confusedlincoln Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Hi there I would like a little advice.. My ex boyfriend broke up with me mid January saying he didn't see a future with me.. I was about to move in with him two weeks after he told me this.. We had been together 1.5 years long distance, only seeing each other on weekends due to being nearly two hours apart driving distance. We always had fantastic weekends together and holidays away. I even stayed up there with him for a few weeks at a time when work commitments let me. Everything was going pretty well so i thought.. 6 months into us dating he did say to me he wasn't sure how he felt about us and his feelings for me but wanted to carry on as he really enjoyed his time with me as we had everything in common and liked to do the same thing. We went on lots of weekends away, enjoyed each others company and never argued.. we were lying in bed one morning actually a year since we got together with a cup of tea talking about our next adventure that we were planning and he turned round saying he thought we needed to talk about our relationship again.. he said he thought his feelings would be further on than they were.. he said even though we were having a great time he thought it wasn't fair to carry on when he was unsure.. We broke up for a week but kept in contact. i didn't think we should have split just because he wasn't saying he loved me as we had a great time together, never argued, our intimate relationship was amazing and we just clicked..a week later he rang me up asking for forgiveness saying he'd made a terrible mistake and wanted us to work, he said he wanted us to move forward and spoke about us moving in together.. the next few months were fantastic, he even told me he loved me a few weeks later on my birthday everythig was going so well. We spent two weeks together over xmas and towards the end he became a little distant but i thought nothing of it, he had lots on his mind with money and work. we went shopping for things for me to move in with him two weeks later which is when he broke up with me the morning after we had done this.. He had been out the day before for a suit fitting as he was going to be best man and i met up with him and his friends afterwards for drinks.. again he was acting distant.. when we got home i asked what was wrong and he said something wasn't right and that he couldn't see himself marrying me or having children with me even though this is where he wants to be in his life right now.. he wants it but not with me.. He kept on saying it just didn't feel right.. i asked him what the actual problem was but he said he wasnt sure.. he said i was perfect in every way but something just wasn't there and he couldn't understand it himself.. over the last two months since we've split I'm still trying to figure out why he doesn't want to be with me and what went wrong. How can someone tell you they love you and are ready to move in with you and are talking about buying houses/setting projects up together for them to tuen round and say something isn't right?? I saw him a few weeks ago to talk about things and he still couldn't give me and answer and said if i kept asking why he would have to make something up as he just didnt know.. I then saw him this weekend as id been visiting friends near him, we ended up spending the day together and had a great time, chatting about old memories and things we wanted to do and general chat. i went back to his which i know i shouldn't have done and did something we shouldn't have done. We both said it was amazing and he doesn't know why he can't be with me when we have such a connection. i feel very confused.. please help
irresolute Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 If you still agree to have sex with him you'll be his booty call. You should go no contact with this guy. He is not sure about you and probably doesn't love you, so you shouldn't be having sex with him nor visiting him at his home nor spending one entire day together. You're downgradibg yourself, accepting his new rules. Go no contact now 2
TunaCat Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 You deserve better than to be this guy's booty call (unless that's what you want) He's unsure about you, that would be reason enough for me to go NC. You should do the same thing. Stand up for what YOU want. 1
Author confusedlincoln Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 If i hadn't met up with the guy for the day, why do you guys think to why he broke up with me, this is the confusing part as it was my own fault that i ended back with him for the night. I know i shouldn't have done it and regret it now, I've probably ruined every chance i had to get back with him properly if i even had one.
sabd Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 why do you guys think to why he broke up with meImpossible to say, not even he knows why, but on the surface it looks like he's afraid of the commitment with you. LDR and "having a good connection" is very different to living together, being with someone day in and day out. Perhaps he's not in love with you and doesn't want to follow through for this reason. People say a lot of things in the heat of the moment - good and bad - seems like after he had a chance to think about things he decided he doesn't want to be tied to you. Yeah, sex with him after the fact was not smart, but you already know that.
Arieswoman Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 confusedlincoln, Wow! Your ex is real masterpiece. He dates you, breaks up with you (which releases any responsibility he has to you) then sleeps with you. And if you get confused and/or upset then it's not his problem, because hey! you're not a couple any more. he did say to me he wasn't sure how he felt about us and his feelings for me but wanted to carry on as he really enjoyed his time with me as we had everything in common and liked to do the same thing. At this point you should have bailed out, but hindsight is always 20/20 vision. he doesn't know why he can't be with me when we have such a connection. I call BS on this ^^^ If the "connection" was so great then why isn't he acting on this? Talk is cheap - look for deeds not words. this is the confusing part as it was my own fault that i ended back with him for the night. So you put a gun to his head forced him into having sex with you? Rubbish. He was equally responsible for that, so stop beating yourself up over this. Please detach yourself from this guy ASAP and look for someone who really knows what he wants, and make sure that's you. Good luck.
Author confusedlincoln Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 You say he's a commitment phobe, so why is he saying he wants to find a girl he feels right with to marry and have children as he wants this? he dated a girl for 6 years, lived with her but it ended as she wanted different things.. its absolutely killing me. Im 35 this year and feel like I've lost my chance, I've never felt so loved and connected to with anyone.he's really hurt me, i can't see how i can move when i del like this, its been two months already. he even says we have a great connection so why has he done this. i know he hasn't cheated and i know he's not wanting anyone else
Cxpher Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 You say he's a commitment phobe, so why is he saying he wants to find a girl he feels right with to marry and have children as he wants this? he dated a girl for 6 years, lived with her but it ended as she wanted different things.. its absolutely killing me. Im 35 this year and feel like I've lost my chance, I've never felt so loved and connected to with anyone.he's really hurt me, i can't see how i can move when i del like this, its been two months already. he even says we have a great connection so why has he done this. i know he hasn't cheated and i know he's not wanting anyone else I have this feeling too. I want to find someone who feels right to marry and have children with her and be completely committed to her. However, i would be open to sleeping with some other girl who does not feel right if i'm single or not exclusively seeing anyone. In other words, physical companionship is still on the cards as long as i'm not cheating on someone. This only means one thing. You're not the person he wants to be with and have children with. That being said, most men like me, usually would not sleep with a girl unless we feel that she is someone we can be with for the long term. There are men who would sleep with any girl regardless as long as she's hot and there are men who would sleep with a girl regardless of whether she is long term or not as a subset of that group. Your guy, is in this subset. He does not care for your emotional well being. Leave.
sandylee1 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Please don't waste any more of your time and energy on this guy. It's really not worth the heartache. Maybe something just isn't there for him. Let him go figure it out. Don't let him back into your life.
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