pilsner86 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I’ve read quite a few stories and threads so I am going to add my own for a sounding board. We met when he joined my research group as another researcher, he’s from France, so we worked together. I knew there was a distinct possibility that after his contract was up he would return to France, but we decided we didn’t want to regret not being together for the time he was here, see where it goes. We had fun the first two months but I knew that I was falling hard for him. He made me laugh and smile again. After two months we thought maybe to move in together since we are with each other all the time and possible to rent his place for someone else we work with. Things were great, traveled a few places, met my family at christmas, were part of our lives, we loved each other. Fast forward two years, he applies for a few US jobs, but ultimately receives an offer to go back to his university. We decided to try and work it out and see where I can find a job when I finish at the end of the year. It was ok with Skype and whatsapp but we really missed each other. We went 6 mos before we could see each other again bc of new job and timing. He bought me a ticket to fly to France to be with him for two weeks at Christmas and meet his family finally after 2.5 years. It was great (minus some sick the first two days), loved his family and they loved me. It was great to be together again. I brought up what we were going to do, if he wanted to try and move back to the US to be with me. I had thought about and looked for jobs in France but my family was not on board with the idea. He said that he didn’t know if he wanted to and that maybe I would move there. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a family so far away from mine. We said we’d work on it and not give up on each other yet when I left to go back. I was very much still in love with him. The next month was crazy with a family illness and my PhD research not working so it was a stressful time. Saturday afternoon I get a whatsapp to Skype. I get on to see him look like ****. We had made rules before he left 7 mos. prior that we would be honest if we had met someone else. He tells me that he met someone else that he works with…another PhD student finishing. That they kissed a few times (in between talking to me and telling me he loved me), and he wanted to end us. He said he didn’t know if it would work with her but we weren’t working and he didn’t see this coming either. The week before this I had actually made a list to find places to work near him in France and was preparing applications. It was devastating to say it lightly. So after him saying that he didn’t want to move back to the US and I would never stay in France, we didn’t really have much else to say on the phone call. Even though I had a small part of me wondering if we should go on, I never thought it would end because of another girl. I texted him after that to ask questions because he never said anything about talking to anyone let alone spending time with them and having feelings. He said that he was a coward and was sorry but it was the way he felt. And probably still see the girl. That he liked to talk to her about things and spend time with her. That our arguing about where to live was tearing us apart. But we didn’t have any conversation about it or anything after Christmas. I felt shocked, esp that he was spending time with someone else. he said that I would always be part of his life and he was glad we had the time we did while he was in the US. He said we could talk anytime I wanted. The next day I was dying inside so I texted him again telling him I missed him and more questions. He said that I was his best friend and partner …in the US and he didn’t love me after Christmas anymore. That was a hard blow to take, esp someone I wanted to move across the world for. We haven’t had any communication in 4 wks. I deleted his whatsapp, pictures, numbers from my phone. Unfriended him after a picture of him with his work friends with her next to him went up. and deleted the pics of him on my acct. I feel like a giant idiot, that I thought we would work long distance. That it kills that he doesn’t contact me. I miss him and love him so much yet. I thought I was ok this week but it all just sucks. And to have thoughts that he is already wanting to be with someone even before we broke up. He might as well just stab me in the heart. I know we weren’t perfect but who is. It would have been 3 years next week. Was any of it real? Did he love me after he left? If he really felt sad that we were done? Any advice? I know I shouldn’t contact him but it hurts so much not to talk to him.
Emma1234 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hey, this sounds so painful but to an extent I understand what you're going through. My long distance relationship ended recently because he wanted to be with his ex, that is different of course but i understand the feeling of having to deal with them being straight away. I don't think it means he didn't love you! He certainly did to even try and make it work with such a long distance between you. I think it was probably the realisation that the distance wasn't going to change, at least not any time soon, and then when he met someone else not only did he experience 'the grass in greener' but also the possibility of something close by. He won't be texting you because he has this distraction, I have no idea if they'll work out but for now his feelings of grief won't be as strong because he has managed to fill the hole slightly whereas yours is left wide open and gaping. If I were you I'd just try my best to start accepting it. You sound like you have a lot more going for you in your life and maybe now you can finally meet someone who you can share that life with and have a future together. Nothing is going to make the pain away except time and that sucks but i promise it does go, it might take a few months or it might take a year. In the meantime try and do as many useful things as possible, put the grieving energy into something else (like learning a new skill/hobby), then when you feel like it start dating and don't despair if you don't like anyone straight away. You will be fine, this too will pass and one day you'll look back and be happy for the memories but glad that this has happened
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