trt148 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Hello I am 20 years old and recently I started dating again. I decided I want to take things slowly this time before jumping into a serious relationship because I want to find someone who really matches me and has good chemistry with me. So what happened was me and this cute guy on tinder really hit it off. We shared a similar sense of humor and values, he was fun to talk to, and we talked nonstop for almost a week. Being stupid me I ended up agreeing to be his gf before I even met him in person. It's spring break and my college is on the way from his college to our hometown, so he met me on fri and dropped me off at my house. He was much less attractive than in his photos, but I didn't want to be shallow so I just ignored the fact that he's not that great looking. For the last couple days we hung out a lot and he seems to really like me (always touches my face and kisses me and stuff). But for some reason it didn't feel that fun being with him. Like I don't feel exited about seeing him like I did with my last two bfs. I don't want to keep leading him on but the situation is kind of awkward since he's my only ride back to college after break; we're going to go back on Thursday. He will be in New York until then and thankfully one of his friends who is a girl is coming with us on the way back. I think after break I'm going to wrap things up as soon as possible. My question is, since I've never done this before, how do I go about telling him I'm no longer interested? I absolutely hate hurting people's feelings. Is it okay to just send a text because I feel like breaking this off over a phone call would be awkward as hell. What should I say? I didn't feel the chemistry necessary to move forward? inb4 thank you for the help
DoesntGetIt Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Well the polite scale goes: In person Over the phone . . . . through text Just be honest while be caring. Say that you enjoyed the time you spent together and think he is a great guy, but the connection isn't there and you don't think you two are right for each other. Yes, it will sting him a bit, but if he is at all a decent guy he will thank you for your honesty; might even still drive you back to school as well if you do it before break is over.
stillafool Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Tell him in person. You might as well start facing your problems head on now. It will help you to confront people in the future. 1
Gary S Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Oh, so you are going to use him as a taxi, how noble of you. Well, it's as much his fault too if he gets used I guess, he fell for it.
Author trt148 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you for the comments. I felt kind of bad for having him drive me back so I told him that once he gets to my place I'll just drive from there. But if you think that's just as bad then I can tell him my true feelings before break is over and just try to get a train back. In fact I would gladly do that, the only problem is that for my own reasons I was trying to keep this whole thing a secret from my parents. But I guess I would rather just tell them than use someone. 1
Dybbuk Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 But I guess I would rather just tell them than use someone. There you go! You've learned a valuable lesson. You don't know how you feel about a person until you spend quality time with them in person. No phone calls, no texting, no emails will give you that kind of information. Chemistry and attraction happens in person. Never ever agree to be someone's girlfriend before meeting them and spending quality time (several dates... not just 2) with them. In regards on how to break up. Do it now. The sting will only hurt him more if he realizes you USED him as a taxi, and then broke it off. Find another way home and remember the lesson learned from this. Hopefully it's a lesson for him too not to ask anyone to be his girlfriend before he meets her too...
Author trt148 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 There you go! You've learned a valuable lesson. You don't know how you feel about a person until you spend quality time with them in person. No phone calls, no texting, no emails will give you that kind of information. Chemistry and attraction happens in person. Never ever agree to be someone's girlfriend before meeting them and spending quality time (several dates... not just 2) with them. In regards on how to break up. Do it now. The sting will only hurt him more if he realizes you USED him as a taxi, and then broke it off. Find another way home and remember the lesson learned from this. Hopefully it's a lesson for him too not to ask anyone to be his girlfriend before he meets her too... Yeah thanks, I guess I just thought it would work because that's how it was with my last bf, whom I met online. I'll tell him tonight and just get a train back to school. Thanks again people
Author trt148 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 ok guys I told him how I felt and he was cool about it. Now he's insisting on driving me back, what do I do? I accidentally left some stuff in his car that I need back, I told him to just drop it off but he said "yo that's fine, if I don't get you back, it will make me feel so bad, just lemme do that. you don't have to feel bad about it." Should I just accept it and act like friends, or refuse and just make him drop off my stuff?
PogoStick Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Have you considered hiring one of those airplane banners that says "IT'S OVER!"? You could try a carrier pigeon but DOH! they're extinct. You've known each other like 2 weeks. Just stop being weird about it all and accept the ride back.
Author trt148 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 lol... well I'm an awkward person, that's why I'm asking for help on an online forum :] We just had a long phone call and he said that he likes me but didn't actually consider us to be in a relationship. He wants to be friends and just see how things go. So everything's good!! This'll be my last post. Thankssss 1
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