snilljente Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 I'm 36, he's 37...friends since Sept.....dating starting in January...just casually in that we saw each other on the week days only...no weekends.....but we were intimate.....he got "scared" and pulled back and said he wanted to play it by ear.....I got drunk, kissed a friend of his...he got very jealous, even though we weren't together....now says he just wants to work on being friends......Am I being strung along or wouldn't this guy know WHAT he wanted by now...he says he gave all he was "ready for" back in Jan, Feb and March....he was ready to sleep with me.....so him not being ready to hang out on the weekends (i.e. "date" for real) seems like bull....he calls from 0 to 3 x/day now that we are "friends" and we see each other at the gym...he says he just wants to try and forget about what happened between me and his friend and for us to be friends and see what happens....do I give him more time or just figure he is trying to pull a fast one on me....?!
curiousnycgirl Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 I would give him time AND keep dating others. Not his friends, but other guys. If the two of you are available/ready at the same time - then great. If not, NOT.
Author snilljente Posted April 9, 2005 Author Posted April 9, 2005 I wasn't dating his friend and the kissing thing was the result of his friend meeting me out and telling me that this guy didn't care, bla bla bla...I bought it hook, line and sinker and got very drunk because I was so upset...not a great excuse, but I had a designated driver that night and just felt like letting loose, which backfired and this friend of his took advantage of me (I told him that I could have been kissing a German Shepard and not have known, that's how drunk I was, STUPID!!!) and that I don't care about his friend and see how stupid the whole thing is..... Anyways, I agree that I will just date other people if the opportunities/interesting people present themselves and when/if it's right...then maybe we will have our chance...it's just hard, because people tell me that if he cared, he's know by now...etc....and he says just that he can't afford to have people in his life that he can't trust and he just needs time to put this behind him......he has quite a history of flakiness.....which he attributes to him being "cautious" and not ready to let someone into his life completely. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am scared that he is taking advantage of the fact that (despite the dumb drunken kiss episode) a decent and honest person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.......How much time do I give....weeks, months?
SoleMate Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 This sounds so high school. Both of you. If you want a real r/s, that includes dating, weekends together, exclusivity, and sex, then it may be too late with this guy. Next time, next guy, start it differently. Don't jump into bed until you see ACTIONS and WORDS that indicate that you both want the same thing - or at least things sufficiently similar you can simultaneously provide them to the other. If you want this fellow to stay interested, I would put a smidge of distance between the two of you. He's not so much trying to pull a fast one, as he is a confused and immature person who recently had sex with another confused and immature person. Does either of you know what you are really looking for?
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 This is the same guy who disappears on weekends, makes dates and never shows up, and doesn't want to be 'boyfriend-girlfriend'? Thought you were ditching this one.
Author snilljente Posted April 10, 2005 Author Posted April 10, 2005 "This sounds so high school. Both of you. If you want a real r/s, that includes dating, weekends together, exclusivity, and sex, then it may be too late with this guy. Next time, next guy, start it differently. Don't jump into bed until you see ACTIONS and WORDS that indicate that you both want the same thing" He said he did...but you are RIGHT....his ACTIONS have to consistently match his words.....words are too easy to say....I gave him way to much credit too fast without having him prove himself. "- or at least things sufficiently similar you can simultaneously provide them to the other. " "If you want this fellow to stay interested, I would put a smidge of distance between the two of you". I am trying....I am very slow to return his calls (i.e. I wait until the next day to call back...when before I didin't and I am trying to not initiate so many phone calls...but he still calls up to 3x day even when I don't call...then there are days, he calls 0-1x...so he is very up and down.... "He's not so much trying to pull a fast one, as he is a confused and immature person" I agree....he's got to figure out what he wants...in his own life.....I can't do it for him...... " who recently had sex with another confused and immature person". I don't think this if fair...I am far from confused or immature,.....and we didn't just have sex....we hung out many times and did not get physical.....I know exactly what I want and I guess I just keep hoping that he will figure himself out...bad move...but I am not putting all of my eggs in one basket...I am still open and interested in dating others if/when the opportunities come about... Does either of you know what you are really looking for? I ABSOLUTELY 100% do.....and it's not what he has given me in the past.....hence my attempts to just be his friend and not get anymore romantically involved until/if he figures things out.....
Author snilljente Posted April 10, 2005 Author Posted April 10, 2005 Yes, Moimeme...he says he is just scared and not ready to jump into things..so I am trying to give him space....likely a dumb move..but there is something about him....and when we hang out it's like being with my best friend...if he would just start breaking down the Great Wall of china that he has around his heart......
Author snilljente Posted April 11, 2005 Author Posted April 11, 2005 UPDATE: So a week or so ago he said he just wanted to be friends and forget about his friend kissing me, etc.....so, I call him Saturday....it was beautiful out and asked him if he wanted to get together Sun as friends and do something (i.e. beach) since it is so nice outside...he said, sure, he was thinking about taking his boat to the lake and that he will call me later and let me know if he gets the transmission on his truck in order so that we can take the boat Sun....I asked him if later meant later Sat and he said yes....no call Sat...he calls Sun am....and asks if I want to meet him and a buddy at the lake....I said I can come around noon...he gives me the directions ane we plan to meet up....while I am in the shower he leaves a message that he and his buddy got to the lake and that it is cool and windy and that they are not going to stay and that he will call me when they get out of there, this is at 10:30 am.......NO CALL....all day...all evening....At 8:00pm I call and say (got his voice mail) that I hope that he is ok as I never heard back from him and that I am assuming that he doesn't blow his other "friends"off like he did me and that I therefore, don't understand why he would do it to me.......Previously when he said he wanted to be friends..I said it sounds like you possibly just want to let me down easy, but don't have the guts to say it...he said, no, not the case, he has plenty of guts and would say it if it was the case....I don't get this guy, but I am done....apparently, being just "friends" with this guy involves being blown off...which I KNOW isn't how he treats his good friends.......What is his problem.... If he continues to call me...what do you guys think about me telling him "If in the future you are interested in pursuing a sincere dating relationship with me, call, and if I am still single and interested, we can talk, but please do not continue to call me right now. You are clearly not ready for an adult relationship"????
Author snilljente Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Well, the truth has come out.....E's "girlfriend" called me tonight to tell me that she and E have been together for TWO YEARS and that they broke up on Feb 5 and were broken up for about a month/month 1/2, but that they were sleeping together the whole time they were split up......Ugh!! His "cautiousness" about relationship was all a front for him being with someone else the whole time. I need a long break from men..I am tired of being deceived and taken advantage of.
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