still on my mind

[totenkopf]

Hi all broke up with gf of 9 months back in october it is five months to the date today since she walked out of my life. In general I am feeling much better but she is still always on my mind.

Things ended in a rather nasty way and I was left with so many questions and feel that she played with my emotions and feelings. If you have not read my story I will break it down. She said she had wanted to be together for years as did I and that she had always liked me after we got together at the start of 2014.

She had a five yr old son who I was heavily involved with from the start and she would allow him to call me dad and not correct him the child also called her dad his grandad "dad". She would regularly leave him with me if she was at work and would always be doing things all together.

We planned on marriage and getting a flat and even kids, a week before she left she viewed a flat we even wrote a list of stuff to furnish it that final week and she allowed me to wrap all his presents and sign a card from the pair of us.

On a saturday evening she just walked out and left me she had deleted images and had even taken my phone!

two months later she is with a bouncer at her work and they are even engaged. She has said that she never loved me and that I only looked after her son a few times big deal and that she kept him away from me at the end as she knew what she was going to do which is not true as I saw him as much as always it was only the final day he stayed at home with his brother which was not a first anyway.

This woman told me everyday how much she loved me and could not live without me and even said she dreamed what date she wanted to get married to me. Like I say it is getting better I guess I just feel bad because although the relationship was not long I had always dreamed of being together and although we did argue we had some great times together and thought she was the one.

[sabd]

You may have had some great times together but in the end she showed you who she really was - an extremely immature, unstable and vindictive person.

 

Not the one.

 

Not worth thinking about.

[totenkopf]

You may have had some great times together but in the end she showed you who she really was - an extremely immature, unstable and vindictive person.

 

Not the one.

 

Not worth thinking about.[/QU

 

Thanks for the reply.

I must admit when I think of good times now as opposed to when we first broke up that I have come to realise that they could not have been so good or have meant the same to her.

 

It makes me think that she has serious issues to talk about marrying one person then is engaged to someone else so soon. I have not even been with anyone else since the split yet she has gone as far as to get engaged.

 

I doubt that she really could have meant any of what she told me just dont see why you would lie like that.

[ZiggyZoo]

You're absolutely right, she's got some serious issues. She obviously has attachment issues, if she's able to just end it with you and get engaged to someone else just like that. But this is something that you couldn't have helped with, no matter how hard you tried. Remember that, and try to not blame yourself for it. This is something that she's going to have to fix, and it doesn't look like she will any time soon. She's like my ex, jumping from one relationship to the other so they don't have to deal with those nasty bad feelings. As much as it hurts to work through it, aren't you glad that you are putting the work in? At least you can move forward without baggage from this relationship causing you to make unhealthy choices in your future ones.

 

I've always found too that letting go of the relationship's potential future was the hardest. You can go over the relationship that you had and look at where you could have done something differently, and come to terms with t all. But you can't with something that never was, you just have to let time do it's thing.

[totenkopf]

You're absolutely right, she's got some serious issues. She obviously has attachment issues, if she's able to just end it with you and get engaged to someone else just like that. But this is something that you couldn't have helped with, no matter how hard you tried. Remember that, and try to not blame yourself for it. This is something that she's going to have to fix, and it doesn't look like she will any time soon. She's like my ex, jumping from one relationship to the other so they don't have to deal with those nasty bad feelings. As much as it hurts to work through it, aren't you glad that you are putting the work in? At least you can move forward without baggage from this relationship causing you to make unhealthy choices in your future ones.

 

I've always found too that letting go of the relationship's potential future was the hardest. You can go over the relationship that you had and look at where you could have done something differently, and come to terms with t all. But you can't with something that never was, you just have to let time do it's thing.

 

ZiggyZoo

I have really found that this forum and kind people like yourself have really helped me so much thank you.

Like I say I feel that over the past five months the pain has certainly lessened especially the past few weeks. I really think before I was in some kind of denial but I am now thinking that after everything I did for this woman and her son for her to treat me like she has just shows me her true colours. I took her to work and picked her up everyday I took her son to school everyday with her and even met his teacher who said he would not stop talking about me and said to me and my then gf " dont you two go breaking up".

We went on several holidays the three of us and she even called us a family so many memories of the times we all shared the way she let me help her with invitations and arranging his party and even wrap every damn present and sign a joint card only to leave me a week before and I never even got to be there for his birthday seems so spiteful.

Clearly now I see that she does not care about her son by her actions and the way she is carrying on now for example she went away to Ireland with her new guy and friends for a long weekend and even went out partying the night they came back, she clearly is not bothered about her son and puts men before him.

The hardest times at the moment are just the mornings waking up alone and having such an empty feeling inside. Most of my friends all live distances away and the week is quite a boring time for me which does not help either. I try to get out at weekends as much as possible and planning to go on holiday with friends in May so hopefully will meet someone soon as I feel I am ready.

[ZiggyZoo]

You are certainly welcome, I'm glad I could help. One of the biggest things that got me over my first bad breakup was the advice and support of those who had been there too, so I am just trying to do the same here.

