jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Long story short met this guy in November. I like him a lot but we both played a lot if games with (won't go into details) each other, which I started unfortunately. He said he thought it could be more between us. Last weekend saw him while I was out I completely ignored him and talked to other guys while he was there because we agreed not to get jealous. He gets incredibly angry and wants to knock the other guy out, I said but "we're not exclusive like you said remember?" He said I thought we were working towards being exclusive and kept begging me to come home with him, but I said no and went home. He called me 4 times, texted me which I all ignored, he asked for me to come over I said no. I didn't hear from all week after that the then tells me we should stop hanging out because he doesn't want to hurt me, this won't ever be more and that we could be just friends with benefits because he's going to continue to see other girls. I am so in shock right now and just hurt and confused. What happened? Is there a way to fix this?* Side note, he NEVER admits to his feelings, even when he wanted to knock out the guy at the bar he still wouldn't admit that he was jealous/didn't like me talking to other guys. He always asks me about my ex and other guys who I am texting but just says he's asking not because he cares but because he's "curious" which I know isn't true. Did I just severely hurt his ego or what? What happened? How do I fix this?
sabd Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I am so in shock right now and just hurt and confused. What happened? You ignored him. Repeatedly. What did you expect? 1
FancyFace Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Its advisable to only enter relationships when you are emotionally mature enough to handle all that comes with it. Game playing does not equal that. 1
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 You ignored him. Repeatedly. What did you expect? I didn't expect to be downgraded like that and so quickly. I just don't know what to do :/
ExpatInItaly Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Long story short met this guy in November. I like him a lot but we both played a lot if games with (won't go into details) each other, which I started unfortunately. He said he thought it could be more between us. Last weekend saw him while I was out I completely ignored him and talked to other guys while he was there because we agreed not to get jealous. He gets incredibly angry and wants to knock the other guy out, I said but "we're not exclusive like you said remember?" He said I thought we were working towards being exclusive and kept begging me to come home with him, but I said no and went home. He called me 4 times, texted me which I all ignored, he asked for me to come over I said no. I didn't hear from all week after that the then tells me we should stop hanging out because he doesn't want to hurt me, this won't ever be more and that we could be just friends with benefits because he's going to continue to see other girls. I am so in shock right now and just hurt and confused. What happened? Is there a way to fix this?* Side note, he NEVER admits to his feelings, even when he wanted to knock out the guy at the bar he still wouldn't admit that he was jealous/didn't like me talking to other guys. He always asks me about my ex and other guys who I am texting but just says he's asking not because he cares but because he's "curious" which I know isn't true. Did I just severely hurt his ego or what? What happened? How do I fix this? You don't. It's not going to work, too much drama. Don't be FWB either. Neither of you is cut out for it. 1
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I am not sure what you thought you were going to achieve there? What was your train of thought? What did you want him to do? Why did you keep ignoring him?
stillafool Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 You say you were downgraded to FWB but it seems that's all you ever were. I think you should tell him you want to be his gf. If he says no then just move on to someone who wants a gf not a FWB. Never accept this type of relationship again. Someone always gets hurt and it always the girl.
PegNosePete Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 It seems that you want to live by the sword, but resent dying by it. You messed with his head. All of this ignoring him, flirting with other guys, etc. Just to wind him up. Ignoring his calls and texts, rejecting him, etc. And you're surprised that YOU got downgraded? Hellooo?? You rejected him, many times! And now you're disappointed that he doesn't want to have a serious relationship with you? I don't blame him. You acted like a total drama llama. How to fix it? You could try talking like a mature adult human being instead of playing stupid games. 3
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 I am not sure what you thought you were going to achieve there? What was your train of thought? What did you want him to do? Why did you keep ignoring him? Well only a few days before he was being an ass and said well I just don't want you to get jealous because we're not exclusive. It was like he was trying to throw it in my face when I hadn't done anything? My friend said he said that just said that to help his ego and make himself look better. So after he said that I decided to do my own thing. I didn't know he really felt the way that he did.... How can I fix this?
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 You say you were downgraded to FWB but it seems that's all you ever were. I think you should tell him you want to be his gf. If he says no then just move on to someone who wants a gf not a FWB. Never accept this type of relationship again. Someone always gets hurt and it always the girl. No we just had sex for the first time literally days before this happened.
NC-Thomas Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) My ex also ignored me out of the blue (nothing happened), distanced herself from me. I remember it made me quite angry, that's just a natural response. A bit of jealousy can be healthy for your relationship, but when you push it too hard, like you did, it backfires right in your face. All the way to the point where someone actually starts to resent you for hurting them. I know how he must have felt and what he feels now. When a man's ego is hurt like that, there is no quick fix. I hate my ex, not really for breaking up with me, but ignoring me before actually breaking up. Next time think before you act... You just can't get away / come out clean while behaving like that. Maybe you could apologize, but I doubt that will really fix the problem. He will still feel bruised... Edited March 10, 2015 by NC-Thomas
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 You have to sit him down and talk to him face to face, with no drama and speak to him about exclusivity and tell him that is what you want, and stop playing games. If he then says he only wants a FWB, then you have to say that is not what you want and you break up with him. If you continue as a FWB and he sees you as a FWB then he is unlikely to change that opinion of you and make you his gf, no matter how long you hang around. Make it clear you want a relationship and don't back down. If he really likes you he will agree to being exclusive, if not then you break up and that will save you a whole lot of time wishing and hoping and getting nowhere.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 My ex also ignored me out of the blue (nothing happened), distanced herself from me. I remember it made me quite angry, that's just a natural response. A bit of jealousy can be healthy for your relationship, but when you push it too hard, like you did, it backfires right in your face. All the way to the point where someone actually starts to resent you for hurting them. I know how he must have felt and what he feels now. When a man's ego is hurt like that, there is no quick fix. I hate my ex, not really for breaking up with me, but ignoring me. Next time think before you act... Maybe you could apologise, but I doubt that will really fix the problem. So you think him saying he wasn't upset was him trying to save face? I really wasn't trying to push him, he had said only a few days before I just don't want you to get jealous, not sure why because I haven't done anything to make him say that so I took that as I should just do my own thing. I didn't know that's how he really felt because if I didn't I wouldn't have blown him off. So how do you think he feels exactly, since you went through a similar situation? Maybe I can continue to hang out with him for a bit show that it's drama free and maybe that'll work?
