Nick_09 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hi all, I'm sort of hung up on this girl as stupid as that sounds even though we've not know each other for long at all. Even dating other girls feels boring and academic now So I'm a guy, I met this girl off tinder. We got talking to each other and things seemed to go really well. I kept things cool and we arranged a date for drinks pretty quickly. We texted each other everyday etc and kept it respectable. On our first date we had fun I thought and got chatting for a long time moving on to different places. She did touch me on the shoulder a couple of times and was in to me. Our date lasted about 6hrs and time flew by. We had fun and I gave her a quick massage which she loved and we kissed by the end of the night. Perfect. She text me the next morning thanking me for the night and massage. The day after I arranged another date in a weeks time which she agreed to. This time it was drinks and bowling. The time inbetween we would text but I noticed it wasn't as frequent and I had to start texting her more rather than mutual. She then said would I prefer to go out with her early in the week to an event with her friends instead. I said no but then she said ok but it couldn't be a late one. I then suggested a Friday and she agreed and said it was better because she could relax. I got a funny vibe and thought I'd call her the night before our 2nd date and maybe cancel it. We talked naturally for about an hour and I asked her if she was still on for the date and she said yes so I played it cool and kept the date. On the day she asks if we can make it a little later. I agree. We eventually meet and its ok. We end up going to the venue and I think we both had fun. We then go to the bar section and have drinks and chat and spend the night kissing. She is really into the kissing. In passing convo she also invited me to her exhibition in summer. So then it gets late, we get hungry so we leave and look for a place to eat. Unfortunately it's late and nowhere is open so I tell her it's pointless and we should leave and get food next time. I walk her to the bus stop and ask her if she would prefer to come to mine in a taxi and make something to eat. She declined because she said she had stuff to do on Saturday. I said ok and we kissed and parted. This date lasted about 5hrs. The next day she was texting me much more than before and putting kisses on the end of her messages. We texted and naturally I asked her out on a third date for next week. This was her response: "I feel like we are friends rather than anything more as I don't think the chemistry is quite right x" I text ok and she sent: "I have had a really great time out with you but I feel like we want different things and you are so nice that I would rather have you as a friend as I don't feel ready to get into a relationship x" and "I do hope we can stay friends though. I know it can be weird when people say that though! X" I do not know what happened and where I went wrong but it was unexpected and I am a bit devastated by it. Any ideas?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hmm maybe she wasn't feeling a strong vibe while kissing you? Either way, its over. Move on.
insert_name Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 To be brutally honest, why it happened is kind of irrelevant. It did, she has friendzoned you and every second that you spend examining every detail only hurts yourself further and does nothing to ultimately change the situation. It was only a couple of dates so you should move on in the belief there are other girls like her out there and put your energy and thoughts into finding one.
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 You are probably never going to get an answer as to Why. I didn't see anything that you did wrong. Sadly it's just one of those things. As much as you were into her, she just didn't feel the same. It happens. 1
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hmm maybe she wasn't feeling a strong vibe while kissing you? Either way, its over. Move on. ^^^ It could be this. Or, it could've been a hundred other things about her date with you that she just wasn't feeling any click or connection with. As far as the kissies at the end of her texts, idk...maybe she was really into you but maybe something ELSE happened (that had nothing to do with you) and that's why she wanted to put you in the FZ (friend zone). Don't try to analyze and over-analyze this to death, okay? What's important is, she's DONE with you. She only wants you as a FRIEND. So, it's time for you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and um, move ON to the next girl. As far as what I've read, you've done absolutely NOTHING wrong! So, just realize that so you don't keep on over-analyzing this thing to DEATH. Onward and upward, my friend! . 3
Author Nick_09 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you very much for the quick replies everyone. I really appreciate it! I guess I'll never REALLY know why it happened and get closure. I guess I'm hung up on her because she was different from most other girls I usually meet, on my page (so I thought) and really intelligent. I also didn't know what to make of the "not ready for a relationship" part of her text. Is that to soften the blow? Anyway, I guess I need to start forgetting about her, stop replaying the events in my head and move on. Life goes on I suppose... Right?
