lakerman34 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) So, I work with an organization where they put us in underserved schools for the year. They team us up with a teach that we work with for the entire year. I'm 24, teacher I work with is 23. She was in a LTR, so I just stayed friends, and she would tell people we were "just friends." Fine. Whatever. Beginning of this year, she ends her 4 year relationship. She never really talks about it much, but she did mention to me how she was over for him for about a year (and I believe her fully considering a run-in I had with them). She gets friendlier. The kids all think we're dating. Even teachers think we're dating. She brings up in a team meeting people think we're dating. She asked me if I still talk to the girl I was previously dating, I said no, she said, "good. She's crazy. Don't talk to her." We go back and forth in class sometimes. She gives me looks, I give her looks, and we can read each other's faces (mostly about our frustration with students). Then she starts preening a little bit. She'll put a soft hand on me to tell me something, she brushes up against me quite a lot, and I'm touching her a little more (nothing overtly sexual). One of our exchanges include me calling her a dork yesterday, she laughing about it, a student cutely protecting her calling me "mustard smelling," saying she likes mustard, and me saying "yeah. I enjoy smelling mustard." I asked her for help on my lesson plan for my teaching application, she gave me an ear to ear smile. We sort of joke around about the kids thinking we're gonna get married, and I haven't heard her call me "friend" lately at all (she did call me "bruh" once recently, but I let it go). BAD signs: -I think she's texting a guy, and there's a pic on HIS Facebook with them VERY close to each other. -She's VERY short on her text messages. Sometimes doesn't respond at all -We NEVER say 'hi' to each other in the morning, BUT I catch her looking at me sometimes when we have morning circles with staff (she stands across from me) -She doesn't seem to make an effort to be around me unless absolutely necessary -She got Tinder (but doesn't seem like a Tinder type of girl to me) -We might work at the same school next year, may be holding her back -Doesn't laugh at all my jokes -Her friends in the school are nice, but not extra nice to me (used to be, not so much anymore--it's more professional feeling now) -Tension is sometimes there, sometimes not -Doesn't seem nervous in my presence -She's an introvert, sometimes won't respond to me when I ask her questions (think she's locked up in her own head) -Never tells me anything too personal -Today, I was texting her a little (starting to get texting game up), and she was pretty receptive. Then I told her about my erotic novel (not real--just made up--told her I was gonna be celebrity status), and her response was just "ew." I would think an interested girl would take a liking to ANYTHING sexual talk from a guy she likes/is crushing on GOOD signs: -Touching. Could be due to just being in close proximity to each other, but we brush up on each other a lot, she preens me sometimes, recently when I preened her (took a piece of hair off her shirt), she smiled largely and said, "awww" -Definitely looks my way whenever she passes me -Playful in classroom, at times -Sometimes, she'll see me and walk right past me, sometimes she'll make playful conversation -Haven't heard her call me a "friend" in a LONG while -Weird sign: sometimes, I offer her ways to, essentially, dump me into the friendzone, and she seems to back away. For example, overextending myself (telling her I'd help her move out, help her grade papers during my break, bring her lunch because she sometimes forgets to and I cook A LOT every single night), but she avoids it all -Once asked her if she could pick me up to go to a school bball game. I forgot about a prior engagement I had with another girl, she asked if she was picking me up, I said, "sry, I forgot I had something with *girl's name*" and she just responded with an "oh. ok." -She notices things about my appearance. For example, says I look completely different w/o uniform on, or without my glasses on. Also, once told a student I had very broad shoulders -Seems to not want me to know about guys she's (possibly) texting -Definitely remembers things I say/do. For example, I posted a convo I had where a guy asked me if I was "Halfrican," I told him I was Halfrican-Caribbean, he responded with "ah, so you're cuter than us you're saying?" She asked me a couple of days later, "it's because you're cuter than me, isn't it?" -Today in class, I was texting a friend of mine quite a lot, and I saw her looking over at me about it Probably can think of more, but all I got now. Thoughts? I think I obviously can't do anything until my term at the school is done, but how should I act moving forward? Edited March 11, 2015 by lakerman34
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Here's an idea. Why not man up and just ask her out? If she's interested, she'll say yes. Keep things simple. 2
Author lakerman34 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Here's an idea. Why not man up and just ask her out? If she's interested, she'll say yes. Keep things simple. I would, but it's a matter of we are in the classroom all day together, and may be (not certainly, but maybe) teaching in the same school next year. She definitely comes across as the "I'm not going to date someone I work with" type of girl.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I would, but it's a matter of we are in the classroom all day together, and may be (not certainly, but maybe) teaching in the same school next year. She definitely comes across as the "I'm not going to date someone I work with" type of girl. If that's the case, life is too short to focus on someone that's unattainable. I would just forget about her. Ironically, the indifference you show will probably make more of an impression and get her thinking about you more. But it's usually never a good idea to date in the workplace anyways. So keep other options open.
