My girlfriend and I of 5-6 months ended things. How do I approach the aftermath?

[thisismyalias18]

My girlfriend and I met last fall when I returned home from a 2 month Euro trip. I took this trip preceding beginning my career and a few months after a bad relationship ended. I went to simply travel, work on myself, and do something crazy essentially before settling down to work. From here on out I'll call her Mary to avoid confusion. Upon returning home I was crashing on my friends couch at his college apartment since it is close to my work. Mary is still in college finishing up her last year. We met through mutual friends one night and from that moment were inseparable.

 

We casually saw each other for about a month before we made this official. Our relationship was really, really incredible. Awesome chemistry, never bickered, and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. All our friends were friends so we were able to spend a lot of time together with them and alone.

 

A month or two into our relationship she wanted to talk to tell me about her past. About a year ago Mary was involved in an accident. A drunk driver on a motorcycle lost control and slid under her car. She ran him over, killing him on impact. Mary fell into a depression of sorts and her boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her shortly after the incident. From this point on she has had difficulty dealing with her emotions and controlling them. Sometimes they are all over the place, sometimes non-existent. Due to school and playing soccer for University she never had that much time to recover and take time to herself.

 

When she told me this I was shocked. I listened and comforted her. We talked on longer I made it clear that while I can't relate, I have had some significant emotional trauma in my past so I am always available to talk.

 

Flash forward to about weeks ago. We had another great weekend together and she tells me that she has fallen very hard for me. The next weekend is her formal for soccer and we are both excited for a fun night together. And this is the night everything changed. We both got quite drunk and she got extremely upset. She said she is getting scared and that she is worried I don't like her, that she is not sure she is ready for a relationship and this is all moving too fast.

 

The next few days were torture. We went from this perfect relationship where for the first time in my life I felt like things were going right, I felt like I had a real purpose. To a shattered romance with everything up in the air. We talked on 4 days after and I put everything on the line. I told her how much I cared about her, that this relationship is still young and we can slow things down. We agreed not to break up, but to spend less time together to allow her to have some alone time and focus on school. The next day we spent spent together since it was a snow day and it was just like nothing had ever happened. We laughed until our sides hurt, cuddled, and spent the night together. The next two days I could tell something was wrong.

 

This past Sunday we talked again and she said she is just not ready for a relationship right now. She wanted this so badly, but feels that something is missing right now between us for her. It is nothing I have done, it is nothing that I'm not doing. She is extremely upset because what we do have is great, but it just isn't the right time for us.

 

I've taken this extremely hard. While I had been holding my emotions together, on this day and this talk I broke down to her when I realized it was over for now. I didn't beg or plead or anything of that sort. I simply just cried while she comforted me. I told her that I do want what is best for her and if being alone right now is what she wants then who am I to deny her that. We cannot force something to make it work it has to be organic.

 

I told her I needed 2 weeks of no contact to straighten myself out. Since she walked out the door 2 days ago we have not had any contact. I'm doing alright, the mornings are the worst when I wake up and for a brief moment my mind is still believing we are together. But, it always sets in after a minute or so, crushing even more than last time.

 

I do think that I was more ready for a serious relationship than her. I graduated university, traveled a lot, and now have a career. She is still finding her path in life and trying to figure out what she wants to do. I think this scared her on top of a relationship.

 

While I told her that we won't talk for 2 weeks I intend on not talking for as long as I can last. I will check in after the 2 weeks because I said I would, but after that I'm going to cut contact without telling her. I need to not have her around right now to let myself heal and grow from this. Also, it is best for her to not have me around at the moment. My thinking is that by moving on from this we both have the ability to continue our lives and not be weighed down by this.

 

However, it is also in the back of my head that if she begins to have to live a life without me at all it will reveal her true feelings about me. Maybe after a few months she will realize this is what she wants. While I know it is frowned upon to go back and try things again I can't lie to you all, because this is what I want. I know right now my emotions are raw, but there was seriously a magic between us. And if she doesn't come back after me cutting her out of my life then at least I have been moving towards not having her in mine.

 

So! My question or advice I'm looking for is does this make sense? Love is not black and white and there are no set rules for everyone. There are exceptions to everything and I truly believe that one day there will be a time for us. I don't intend to wait around. I want to improve myself while she has her time to do whatever it is she needs to do. But does cutting contact really work? Long run if we don't work out I would still like to have her in my life.

 

Sorry for this long story but I'm just in a dark place at the moment. Sometimes I feel men don't have a support network to talk about these things as much as I love my friends and family. Even if no one helps me or offers advice thanks for being an outlet for me to talk.

[sabd]

In answer to your question, yes, your plan makes sense and I commend you for making the hard decision to cut all contact.

It really is the wisest choice while your emotions are still so raw.

Choosing to do this and not be attached to the outcome is brilliant.

It can only work in your favour, no matter what happens.

If it works out, you'll have used the time productively to become an even better version of yourself.

If it doesn't, you might well be able to eventually be friends with her as you'll be well on your way to healing completely.

Best of luck.