Why Life is to short to be with someone who doesnt respect YOU for you.

[J007]

My story lies within a one year Long Distance Relationship with a girl . I am 23 , she was 19.

Everything was going really well , things were beginning to get serious , she had just been introduced to my family for the first time and everyone loved her and she adored everyone .

Things slowly started to deteriorate 2 weeks after the big family meeting . She started going cold and before I knew it , I had caught a message on her facebook that she left logged in on my computer that she had kissed another guy who has a girlfriend himself after a drunk nightout

I listened to advice and realised that I should give a second chance after constant begging on her part also .

I never initiated contact as I had trained myself to let the women do the chasing . Things were getting back to normal when all of a sudden she wanted that dreaded BREAK :eek:

I automatically knew that it was something to do with this other guy and it took her weeks after to admit it . She later on admitted to sleeping with him during the 'break' and things got progressively worse . She was lieing through her teeth to hide this guy . I was now officially plan B .

She then went through weeks of begging and crying for me not to leave her . I gave her one last chance to remove this guy completely from her life and she admitted she just couldn't do it . I was devastated beyond belief , the girl I thought I would eventually marry was gone . It took 1 kiss from another guy and she wasnt the girl I recognised .

It got to the stage where I eventually thought 'LIFE IS TO SHORT' I am noones second best , No Contact would be the only way .

I am now 3 weeks into NC and a little bit of me wants her back so much .

I think we all get to that stage where we just remember the good times . I would just like to share a little bit of helpful advice to anyone going through what I have been through .

If you were to die tomorrow , would you be happy in your decisions ? would you be happy that you were disrespected and tossed to the bins ? If the answer is no ... Move on !

Yes I still miss her but anyone who is willing to leave you for someone else is DIRT.

 

Short summary of my story . Year and a half , both in love ... Guy with a girlfriend sleeps in the same bed as my girlfriend . My relationship is pretty much destroyed .

 

Conclusion : I had sent my last message to her to indicate I wasn't happy with the terms and walked away and have never looked back . I am noones second best . I am the most valuable thing she is ever going to have . So NC has been going for 3 weeks . I do get the urge to cry sometimes but its remembering the good times we had .

 

Make the most of the good times you have with your partners because you never know when your world will blow up in your face .

 

Heartbroken doesnt cut it .

 

Thanks for reading .

[Downtown]

My story lies within a one year Long Distance Relationship with a girl.... Things slowly started to deteriorate 2 weeks after the big family meeting.

 

It really does screen 'Borderline Personality Disorder' at me . Maybe I ignored the red flags or whatever.

Jay (aka, "J007"), welcome to the LoveShack forum. Perhaps your exGF does have strong BPD traits. If so, I just don't see many such traits in the behaviors you describe. Rather, you seem to be describing the behavior of a young woman who simply fell out of love and was immature in the way she broke off the relationship.

 

Yet, if you are interested, I describe the classic red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of them sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Jay.

[lauri]

I'm glad you are taking the right step.

 

In my opinion man, when a girl cheats on you the first time, it means she lost interest in you. Every time you took her back and tried to work things out, things got worse as she lost respect for you, because in the end, you weren't respecting yourself.

 

Your ex girlfriend is no unicorn. She's just a girl who is risking everything with you to be with a guy who is taken...so she tries to keep you around by crying and manipulating you to stay while she works things out with him.

 

Don't ever talk to her again. She's someone whos clearly not worth your time and energy. You'll find someone way better than this.

[Auspecial]

a little bit of me wants her back so much .

I think we all get to that stage where we just remember the good times .

 

Conclusion : I had sent my last message to her to indicate I wasn't happy with the terms and walked away and have never looked back . I am noones second best .

 

A little bit. Its good the greater part of you is protecting your own heart. You've been shell-shocked with her 180 move, and of course its going to take you a minute to grieve the loss and move on.

[J007]

Yes most likely but I have not really gone into detail . The biggest BPD red flag throughout the relationship was her habit of when things were going really well , she would all of a sudden come up in her mind a problem and not fix that problem and let it get progressively worse .

 

Long distance was always going to be difficult to maintain constant attraction and I really could not have done much more than I was already doing . If she fell out of love its probably more than likely but 2 weeks after we proclaimed we were getting really serious after her meeting my family it was just devastating news .

Its really a million pound question . How does someone jump to someone else and get so attached very quickly . I know women tend to have someone in the background but this guy literally only started to exist right after we had the serious family meet up .

 

She grew up with a single mum and dad abandoned her . It was always going to be difficult for her to develop emotionally and reach a point where she could be loyal with just one person . After all .. she never had that obvious example to look up to .

Me on the other hand grew up with the principles of a happy marriage that has lasted 30 plus years , My mum and dad of course .

 

The biggest red flag and the most obvious one was the first time we met she mentioned she had cheated with someone to get back at a past ex boyfriend . For the life of me . I should have run for the hills once that was said ! But as the saying goes . You have to make mistakes to learn and wow that was a huge Neon glowing sign in my face . What did I expect ? hahaha

 

The BPD traits you describe are familiar in a way that when they love you , they treat you like you are gods gift to them . But when that wares off . They want that new feeling all over again . The guy has a girlfriend and she is willing to risk everything to try and get him to dump his girlfriend and he isnt . I just do not see the logic atall and it makes me glad I am not involved with someone that is that messed up in the head .

 

I also in a year and a bit . Never met any of her friends . She always had problems with people in the past . Her facebook block list was like 50 names long .. Was actually amazed . She just puts people into a white and black list and thats it .

 

I really hope she doesnt attempt any contact . Atleast the BPD may mean she will stay away .

 

She is lost and has the classic symptoms of a young immature girl with traces of BPD all over the place .

 

Thankyou for the reply Downtown.

Edited March 15, 2015 by J007

[Downtown]

I really hope she doesnt attempt any contact. At least the BPD may mean she will stay away.

No, Jay, BPD doesn't really mean that. Granted, a BPDer typically will eventually end the relationship permanently. Until that happens, however, the relationship usually goes through several full cycles of Breakup/Makeup. Indeed, a recent survey at BPDfamily.com found that 38% of BPDer relationships go through at least six B/M cycles (and 75% go through at least 3 B/M cycles) before finally ending for good.

 

Hence, if she really does have strong BPD traits as you believe, there is a good chance she will start "splitting you white" again. I wouldn't worry about it, however. Given that she lives a long distance away, you should do just fine as long as you can resist her love-bombing attempts to win you back.