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Posted

I’m looking to pick womens brains on what moving very quickly in a relationship can actually mean.

 

I find myself 2 months into a relationship with a woman I have known for 4 years. From the first night we were together it has moved along so fast mainly on the sexual front but also in other areas. I’m not complaining, the fact it is moving so fast I love but I’m worried it might be “here for a good time, not a long time” type thing. She is saying she’s here for the long term. I’ve had designs on this woman for a long time and now that we are together I’m just wondering if all is well.

 

My mates tell me to shut up and enjoy the ride but if I need to I’d rather slow things down and enjoy the ride for a lifetime rather than a few years (or even less).

 

I’m not sure how graphic I can be but to put it in a bit of perspective we advanced from regular sex to anal sex on our second night. I had her blindfolded and tied up in the third week and it’s progressed from there. I’ve found women generally keep that for much later in the relationship. Of course if you all tell me that I have nothing to worry about then I’m one lucky man.

 

It all came to a head a few nights ago when we were showering together and I asked her to move because I needed to get out to go to the toilet. She asked me to stay and urinate on her. Now I must admit I am curious about that and would like to give it a try but it’s been 2 months. If she’s just comfortable with me and willing to share what she likes without restriction then lucky me but if she’s just having her fun before moving on then I will make sure I don’t get emotionally invested.

 

My concern isn’t about the speed things are moving if I’m just over thinking things but if it’s a sign that I’m just a current “toy” then I’d like to try to reverse that and make the relationship into something more solid.

 

I guess I’m seeking opinions on what moving so fast can mean. And I guess stemming from that whether me saying no and deliberately slowing it down will have any positive or negative effect. Just to be clear I don’t in any way feel pressured into this, I am happy for it to move along quick just so long as there is no other issues at play.

 

I hope this jumble makes sense.

 

If it makes any difference she is 23 and I am 30. I have been previously married for 5 years, divorced for 2. She was previously in a relationship for 2 years with a woman which ended 2 years ago. We've both been single for the last 2 years.

Posted

Hard to know what to say really because it depends what you are into. It sounds like she's used to experimenting and enjoys it. She's also bi. What are you actually looking for?

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Posted
Hard to know what to say really because it depends what you are into. It sounds like she's used to experimenting and enjoys it. She's also bi. What are you actually looking for?

 

I'm looking for a long term relationship, I have no issue at all moving quickly and I have no issue with the experimentation. I was just concerned that the speed at which we have progressed could have been a red flag for her only wanting a casual fling or that she would get bored and move on quickly.

 

I have never met a woman who was willing to do these things so early in the relationship and I thought it may have been something someone here could relate to and offer an insight.

Posted

23, is looking for a long term RL, things moving "fast" with you, she's into women and wants you to pee on her.

 

How many red flags did I raise so far here?

 

23 yr olds will not be the same person at 25, 28, and/or 30. I can guarantee you this will not last.

 

Also, for being so young and fill of so much drama/issues? Oh gosh

Posted

Er... I'm sorry... maybe I'm just too open minded, but having more than just vanilla sex, for me, has nothing to do with moving fast...

 

If she's into kinky stuff... why would she wait months to have it with you? It stands to reason that she'd escalate things straight away.

 

I thought you were gonna tell us you'd moved in and she was pregnant or something...

 

She's sexually liberated. That, in and of itself, means nothing, in terms of long term relationships. It has no bearing on them.

 

And I'm not quite sure what you mean by "slowing down"... do you mean go back to only having missionary sex? She might get bored and then she will leave, because she's not satisfied.

Posted (edited)

I understand what you mean. Sometimes a woman tries too hard sexually and gives a guy all his Christmas presents way too early! It can be a way to hook a guy and to escalate the relationship. It rarely works as it might spell a desperate woman using sex as a lure.

 

Another scenario is that the woman is really into kinky sex with anyone, and is that way with any guy (or woman in her case). If you want a relationship, then, it's understandable that you might want the sex treats parceled out and given a bit at a time as the relationship progresses.

 

I tend to save the kinkier stuff for a guy I love. I need respect and love to be truly nasty! It balances out.

 

So talk with her about how she feels about you, and what she's looking for currently. Does she want a relationship? Some sexual fun for a while?

 

Oh, and I've discovered that missionary sex with someone I'm wildly attracted to and love is truly exciting and fulfilling! All the sexual tricks in the book can't make up for a lack somewhere else. This is coming from a woman who knows the Kama Sutra quite well.

Edited by blueskyday
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