Carm Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hi All, I've been struggling with this issue for a little while. My boyfriend and I were set up by a mutual friend. We've been hitting it off for the last almost 9 months. We're both divorced, I'm 49 and he's 55 so we both bring some baggage into the relationship (by that I mean kids-6 between the both of us). Even though we were both being cautious in jumping in with both feet, we have slowly built a nice relationship and it continues to grow and evolve. The last few months there have been a lot of firsts....first vacation together, weekend sleepovers, meeting his children and last week him inviting me to his daughter's birthday. My issue (and I do believe it's my issue) is that two months ago, I told him I had fallen in love with him and he told me he wasn't there yet but he does foresee that is a definite possibility. Last month he did tell me he wasn't in love BUT he was falling in love with me...so yay some progress. We've chatted about this....he said he is falling but saying the word "love" to anybody he does not take lightly and when he does say it he will mean it and love me intensely. I've been feeling unsettled and anxious about what happens if it doesn't happen. Would you take a risk knowing that things are building? It's over 8 months so I'm just concerned.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I would try to forget about that conversation, act like nothing happened, and continue doing what you're doing...having fun, creating firsts, building positive memories. Men are more focused in on the present and the feelings their partners generate when they are together. If you keep the pressure/conflict/panic to a minimum and fill your space with happiness, how can he not fall in love with you? He's not going to introduce you to his kids and then dump you. Just relax and let it evolve naturally. 3
preraph Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Some men don't say "I love you" until they're ready to back it up with commitment or even a ring. But sounds like things are going okay, so like Pumpkin says, just try to have fun and be fun and build good memories. 2
Buddhist Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Sounds emotionally broken to me but horses for courses. I guess in later life it's all too complicated and one needs to dance around sensitivities. But then again there's no way I'd shack up with a guy so much older at that stage in life either. Odds are good he's only got a few decades left.
Author Carm Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 I would try to forget about that conversation, act like nothing happened, and continue doing what you're doing...having fun, creating firsts, building positive memories. Men are more focused in on the present and the feelings their partners generate when they are together. If you keep the pressure/conflict/panic to a minimum and fill your space with happiness, how can he not fall in love with you? He's not going to introduce you to his kids and then dump you. Just relax and let it evolve naturally. Thank you....it's actually what I thought I need to do. This all came to a head last night when I brought it up. I think I read someone say (maybe even on LS - not that this forum is a reliable source of information) that if a man isn't in love with you within 8 months then it's not going to happen. So, this had me feeling insecure and I don't like the person I am right now because I'm in a vulnerable position. Anyhow, because of this serious discussion last night I sort of feel like we took a step backwards. When he got home last night, he sent me this text..."It is good for me to know where you are at and what you are thinking. I do feel very strongly for you...the feelings continue to grow and our relationship continues to develop. I would like to keep it going as I believe we are on a good path." Now.....that should be good enough for me but why am I feeling so insecure??
Gary S Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Kids are not baggage, they are luggage. Baggage refers to emotional baggage. And each kid is one more little person to love you Guys are not apt to say "I love you" as much as women are. Some guys only let it out in dramatic times, like if you had a car accident. You know he loves you by his actions - how he holds you, how he looks at you, kisses you, and by the things he does. Whatsamatter, you don't like Squint Eastwood?! Talk is cheap but actions scream. 1
Author Carm Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Kids are not baggage, they are luggage. Baggage refers to emotional baggage. And each kid is one more little person to love you Guys are not apt to say "I love you" as much as women are. Some guys only let it out in dramatic times, like if you had a car accident. You know he loves you by his actions - how he holds you, how he looks at you, kisses you, and by the things he does. Whatsamatter, you don't like Squint Eastwood?! Talk is cheap but actions scream. Thanks Gary. It helps to read your post. I agree about the kids. More importantly I do believe his actions speak volumes...everything you mentioned screams that he does but the words won't leave his mouth. I do appreciate the reminder about actions.
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