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 The simplest explanation is that you acted like her male girlfriend and not her lover. 1) Don't have daily communication with a woman until she's your girlfriend. When you text with her daily between dates or spend an hour with her on the phone, it makes her start to see you as a friend/therapist. Not her lover. After you make plans with a woman, keep communication minimal between dates. 2) Be more confident and secure. Unless you hear otherwise, the date is on. So calling her the night before to verify and chat on the phone was weak behavior. 3) Don't plan dates so far out in advance. It makes you look like you're sitting around waiting for her. If she can't commit to 2-3 days out, then withdraw the offer. "We'll do it some other time when you're more sure of your schedule." If she doesn't counter with a definite day, tell her to get in touch when she figures out her schedule. Then you don't contact her and let her get back to you. 2
sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you very much for the quick replies everyone. I really appreciate it! I guess I'll never REALLY know why it happened and get closure. I guess I'm hung up on her because she was different from most other girls I usually meet, on my page (so I thought) and really intelligent. I also didn't know what to make of the "not ready for a relationship" part of her text. Is that to soften the blow? Anyway, I guess I need to start forgetting about her, stop replaying the events in my head and move on. Life goes on I suppose... Right? Yes, stop replaying the events in your head even though I know thats hard to do. Im doing that as well with Date #3 I had on Sunday. No word from him since and I keep wondering what I did wrong. Made the mistake of reaching out and now probably blew it all up. But nuff about me. Maybe she had someone else she was dating, or an X came back. Not ready for a relationship is a pretty common way out. So that might of been just to smooth it over. But at least she told you! I prefer that over going dark. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 The simplest explanation is that you acted like her male girlfriend and not her lover. 1) Don't have daily communication with a woman until she's your girlfriend. When you text with her daily between dates or spend an hour with her on the phone, it makes her start to see you as a friend/therapist. Not her lover. After you make plans with a woman, keep communication minimal between dates. 2) Be more confident and secure. Unless you hear otherwise, the date is on. So calling her the night before to verify and chat on the phone was weak behavior. 3) Don't plan dates so far out in advance. It makes you look like you're sitting around waiting for her. If she can't commit to 2-3 days out, then withdraw the offer. "We'll do it some other time when you're more sure of your schedule." If she doesn't counter with a definite day, tell her to get in touch when she figures out her schedule. Then you don't contact her and let her get back to you. Agree with most of these points actually.
Author Nick_09 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 The simplest explanation is that you acted like her male girlfriend and not her lover. 1) Don't have daily communication with a woman until she's your girlfriend. When you text with her daily between dates or spend an hour with her on the phone, it makes her start to see you as a friend/therapist. Not her lover. After you make plans with a woman, keep communication minimal between dates. 2) Be more confident and secure. Unless you hear otherwise, the date is on. So calling her the night before to verify and chat on the phone was weak behavior. 3) Don't plan dates so far out in advance. It makes you look like you're sitting around waiting for her. If she can't commit to 2-3 days out, then withdraw the offer. "We'll do it some other time when you're more sure of your schedule." If she doesn't counter with a definite day, tell her to get in touch when she figures out her schedule. Then you don't contact her and let her get back to you. Solid advice. Thanks a lot! The 2nd date I tried to arrange earlier on Wednesday about 3 days out, she said she could maybe squeeze it in so then I suggested the next day which she agreed, then later in the week I asked her about Thursday and she actually said do I want to go along to the event on weds instead (I don't get it..) so I said I couldn't anymore because I had plans (I went on a date with someone else) and we agreed for Friday. The phone call was because of the gut feelings and vibes that we were drifting apart and that I was gonna cancel it and not waste my time on something going nowhere. Not that this matters now lol.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Why in the hell would you let her take the bus home, by herself, so late at night? Put her in a cab and pay for it, or get your car and drive her home. That is a huge turnoff. I wouldn't accept a third date either. In fact, I went on a second date a few weeks ago...it was very late and he was going to take the train back home. I told him don't be silly, he only lives 20 mins away. I would gladly give him a ride back. And I did. AND I am the girl!!! And I didn't even like him!!! 