Jonp219 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Today was one of the toughest days I ever had to endure in therapy. Today we were discussing the way I respond to people, in this instance, we used my ex as an example. My father is a very sensitive topic for me, more so because I had/have this underlying hatred towards him for everything he put my mother through. We were discussing this one time when I told my ex about my father going to my brothers girlfriends grandmothers funeral. My father went to the funeral to pay his respects, and to comfort my brothers girlfriend in her time of need. He had an in depth conversation with my brothers girlfriend regarding the fallout he had with me and my mother (let's just call her Ana from here on out). He expressed his regret of being a terrible husband and father, and how lonely he's been feeling since my mother left him. Ana told my brother what my father said, he then told my mother, and my mother told me. When I heard about it I felt deep regret due to the fact that I wished everything could of turned out differently, I wish it didn't have to be like this. I wish my father wasn't the way he was. I told my girlfriend (at the time) about what I heard. I told her my feelings towards what he said, and the helplessness I was feeling. Although my father was terrible to us, I still feel responsible for my parents separation (something I have been slowly overcoming). My girlfriend gave me a seemingly--or I felt-- un-genuine response to what I felt. She told me, "Ok, maybe you should just call him up". What did I do after that? I got angry at her. "After everything I just said that's what you say, call him up? That's the best response you can give me? You know I can't do that, you know I can't talk to him after everything that he's done". I seem to have these tendencies of expecting certain responses from people, and responding before knowing what the persons intentions are. The psychologist talked about wishes and how people tend to give others advice that they wish to use themselves. My ex was just trying to get me to do something, I assume she couldn't do with her own mother. Her mother is very cold and distant, and at times it seems like she doesn't care. My ex doesn't like talking to her mother for those reasons, she would rather talk to my mother than her own mother. After not believing that her simple common sense response wasn't genuine I realized that it really was. I realized she just wanted me to do something she couldn't do, have a discussion with a distant love one. After opening my eyes to these facts, for the first time ever I broke down into tears in front of my psychologist and the rest of the group. I couldn't believe how much of an ******* I was to someone who truly loved me. All because I didn't take the time to really analyze what she was saying to me, instead, I responded with my impulsive behavior and made her feel like the enemy. This form of therapy has been difficult for me, but it has been extremely helpful. I'm learning a lot about how I respond to others, and what I need to do to maintain composure. I immediately started beating myself up for everything that I've done, but of course, that's not going to do me any good. I feel bad, but I need to continue going back. I know all of this will pay off in the long run. However, even though she's not in front of me, even though she isn't going to contact me (anytime soon). To avoid breaking NC I just want to tell her that... I'm sorry I let you down... Therapy has helped me cope with the break up in a healthy way. I just wanted to share this with everyone. I've been feeling bad about it, just wanted to get it off my chest. I like what I'm learning about myself but I feel like **** at the same time. Edited March 11, 2015 by Jonp219 2
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