sf Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Hi. I posted earlier, but I think I was a little too long-winded, and didn't get many replies. I'll try to condense it down. I've been dating a girld for almost 6 years. We've had a great time together, and moved in about a year and a half ago. I've recently been thinking about proposing. The problem is I have started to wonder whether she is the girl I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I had had my doubts in the past, but I had kind of just let them slide. Now that I'm thinking about proposing, though, I feel I've got to face them. The thing that worries me most is that I never really have felt much of a "spark" between us. We've always had a constant, nice level of caring between us, but I've never had any moments which felt like out souls were connecting. I hadn't thought about it much until recently, when I felt several very strong connections with a close female friend, and realized I had never had any of those moments with my current GF over the last six years. The other thing that worries me is that our intellectual-type conversations never seem to go past the surface. Whenever we go any deeper, its like we are talking on somewhat different wavelengths, and the conversations fizzle out. This isn't an issue with everyday chit-chat, and so isn't a huge deal, but it bothers me nonetheless. These are, of course, just the negatives. There are a lot of positives that have kept us going: she's sweet, kind, and very loving and caring. Do you guys think I am worring too much about this? Am I just psyching myself out? Or, do you think they are serious issues? Thanks.
gridiron Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 If there was never any kind of spark, outside of the care you feel for her as a friend, in the six years you have been dating, then I would say it is time to move on. It would be unfair to her if you decided to propose and to just give it a go, only to meet another woman down the road you really love and want to be with. I'm not saying it has to be the kind of attraction you see in Hollywood movies where you instantly feel a desire to tear her clothes off, but this girl just sounds like a friend you are trying to convince yourself could be a potential wife, when the chemistry is just not there. You shouldn't have to convince yourself she is the one.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Interesting - I have a different take. I think sparks are transitory and mellower kind of caring and respect. What actually concerns me more is the lack of intellectual connection on a deeper level. Is it possible you two have just grown apart?
sarah12 Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 i think you should move on. It's pretty clear to me anyways that you will always be wondering if you could have had something better, and from the looks of it, you can. It's unfortunate that there are so many relationships like this one out there, and people hang in because they think that they can't find better. Don't fall into the comfort zone where there are absolutely no highs or lows to look forward to, because you will be depriving yourself of a true passionate connection. It's out there, trust me, I'm single now and have been for two years, and yes, I have encountered some major mismatches along the way, but I have felt the spark and the passion once before, and I vow never to settle until I feel that again. Think about it this way, the majority of your threatd was about the negatives of course since you are debating what to do here, but your positives are: she's sweet, kind, and very loving and caring. This describes almost every girl I know! Find one who is all these things and more, because this is the rest of your life you are considering here. Good luck!
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