Nova83 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Hello All, I've never written a post about love before but desperate for insight to the male mind. My story is fairly simple. I met a man over a year ago while he was in town working, we exchanged numbers and a few texts became multitudes, which followed with hours upon hours of phone calls, which he said was way out of hs character and he had never been like that. Since we live in different cities, he would visit me in my town often, if I was working out of town (which i do often) he would visit me in that city. He made gallant, charming, chivalrous leaps and bounds of how he felt about me, not by just what he said but his time and money, and thoughtful gifts, but also actions like cleaning the gutter out while he was on vacation, etc and of course all the time he spent to visit me. We were head over heels smitten with one another from the day we met (Feb 23) up until after I met his parents (Dec 27) - I went up to visit him in his city, right before Christmas and met all his friends, had a blast he told me it was the most fun he had ever had there, I was on cloud nine. Christmas was sweet, sending each other well wishes and when I met his parents they absolutely ADORED ME. His mom started crying when I left and apparently was the friendliest to me he and his father had ever seen. So, after I get back home, my mom makes some comment about how he doesn't have me official on Facebook, I jokingly mentioned it and he shut down saying "well, we're dating not married." Soon after that, maybe a week later I asked why he had been pulling back, and he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and had too much going on with his life. Then he said "i just want to make sure this is right, if we end up together great, but I can't see myself in anything long term right now" - he said he wanted us to go back to "casually dating" and "see where things go" - this is coming from the same guy who months before was showing me houses we would buy together, and talking about how gorgeous our kids would be. Naturally at first I thought maybe he was freaked out about me meeting his parents, and openly discussing moving to his city for a better work opportunity. But then he would encourage me to apply, call me up and quiz me on interview questions, helped tweak my resume, etc. etc. etc - So, I go up there for job interview, and he is helpful but also distant - It was over a weekend too, and he said he was busy with a work thing on saturday so I ended up staying only Thursday-Saturday day, he didn't even encourage me to stay the whole time. As I was driving home, I thought of how strange he's been acting and called him out. This time he said "I deeply care about you, but just not as someone to date right now" I asked "Does this mean you have no romantic feelings for me anymore" he replied with "I'm not in love with you, but I care about you deeply." He had told me he loved me a few times, but also that he was a little slow when it came to love and relationships and to take it down a notch. I was no angel and on a few occasions harassed him about why i wasn't his official girlfriend, or got jealous of a female friend. Anyhow, after he said he wasn't in love my heart broke and i said "goodbye" and have been doing No Contact for 2 weeks now. He texted the 6th day, then the 9th and it's been silent for last week. I thought this was the man I was going to marry, and I'm wondering if this is a lost cause, or maybe he was spooked, or maybe I should take him for his word, cause he said he didn't love me. Anyhow, sorry if this is long, i'm heart broken and want him back more than anything in the world but can't decide if it's a waste of time. Any hope for me?
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I'm sorry to hear of your pain. As always, it's so hard to read someone mind in order to really understand what happened. Reading your post, I would say that he might have spooked himself as well as been spooked by you. It sounds like he genuinely liked you and was (for lack of a better word) trying you out when he invited you to meet and mingle with his family. Perhaps you questioning him about your status set things in motion but then again perhaps his family started in on him about settling down with you and it freaked him out. Who really knows? At this point, he has made it painfully clear that he's backing off and not interested in anything more than a casual thing with you. I know you're heartbroken and want things to go back to the way they were but as difficult and painful as it is, you need to step back and give him the space he's asking for. Pursing him in the hopes he'll change his mind will NOT work in your favor. I've seen this happen a lot and if you doubt any of this just read the countless posts about women in very similar situations as you. It rarely ends well when a woman can't let go. I know it's hard to see it but this is HIS loss, not yours. Count yourself lucky to have figured all of this out before you uprooted your whole life to be closer to this man only to realize he changed his mind. Stay strong and keep yourself busy. Remain NC. He knows where to find you if/when he's ready. Until then, take on the world! Good luck.
SingleDuck Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 He doesn't seem stable enough for you and although it may have been a great relationship you shouldn't will things to work out. Whatever you do make sure you don't close yourself to getting hurt like this again.
AprilTears Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 The first thing that came to mind for me was that he has someone else. Possible scenarios: an ex who came back into the picture, someone new who peaked his interest or perhaps you were a rebound who he eventuallly lost interest in? It could be what you said as well and he was spooked by all the questions/pressure. Maybe he was afraid of his strong feelings for you so he shut down. Because none of us know for sure, we can only speculate. It could be anything. You will drive yourself mad trying to figure it out. I recommend staying no contact. I understand the pain of thinking you're with the one you're meant to be with them it all comes to an abrupt halt. His actions were showing you that he feels the same. Then he switches to how he is now. It's heart wrenching. Do not let him treat you like this. Stay no contact and take care of yourself. I know it's not easy but you will feel so much better if you respect yourself and maintain your dignity. Best of luck!
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