SadAndAngryInMO Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I had a long distance relationship with my son's father for almost a year. The worst part of it is, he was also married. Yes, I know, I suck. I didn't mean for it to happen, but over time of us talking and being friends, I fell in love. And one night after a few drinks, I confessed that to him, and he said he felt the same way, had felt that way for quite some time and he regretted leaving me before. Day after day, I woke up to emails from him telling me he loved me, and all day long we would talk and he would say how happy I made him, etc. He never gave me the sob story about how unhappy he was at home, etc, but I knew there were problems. He came in town Christmas 2013, I went to see him the following March. In July, I took my son out there to stay with his dad for 6 weeks. And that's when it all fell apart. After about 3 or 4 weeks of my son being out there, his dad ended our relationship. It came completely out of the blue. I've got several different stories for the reasons WHY, but he told me he would always love me, he just couldn't continue with our relationship. Logically, I knew this was for the best, but I had put SO much of myself into that relationship, and even if he never came right out and said he would leave his wife, he gave me every indication that he wished things had been different with us. I didn't date a lot when I was younger, I had mostly FWB relationships. He was my first true love, and he KNEW this. His wife found out after the fact, and from that point forward he has told me that he NEVER truly loved me, he just told me that for whatever reason. How does a person go from saying they would always love you to saying they never meant a word of it? And he acts like saying "oops, sorry I lied" is supposed to make it all better. I am still sad a lot. I am still angry a lot. and then he tells me to "get over it" because he and his wife want to move on. And I can't break off contact since we have a child. So for months now it's been this ugly vicious cycle of me lashing out at him just to engage contact in SOME way, and then he retaliates with the most hateful cruel things (I'm ugly, I'm crazy, I'm uneducated trailer trash, I'm a gold digging tramp). His wife mistreated my son while he was out there, and my ex denies it, defends her and then rubs in my face "you are just jealous that she has what you will never have". it's heartbreaking to read the things he says to me. and it's partly my fault for starting it. So here I am, 7 months later, I can't sleep, I am crying in bed, I am pissed, I started a fight with him on Monday telling him how bad he hurt me and his bitch wife posts on FB "some people just need to learn to let it go". He just keeps saying "sorry I lied". Okay, well maybe he did, but he doesn't seem to understand that I wasn't lying, and I was very deeply, stupidly in love with him. I've tried working out, dieting, dating, going out with friends. I have many good days, but the bad days still come and I am made to feel like I have no right to feel this way.
sandylee1 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 My major concern would be your son getting mistreated. Get to the bottom of that and try and be sure it's actually mistreatment or day to day discipline. That should be your priority. Whether your ex lied in the past or now, he lied. He isn't the only guy out there and you will drive yourself crazy if you don't let go. That won't create a good environment for your son. If you just keep telling yourself the following : I deserve a man that is only committed to me A man that loves and respects me A man who I don't have to sneak around with A man who won't toy with my feelings Most of all a man who loves me Love yourself too. Keep contact limited to child related matters and stop acting childish by picking fights. There is no way he's gonna want that kind of drama. He'll just be telling his wife your crazy and your actions will back up what he says. It's a big world out there and he is not the only man worth having.
Stercrazy Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I'm sorry you're in this position. Him cheating on his wife says a lot about his character as does the things he says to you. He's not worth it. You deserved to be loved. You deserve better. Keep the conversations only focused on your child. If the wife says anything nasty to you blow her off. Same for your ex. Show your child what a strong adult looks like. Show him how people are supposed to respect each other. If he cheated on his wife once he'll most likely do it again. Learn from this to be a better person for yourself and your child. You are human. You're allowed to make mistakes. What determines who you are is what you do after the mistakes. You're better then that. Be better then that.
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