SawtoothMars Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I've talked to him. Hell I've fought with him lol... We get into an argument about it and he promises to treat me better but it's like he forgets and it never happens. I feel I might only be staying because we have a baby at this point. I'm so in love with this man but I've never had a man treat me like this... All my past boyfriends too me out and took care at least some point in the relationship. For what it's worth... I have had to romance some women more than others. Interestingly the ones I romanced the most I cared for the least. All that stuff is an enormous pain the the butt. That said.... you need to be willing to show him you are serious. Some guys are dense like a brick and they don't get it unless you smack them upside the head. I would be very flat with him and say "You need to put out more effort for me by next week... or I'm going to ditch you and find a guy who cares." I say this because I don't feel like you are asking too much.
kendahke Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 OP-- Go talk to your gyn about your post-delivery hormone adjustment--she may be able to talk to you about diet changes if you're nursing the baby that won't adversely affect him, as drugs may do. As far as your boy is concerned, he has to want to esteem your value highly of his own volition. There is no one in the world who can make him come to that but himself. Yeah, you can withhold sex and see if that manipulation works--or--you can begin acting like a woman with confidence who has command of her situation. Know your worth and act like you know it. It's time to "fake it til you make it". That means stop looking like a hag--wash your face, brush your teeth, put on some clothes, do your hair and make up. Plan daily activities with your baby that get you out of the house and gives you a reason to interact with other people. Plan a day with your girls to get your nails and hair done, then go out for dinner and a movie with them--he can stay home and watch his son. Stop sitting at home, doing for him, being a "wifey" to him when you are getting none of the benefits of being "wifey" in return. 1
veggirl Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 How does he treat the baby? Maybe he didn't want a family yet. He may have resentment over that He sounds like a child. I can't imagine he's a good dad. Poor kid.
katiegrl Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Well then why are you having a child with a man who doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated???? You should have moved on and found a man that did appreciate you. Since he was already like this, sorry hun you can't change him, it's his personality, the way he is as a person. Were you hoping someday he would turn the right way for you? Big mistake on your part. Love will not change him, fix him, make him the man you want him to be. Having his baby won't make it work either. Don't go by the bs he has told you about his past relationships. His perspective of what happened is distored by his "self entitled" manner. He is the reason why these relationships flopped....and it's not going to be his last. Slap of reality: Since you are unhappy with the way he is, and he isn't going to change for you because he is a brat, this relationship is doomed. smackie, if being a selfish, insensitive asshat is just his nature, just his personality, then how do you explain the fact that, with all his previous girlfriends, he was extremely giving, bringing them gifts, planning elaborate dates, vacations, etc? Not to mention, bending over backwards for his family? But with his own girlfriend, nothing???? No he has become very complacent with the OP and it appears he has shut down. And it has nothing to do with him feeling ignored or neglected cause of the baby, the OP said he was like this way before baby arrived on the scene. OP if you and your baby are unable to leave (which is what I would do), my advice would be to stop giving. And STOP nagging him about, don't even mention it. You can talk to him until hell freezes over, the bottom line is .... if he doesn't want to give, no amount begging or pleading is going to motivate him to want to. In fact, it will have the opposite effect, he will want to pull away even more! And stop neglecting yourself. Not for him....but for YOU! You don't need his validation or approval, the way he treats you, he isn't worth it. And given the crappy treatment from him, your beautiful new baby boy should be your only priority. Focus on him and yourself, and just forget about trying to please this sad excuse for a boyfriend. Hopefully in time, you will gather the strength and resources to leave, cause trust me he is not gonna change...at least not in this relationship. He just doesn't care. I am sorry... but you'll be okay...you have a new baby! And congrats!! Edited March 12, 2015 by katiegrl
Auspecial Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I am confused about what you love about this person. Is it possible that your oxytocin and other hormones are a bit mixed up and your body is telling your mind things that aren't fully true? I have a hard time understanding how anyone can have feelings for a person who treats them with such disregard. 4
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 smackie, if being a selfish, insensitive asshat is just his nature, just his personality, then how do you explain the fact that, with all his previous girlfriends, he was extremely giving, bringing them gifts, planning elaborate dates, vacations, etc? Not to mention, bending over backwards for his family? But with his own girlfriend, nothing???? No he has become very complacent with the OP and it appears he has shut down. And it has nothing to do with him feeling ignored or neglected cause of the baby, the OP said he was like this way before baby arrived on the scene. OP if you and your baby are unable to leave (which is what I would do), my advice would be to stop giving. And STOP nagging him about, don't even mention it. You can talk to him until hell freezes over, the bottom line is .... if he doesn't want to give, no amount begging or pleading is going to motivate him to want to. In fact, it will have the opposite effect, he will want to pull away even more! And stop neglecting yourself. Not for him....but for YOU! You don't need his validation or approval, the way he treats you, he isn't worth it. And given the crappy treatment from him, your beautiful new baby boy should be your only priority. Focus on him and yourself, and just forget about trying to please this sad excuse for a boyfriend. Hopefully in time, you will gather the strength and resources to leave, cause trust me he is not gonna change...at least not in this relationship. He just doesn't care. I am sorry... but you'll be okay...you have a new baby! And congrats!! She just needs to move on. 1
Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 What kind of results did he get when he did these things for his exes? That will explain things. Doesnt matter. Shes not his exes and he would be very stupid to assume all women will react or treat him the same. This is not a justification. Did he even try with the mother of his child? No he didnt, so "bad reactions" is not an excuse.
Woggle Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Doesnt matter. Shes not his exes and he would be very stupid to assume all women will react or treat him the same. This is not a justification. Did he even try with the mother of his child? No he didnt, so "bad reactions" is not an excuse. I agree with you 100% but a lot of people male and female are left so jaded by past experiences that they are incapable of having a healthy relationship.
Recommended Posts