couldn't take it anymore and beat the crap out of him, even the Police understood why ... but there were charges filed, and he ended up doing 7yrs behind bars. She stood by her husband, and after the whole thing was there to care for his wounds. I know you love your sister, but the above should be a big cautionary tale for you ... that should tell you also that in these situations, unless the person in question [your sister] wants to be saved ... they won't want to be saved. Think of her as an addict, an addict for being demeaned and abused. Until she hits truly rock bottom, things won't change and at best you will enable it. That's true, I'm not a violent person so it's very unlikely it would get to that. Cheers!
coolheadal Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Your sister loves this guy but at the same time he's making fun at her at work. First off you don't do that at work he's childish dysfunctional behavior in verbal abuses ways is not a good enough today. She might just brush this off as just a tad joking and kidding around. She shouldn't do that! Playing into his ways of disrespecting her in public places like work of all places. He also seems to be freeloading on her making her do all the driving and such. The age difference alone 42 year old man with 22 year old. 20 years difference is a lot. 16 years max but not 20 years. She can do better than him. She need to drop him NOW!
Starship Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 that is genuine brotherly concern. and yes , sisters' do listen to their brothers advice! My brothers pt blank told me....do not date the guys I hang around with, and they were right to caution that! They knew their mindset and protected me from that. Good sibling relations allow the speaking out in concern and working in supportive ways. Key is how its presented and the tone. Not sure that putting the guy down in his living circumstance is wise. Nobody said brothers don't speak out. Nobody said sisters do not listen to brothers. I have never known a sister to drop a new boyfriend ...not a theoretic type of guy...because of the advice of a brother. I certainly never dropped a new boyfriend because of brotherly advice.
Tayla Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 The last time a sister listened to a brother's advice about a boyfriend was...er....um...let's see...NEVER. I certainly never did. It's a plus that you care about your sister but she is an adult. Unless he he some way physically abuses her, not much you can do. Nobody said brothers don't speak out. Nobody said sisters do not listen to brothers. I have never known a sister to drop a new boyfriend ...not a theoretic type of guy...because of the advice of a brother. I certainly never dropped a new boyfriend because of brotherly advice. YUp, pretty sure those comments were made....(contradict much?) Love the fiesty character trait though! Interesting!!
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