 

I'm glad that you're feeling better. Denial is a strong thing, and it is hard to break free of it and really see the person you love for what they are. Especially when they turn out to be a total waste of skin, like your ex. It makes one feel used and stupid, to have been fooled for so long. I look back on this past relationship of mine and kick myself sometimes for ignoring all these red flags he was flying. I mean, he flat out told me when we were still friends that he wasn't looking for anything serious, that he wasn't sure if he would ever want that again. I heard that, but when we got involved with each other romantically, I convinced myself that he meant them for everyone except me. Why else would he be pursuing me, after all? HE knew that I WAS interested in something serious. He was under the assumption that I was OK with keeping it casual, since I was going along with it all. While I thought he was making me the exception to the rule, and I had changed his mind. I was in complete denial about the entire nature of our relationship. If I had been honest with myself I could have prevented some of the pain that came from my planning the future we never had. He's still an asswipe for his actions during and after the breakup, but I was at fault too.

 

Your ex's behavior towards her son is deplorable. I can't imagine how confused he must be, and he doesn't even have his mom as a constant in his life. That right there points to a huge lack of compassion and empathy, and if she can't even consider the needs of her son first, she's not going to do it for anybody else. She's not capable of it. It breaks my heart to hear it, as a mom and as a human being. I hope that you at least can look at it and see that you are in no way to blame for the demise of the relationship, since she can't make a true connection to anybody at all.

 

I'm glad that you have your holiday coming up. Nice to have something to look forward to. I always found that helped to focus on the future and not get bogged down in the present.

[totenkopf]

You are certainly welcome, I'm glad I could help. One of the biggest things that got me over my first bad breakup was the advice and support of those who had been there too, so I am just trying to do the same here.

 

I'm glad that you're feeling better. Denial is a strong thing, and it is hard to break free of it and really see the person you love for what they are. Especially when they turn out to be a total waste of skin, like your ex. It makes one feel used and stupid, to have been fooled for so long. I look back on this past relationship of mine and kick myself sometimes for ignoring all these red flags he was flying. I mean, he flat out told me when we were still friends that he wasn't looking for anything serious, that he wasn't sure if he would ever want that again. I heard that, but when we got involved with each other romantically, I convinced myself that he meant them for everyone except me. Why else would he be pursuing me, after all? HE knew that I WAS interested in something serious. He was under the assumption that I was OK with keeping it casual, since I was going along with it all. While I thought he was making me the exception to the rule, and I had changed his mind. I was in complete denial about the entire nature of our relationship. If I had been honest with myself I could have prevented some of the pain that came from my planning the future we never had. He's still an asswipe for his actions during and after the breakup, but I was at fault too.

 

Your ex's behavior towards her son is deplorable. I can't imagine how confused he must be, and he doesn't even have his mom as a constant in his life. That right there points to a huge lack of compassion and empathy, and if she can't even consider the needs of her son first, she's not going to do it for anybody else. She's not capable of it. It breaks my heart to hear it, as a mom and as a human being. I hope that you at least can look at it and see that you are in no way to blame for the demise of the relationship, since she can't make a true connection to anybody at all.

 

I'm glad that you have your holiday coming up. Nice to have something to look forward to. I always found that helped to focus on the future and not get bogged down in the present.

 

ZiggyZoo

I have really come to realise that she is a worthless piece of trash I think at the time I was so blinded by the sweet nothings and she made me feel so happy because I was being told how much I meant to someone. But it was all a lie there is just no way to explain it other than this. Also the fact that she has gone for someone like who she has really reinforces the fact that she goes for anyone. I thought we had a real bond and so much in common but she would rather have someone who she has nothing in common with other than going out to nightclubs etc. She lived this lifestyle most of her life and clearly she has gone back to it.

 

The way she has twisted everything about the relationship has done it too. I was signed off of work due to injury and she encouraged me not to return after I expressed concerns about income to which she said that we were a team and that I should not return now her new boyfriend is calling me a bum and saying about me being signed off of work. How two faced this is. She has also told him she kept her son away at the end which is strange as he stayed at my house twice that final week and was even laying in my bed with her! I certainly would not call that keeping him away but it is good to see that she is lying to her husband to be also.

[Satu]

*I doubt that she really could have meant any of what she told me just dont see why you would lie like that.

 

*People behave the way they do because of who they are.

 

Its good that you found out who she is.

 

Every time you find yourself wondering why she did something, the answer will always be, "Because of who she is."

 

Maintain No Contact and take very good care of yourself.

[totenkopf]

*People behave the way they do because of who they are.

 

Its good that you found out who she is.

 

Every time you find yourself wondering why she did something, the answer will always be, "Because of who she is."

 

Maintain No Contact and take very good care of yourself.

 

Thanks Satu.

Yeah I certainly will, she has made no attempt to contact me at all other than her new boyfriend sending me a picture of her engagement ring. This has only reinforced to me further what a weird woman she is and she could go from wanting to marry one person and even buying a wedding dress to getting engaged to someone else after less than two months of being together. She can say all she wants about me she knows the truth I can not understand how she can even think about saying I have mental health issues when she left her child alone with me clearly her boyfriend is either to stupid to question this or just does not care.