McDonald Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hey guys, I was a big time poster over in the breakup section a few years ago. That side of me has long gone though, for the better of course. Though I haven't dated anyone new, I have met other girls who I have been attracted to, or so I thought. Here is where my problem lies.... Lets say I get a girls number from a party, we had a fun conversation and all. I text her within the next few days and we begin to talk. Now I love to talk... and evidently love to text. Im really good at replying etc. recentley however I realized that I may like texting more than actually meeting the person up. As in, I will avoid meeting a girl up, but will still text them. Ive told my close girl friends this and they said that I just want to the attention that comes to talking to a girl all the time. I feel like that is partially true. I feel great talking to a girl, but when the conversation finally dies down.. as in three weeks later and the girl realized that no moves are being made, I feel bad about myself. like "why isnt she replying" type feelings. Though I know it is probably because I was leading her on with texts... though I am not saying anything promiscuous. Just simple, flirty convo. I think this also has to do with externally validating myself. As in, if I am talking to a girl I feel great, when I am not I feel terrible. If i am talking to a girl and another one comes along i would be perfectly fine moving on to talk to her. The last three girls i have talked to since this past summer all hve stopped talking to me because I "took to long to make a move" but in reality IDK if I wanted to make a move, I just wanted someone to talk to. Any advice or any insite on what might be going on? this might not make any sense... but it is what is going on in my head. though its been two years since my breakup, I feel like my ego is somewhat still hurt as well. TLDR I enjoy texting girls, but I dont try to meet up with them. IDK what is wrong but it may be about just wanting attention.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Texting gives you the ego feed, the comforts etc but you are not emotionally investing, connecting at all. IF you want to date women, you need to spend time with them, get to know them face to face and not hide behind words on your cell.
Author McDonald Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Thanks for the reply whichwayisup. I appreciate it. I'm still and college and young so I have a lot to learn, but what you said makes complete sense. However, some I dont even wanna date, or be FWB.. like im fine just texting them. Like you said, it's probably just to keep my ego up. I wish I didn't need so much external validation. It is funny too cause I consider myself an introvert, especially around those I do not know.
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 If you don't want to date them, why don't you tell them from the start you only want to be friends. At least they won't be misled then. Being flirty isn't fair on them and it's no wonder they drop out. Some won't want to just be friends but you may find someone who is happy just to text you like you are. How would you feel if someone did? 1
Author McDonald Posted March 14, 2015 Author Posted March 14, 2015 used me just to talk while I was catching feelings? I guess i would be a pretty upset too... I never looked at it from that way. Ever since my breakup I kinda just been very one sided at looking at these things. Like not wanting to get hurt again, So I lose sympathy for others maybe. I'm not sure if i wanted to be friends right away, thats the thing. Then later I get weird and don't want to date them. Maybe I shouldnt a big texter. As in, give them some space.
spiderowl Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 used me just to talk while I was catching feelings? I guess i would be a pretty upset too... I never looked at it from that way. Ever since my breakup I kinda just been very one sided at looking at these things. Like not wanting to get hurt again, So I lose sympathy for others maybe. I'm not sure if i wanted to be friends right away, thats the thing. Then later I get weird and don't want to date them. Maybe I shouldnt a big texter. As in, give them some space. Just need to be honest from the start so they don't get the wrong idea. Sometimes you can start off intending to be friends and then 'catch' feelings anyway.
Author McDonald Posted March 15, 2015 Author Posted March 15, 2015 yea that makes sense. Its a little confusing b/c IDK really know what I want from the beginning. But I apprciate the advice
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