Santiago16 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I have a problem! How do I show girls that I’m interested without being creepy. I don’t go to clubs often but the other night I was in a big city and I thought I’d check it out. This is what I observed… Man approaches woman in disco. Woman looks completely awkward, like she would quite like the floor to swallow her up as he spins her around on the dance floor. She pulls away, awkwardly laughing and whispering to her (girl)friend. He walks off. He comes back and tries a different tactic. Jokes, conversation etc. She still looks awkward. Third time. Man approaches same woman outside where everyone is smoking. She’s less awkward now. I’m not sure what happened next but they were chatting happily for ages… My problem? How do I fit in? I am too shy, proud, dignified(?) to keep on pestering the same girl until she gives in. It makes me feel like a creep. So, should I just avoid going to clubs and concentrate on forming relationships with people in my neighbourhood, work etc. rather than with (exotic, beautiful) strangers in clubs? Shame, I like the idea of picking up girls in clubs but it makes me feel so wrong. I think because my grandad was such a womaniser my mum (during my formative years) has pressed upon me so much to not be a creepy pervert, that I have gone to the opposite extreme, reluctant to take any risks ever. Most girls have to literally jump on me to get things moving. Problem is they only do it a few times a year and it’s getting frustrating : ) Cheers S
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I think you need a quieter environment, not a club. Talk to the people you find interesting. Develop a rapport. Flirt. Work up to asking them out.
Author Santiago16 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 I think you need a quieter environment, not a club. Talk to the people you find interesting. Develop a rapport. Flirt. Work up to asking them out. Thanks for the quick reply. I love the idea of going to clubs, dancing (hopefully to good music) and finding someone who wants to spend the night with me. It's happened in the past, although admittedly - like you said - in quieter environments. Why should I feel creepy? Girls aren't all there just to dance and then go home. They want to meet someone too. Do the pestering men, who seem to succeed while I fail, just repress their shame button or something?
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) You shouldn't keep "pestering" a girl who seems like she feels awkward about it. That's not going to work out. You talk to a few girls and pay close attention to any who have come into your immediate vicinity. You can ask any of them to dance. Probably once you ask one to dance, if she wants to dance again, she might ask you next time and then you chat her up. Or after you dance, offer to buy her a drink. If she says "I already have one," that's no big deal. Say "maybe later" and see if she seems to remain friendly or not for your cue. A girl dancing with you in no way indicates she will go home with you, but most girls won't dance with someone they want nothing to do with. When out in public like that, to avoid being creepy, don't just be friendly toward the girl or girls you want to hit on. Be open and friendly and talk to a lot of people and laugh and have a good time. This, more than anything, will innoculate you from getting labeled as creepy because you singled someone out but were not friendly to anyone else, which IS creepy. You're either friendly or you're not. Women know when you're faking it just to try to get laid. Edited March 10, 2015 by preraph 1
Author Santiago16 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 You shouldn't keep "pestering" a girl who seems like she feels awkward about it. That's not going to work out. You talk to a few girls and pay close attention to any who have come into your immediate vicinity. You can ask any of them to dance. Probably once you ask one to dance, if she wants to dance again, she might ask you next time and then you chat her up. Or after you dance, offer to buy her a drink. If she says "I already have one," that's no big deal. Say "maybe later" and see if she seems to remain friendly or not for your cue. A girl dancing with you in no way indicates she will go home with you, but most girls won't dance with someone they want nothing to do with. When out in public like that, to avoid being creepy, don't just be friendly toward the girl or girls you want to hit on. Be open and friendly and talk to a lot of people and laugh and have a good time. This, more than anything, will innoculate you from getting labeled as creepy because you singled someone out but were not friendly to anyone else, which IS creepy. You're either friendly or you're not. Women know when you're faking it just to try to get laid. Most girls say they hate men pestering them. But for some it seems just a front. Maybe I should avoid this type of woman however much I'm naturally attracted to her. Thanks for your time : )
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I just think that only the very young and immature would say they hate being pestered when it's not true. I think once you are into your 20s, that type of sophomoric stuff should drop by the wayside. That nonsense about being able to wear a girl down is mostly fiction created in Hollywood. No one likes to be continually pursued by someone they've already discouraged once. 1
alphamale Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I have a problem! How do I show girls that I’m interested without being creepy. I don’t go to clubs often but the other night I was in a big city and I thought I’d check it out. This is what I observed… Man approaches woman in disco. Woman looks completely awkward, like she would quite like the floor to swallow her up as he spins her around on the dance floor. She pulls away, awkwardly laughing and whispering to her (girl)friend. He walks off. He comes back and tries a different tactic. Jokes, conversation etc. She still looks awkward. Third time. Man approaches same woman outside where everyone is smoking. She’s less awkward now. I’m not sure what happened next but they were chatting happily for ages… My problem? How do I fit in? I am too shy, proud, dignified(?) to keep on pestering the same girl until she gives in. It makes me feel like a creep. So, should I just avoid going to clubs and concentrate on forming relationships with people in my neighbourhood, work etc. rather than with (exotic, beautiful) strangers in clubs? Shame, I like the idea of picking up girls in clubs but it makes me feel so wrong. I think because my grandad was such a womaniser my mum (during my formative years) has pressed upon me so much to not be a creepy pervert, that I have gone to the opposite extreme, reluctant to take any risks ever. Most girls have to literally jump on me to get things moving. Problem is they only do it a few times a year and it’s getting frustrating : ) Cheers S clubs and bars are designed to make money, ergo they are not the best place to meet people.
Author Santiago16 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 We all seem agreed that pestering is not the way. Can't help believing that I need to somehow convince myself more that women do like me rather than becoming nervous as soon as they show interest in other people too. As for entrepreneurial activity being incompatible with meeting people. I'm not sure. Loud music isn't that helpful that's for sure. And being bad at dancing : )
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 We all seem agreed that pestering is not the way. Can't help believing that I need to somehow convince myself more that women do like me rather than becoming nervous as soon as they show interest in other people too. As for entrepreneurial activity being incompatible with meeting people. I'm not sure. Loud music isn't that helpful that's for sure. And being bad at dancing : ) If that were true, I'd never have met or dated anybody! Here's a line a guy used on me. In my journal, I note that three of the worst bands I'd ever heard were playing. The guy, who knew my younger girlfriends way better than me, came up and said, "We should just go over to my place and f**k, because even if we're the two most boring f**ks in the world, it couldn’t be worse than staying here listening to these bands." I'd have gone right then and there because I like wit (and he clearly had good musical taste), but two of my younger girlfriends has invested considerable time on him so I wasn't about to go there. Just saying, music does present possibilities. There's always something to talk about (the music/the band) if you're in a music place, so at least that's one more thing you have in common than just trying to get laid.
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 As for entrepreneurial activity being incompatible with meeting people. I'm not sure. : ) Entrepreneurial activity is ideal for meeting people. You have to network to get new business. You have to network to meet new people. I met my husband at a business card exchange.
kart180 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 a girl who I meet who's a staff member just shut me down saying she's busy. the okcupid profile was deleted
gaius Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Pestering is more not going away when she's clearly giving you signals to. What that guy did was just be persistent, and he probably ended up in bed with her for his effort. There's really something rather primal about winning over a girl for both parties Santiago. It's an amazing form of foreplay. A lot of women give it up way too easy nowadays. =/
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