Pandora08 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hi there! My ex dumped me almost 5 weeks ago. I havent spoken to him since we broke up (no pleading calls, texts e.t.c) and he hasn’t spoken to me. During this time Ive got a first on a dissertation, got job offers and got accepted onto a new grad scheme (all of which he has probably seen on Facebook as I put them up!) and started no contact as a way to see if I can get over him, and see whether after 3 years I want to try and win him back. I've come a long way I think! Only problem is, he is extremely stubborn. He broke things out of the blue because he thought we we’re too young to seriously commit to each other and that 3 years was getting too serious for him and he didnt want to be with the same person he was with now who he was going to marry (we’re only 21/22 so this seemed crazy! – i think it was a bit of a “the grass might be greener on the other side’ syndrome). We we’re great and he was really upset about it…but said he wasnt going to change his mind, that he thought it was better in the long run, and that he wanted to be single for a bit, but because we were best friends before and during, wanted that friendship back. I’ve read all the suggestions, the no contact e.t.c, but will this really work on a stubborn ex boyf who seems so set in his decision? Im scared to contact and then be knocked down – I’ve made so much progress on myself after my confidence took such a hit from this and (although it sounds mean) I want him to realise what he’s lost in me! I have a feeling if I contact he'll be like ahhh shes still into me (unfortunately his ego is huge haha). its been 35 days since not contacting him -Im friends with his sister who I speak to daily as we are very close, and she said he misses me and when I dropped a jumper off last week he was happy because it still smelled like my perfume! surely thats a good sign? I dont know whether to wait longer to contact or to just bite the bullet and say hey and be all cheerful and everything?
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) I’ve read all the suggestions, the no contact e.t.c, but will this really work on a stubborn ex boyf who seems so set in his decision? "Work"? It doesn't seem as though you've read the NC guides properly. NC is not a trick or secret method to get someone back or manipulate them into doing what you want them to do. It is a tool for YOU to heal and move on. Yes it sometimes happens that as a side effect of you moving on and healing, that the ex sees your strength and may change his mind, but that is not the primary goal here. Do not do NC to "get him back". Do it for YOU. she said he misses me and when I dropped a jumper off last week he was happy because it still smelled like my perfume! surely thats a good sign? No it is a terrible sign. It means you are not over him at all. You're still obsessing about every little sign and looking for reasons to think that he might be thinking about you. You should tell his sister that you don't want to hear about him any more. By allowing her to tell you these things, you're breaking NC. You are missing the whole point of NC! Edited March 11, 2015 by PegNosePete
sabd Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I'm with PegNosePete ... NC is not a strategy for getting your ex back. Get that out of your head. NC is for you to heal, which you obviously haven't done yet as you're still latching onto breadcrumbs via his sister. If he wants to reconcile with you, he'll make the effort. More about NC here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/journals/betterdeal/e150-guide-life-after-going-nc/
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