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Solid advice. Thanks a lot! The 2nd date I tried to arrange earlier on Wednesday about 3 days out, she said she could maybe squeeze it in so then I suggested the next day which she agreed, then later in the week I asked her about Thursday and she actually said do I want to go along to the event on weds instead (I don't get it..) so I said I couldn't anymore because I had plans (I went on a date with someone else) and we agreed for Friday. The phone call was because of the gut feelings and vibes that we were drifting apart and that I was gonna cancel it and not waste my time on something going nowhere. Not that this matters now lol. Yeah the "maybe" was the first red flag. However, if she agreed to Thursday originally, why get in touch to double check? The ultimate red flag though was her suggesting a group outing with friends. When a woman is into you, she wants you all to herself. There's a lot of women online that just like attention and never plan to actually meet. They give their number, you follow up, and then they give you a maybe when you ask when they're free. I never bite and scramble to make plans on a maybe though. I just withdraw the offer and tell her to get in touch when she has a better handle on her schedule. 1
insert_name Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Why in the hell would you let her take the bus home, by herself, so late at night? Put her in a cab and pay for it, or get your car and drive her home. That is a huge turnoff. I wouldn't accept a third date either. In fact, I went on a second date a few weeks ago...it was very late and he was going to take the train back home. I told him don't be silly, he only lives 20 mins away. I would gladly give him a ride back. And I did. AND I am the girl!!! And I didn't even like him!!! It must be awful to be so incapable of getting yourself home at night thst you have to rely on a man to do it for you. Now the poor girl has ditched OP she is going to have to kiss goodbye to her social life as its obviously too dangerous for her to be out of the house on her own after dark. Smh...
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 It must be awful to be so incapable of getting yourself home at night thst you have to rely on a man to do it for you. Now the poor girl has ditched OP she is going to have to kiss goodbye to her social life as its obviously too dangerous for her to be out of the house on her own after dark. Smh... It has nothing to do with being incapable. For all I know, she could belong to the Mensa club and have an IQ of 190 and have a black belt in Karate. It has to do with consideration for the other person's safety, showing your concern for their well-being and comfortableness. First impressions. Being a gentleman and showing that he's responsible for making sure his date gets home safe....maybe even extending the date out a little further by driving her. These are all positive points in building a relationship, and that's what you're setting out to do! That's what dating is! He didn't even offer to drive her home thus giving her an option to decline. He just put her on a bus. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 It has nothing to do with being incapable. For all I know, she could belong to the Mensa club and have an IQ of 190 and have a black belt in Karate.. :laugh: The fact that you're so sarcastic and feisty with an intelligent spin only makes you that much hotter Pumpkin. 1
Buddhist Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 She's just had second thoughts. Happens to everyone. Move on, don't be friends as that will just torture you. 2
Satu Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) *I do not know what happened and where I went wrong but it was unexpected and I am a bit devastated by it. Any ideas? *Everybody wants to know why, but nobody does. The reason why we want someone is a mystery. It is completely intangible, because it is not just a conscious mind event. It is a meta-event in the whole of ourselves - mind, body and spirit. Much of it is in the sub-conscious. We either want, or don't want. It is either there or not there. In her case, it was not there. Edited March 11, 2015 by Satu 1
Rosa Tamora Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 At least she had the decency to tell you and be nice about it. Instead of doing the slow fade so many people do these days. Take it as a fun time out getting to know a friend, then get yourself ready to find someone else who will be more into you! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 She's just had second thoughts. Happens to everyone. Move on, don't be friends as that will just torture you. It was behavior that made her change her mind though. After the first date, it ended with a kiss close so she had a higher level of attraction. It was only after he kept texting, chasing after her, gabbing on the phone, etc that it made her seem him as a friend.
Price2Play Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Once you conclude it's over, send her a text asking her what went wrong. Tell her you are not mad, you are trying to improve yourself. Maybe she will tell you. Don't even bother all the answers are here and she probably wouldn't even know how to explain it anyway. Fitness pretty much nailed it on the head, 5&6 hour dates are for gfs not early stages of dating and get off the damn phone with the needy texting. Get other dates from girls off tinder dude! They are doing the same thing, why can't you?! 3 hours max in the early stages, that's plenty of time to get to know someone with out over doing it. Sorry man you just didn't give her any tingles.
Gary S Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 It does not mean you did anything wrong... she had two dates with you and wasn't attracted. You don't have a foundation for a relationship for two months.
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