Buddhist Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 To be honest I think you're making too much of everything. Nothing here screams attraction. And who cares what other people say about you being a couple, people do that for fun, not serious.
preraph Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 My feeling is that since everyone already thinks you're seeing each other, no harm in just asking her out. In fact, I believe I'd say, "Hey, since everyone already thinks we're seeing each other, don't you think we may as well go on a date?" She seems friendly, but you never know if that's how she is with everyone or not. But even if so, she's probably friendly enough to go out with you.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 My feeling is that since everyone already thinks you're seeing each other, no harm in just asking her out. In fact, I believe I'd say, "Hey, since everyone already thinks we're seeing each other, don't you think we may as well go on a date?" She seems friendly, but you never know if that's how she is with everyone or not. But even if so, she's probably friendly enough to go out with you. I'm not "in too deep" that I have the case of oneitis, and when I am done with my term, I can't imagine why she WOULDN'T want to hang out. Even though her roommates are her absolute best friends (also work at the school), I think I rank pretty high on the list (we had instant chemistry from the very beginning). My thing is, if another guy comes around, I want to make myself scarce. I'd be very disappointed if she "dumps" me as a friend after this year, I just can't see that happening though. Most people I talk to about girls in general say, "the relationships that last are the ones that girls get with guys that are in the background, not trying too hard, but not her best friend. That guy she sees every once in a while and really enjoys his presence." I feel as if that's the best approach for me to take right now. If it doesn't work out, I can throw her into oblivion (aka slowly find my way out of her life).
Buddhist Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I'm not "in too deep" that I have the case of oneitis, My thing is, if another guy comes around, I want to make myself scarce. I'd be very disappointed if she "dumps" me If it doesn't work out, I can throw her into oblivion (aka slowly find my way out of her life). Careful, your rampant insecurity is showing.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Careful, your rampant insecurity is showing. Ah, I see what you did there. But isn't it wise that in a one-sided friendship (other person LIKES the one who considered him/her a friend) for unsatisfied person to dip?
Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 You've obviously put alot of thought into it. Try a different approach. Instead of making pro and con lists, just go with your gut. It knows best.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Think less, feel more Funny you should say that as it's something I'm trying to work on. Putting in a meditation regimen. That started a couple of days ago.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 Sooo I've decided to feel more and think less. It's still a bit of a struggle because my mind is always "GO," but I've decided to just be kind, smile, not force interest from my end, and just do what I want to do. Today, I think I got the biggest IOIs from her in a LONG time. We had the kids do an activity where they were doing worksheets, and every time they finished a sheet, they got 2 shots with a ball into a garbage can. We kept score, and based on your score, you got a prize. She and I were tossing the ball into the garbage can, playing music with the kids. She was dancing, having a great time, teasing me. Then, she randomly calls me by my given name (a name that NO ONE calls me). I was like, "HUH?" She smiled and claimed, "it sort of just came out. I don't know why I did that." Then, she had to leave the room, went by me, and completely brushed her boobs up against me. Later on in the day, I grabbed her. She seemed alarmed, but didn't pull away. I put an arm around her saying, "so.....you think you have the right to call me by my Christian name, don't ya?" She said something along the lines of (with a laugh), "if you don't like it, I'll keep calling you it anyway. I think I'm just gonna call you that from now on." Then finally, I went looking for one of the teachers after school. I couldn't find him, so I asked her to borrow her school phone. There was a guy in the classroom. I thought, "ugh....her boy toy is coming to visit her in school. Whatever." She left the room, he left. She came back, asked where he was, I said, "no idea," she responded with, "he's a former teacher here. Also a former fling." I just responded, "ow owww. I gotta go back to baseball practice." "Have funnnn!" Everything felt.....right. I feel as if there is interest, but she's just awful at flirting and may over-analyze even more than I do. I think I'm going to continue to do what I'm doing.....laugh at her jokes, smile at her, get her back when she needs it, all that. At best, something wonderful happens between us. Otherwise, I can make a really good friend out of a really cute girl with really cute girlfriends.....not a bad situation for me. A lady friend of mine says that no girl is comfortable sharing, "that was a fling" with someone unless they are trying to get something out of you knowing. I kind of, from my past experience, agree. Her birthday is in a month. I kind of owe her because she got me a small gift for Christmas, I got her nothing. I'm going to get her something practical (a coffee grinder -- she LOVES coffee, and also a stapler b/c her stapler is broken), and write a card explaining the gift and asking her out on a date (I'll be out of state during her birthday due to a job interview--going to frame it as a celebration of her birthday and my hopeful job offer). Everything looks pretty good.
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