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 You sound like you are 13. What's with all the games? Geeez. I know but as I've said to others he told me only days before that *I just don't want you to be jealous of other girls crap, which my friend said he did to make himself look better because I didn't do anything to warrant that. So I decided that I was going to do my own thing, what else was I supposed to do after hearing that? If I would've known how he really felt I wouldn't have done that... I keep trying to have an honest conversation but he just kept saying he isn't jealous, he's not mad about the night I saw him out at the bar, or that he keeps only asking about other guys because he's "curious", and that he's not playing games also.
Zahara Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I like him a lot but we both played a lot if games with (won't go into details) each other, which I started unfortunately. Game playing comes from insecurity. Chances are even in you "fixed" this, you both will still be playing the same song and dance because neither one of you are emotionally available to nurture a relationship.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Just treat men decently. Talk to them; be honest. Don't try to make them jealous. Don't flirt with other guys in front of them. Don''t ignore them. Don't overanalyze. If you want to be BF/GF, commit. If you just want sex, then just have sex, but don't be surprised when you develop feelings; nature works that way for a reason. If it doesn't work, break up. These games are just death. This is what I just told someone else but only a few days before he said I just don't want you to get jealous of other girls and I won't get jealous if you don't get jealous? That was completely unwarranted because I haven't done or said anything to make him say that. After he said that to me I took it as a sign to do my own thing because what else was I supposed to do after hearing that? If I would've known how he really felt I wouldn't have acted that way that night. Edited March 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
PegNosePete Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 This is what I just told someone else but only a few days before he said I just don't want you to get jealous of other girls and I won't get jealous if you don't get jealous? That was completely unwarranted because I haven't done or said anything to make him say that. After he said that to me I took it as a sign to do my own thing because what else was I supposed to do after hearing that? If I would've known how he really felt I wouldn't have acted that way that night. Which do you care more about? Winning this stupid tit for tat game, or finding out if he wants a relationship with you or not?
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 This is what I just told someone else but only a few days before he said I just don't want you to get jealous of other girls and I won't get jealous if you don't get jealous? That was completely unwarranted because I haven't done or said anything to make him say that. After he said that to me I took it as a sign to do my own thing because what else was I supposed to do after hearing that? If I would've known how he really felt I wouldn't have acted that way that night. He may have meant it, he may want to or is actually sleeping with loads of other women or he has his eye on someone else, and is just laying the groundwork, who knows? Many men in non exclusive arrangements are very happy sleeping with other women, but do NOT want those women to be sleeping with other men. Unless you communicate with him in an adult fashion ie face to face and be calm and serious, then you are not going to find out if he is serious about you or if you are just another FWB that he hopes is not going to get too jealous when he sees other women.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 He may have meant it, he may want to or is actually sleeping with loads of other women or he has his eye on someone else, and is just laying the groundwork, who knows? Many men in non exclusive arrangements are very happy sleeping with other women, but do NOT want those women to be sleeping with other men. Unless you communicate with him in an adult fashion ie face to face and be calm and serious, then you are not going to find out if he is serious about you or if you are just another FWB that he hopes is not going to get too jealous when he sees other women. Very true, we had slept together for the first time only days before this but he's been so worried about my ex way before this, always asking if I'm texting him. Only about 10 min after we were done having sex he kept asking if I was texting my ex. I don't know I guess, what I'm saying is he was worried/jealous about other guys before we had sex, even though he says he asks about them because he's just "curious".
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Which do you care more about? Winning this stupid tit for tat game, or finding out if he wants a relationship with you or not? Of course the latter lol but after he said the FWB thing I knew it was because that weekend when I ignored him was the straw that broke the camels back. I tried to get him to have an honest conversation but he just kept saying he isn't jealous, he's not mad about the night I saw him out at the bar, or that he keeps only asking about other guys because he's "curious", and that he's not playing games. I don't get this guy. I was hoping to have a conversation about just starting over with a clean slate because I know we've both been doing tit tat.
PegNosePete Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Of course the latter lol Right, well if you really want a relationship with this guy then you need to sit him down and talk to him like a mature, adult human being and explain your feelings, and ask him if he has the same. If he refuses to be mature, or accepts but then plays more stupid games, then you have your answer right there: he isn't interested and you should move on. You can't force him to stop playing stupid games. The only way for YOU to end these stupid games is for YOU to not play them. You are in control of your actions, and if he won't stop playing them then YOU will have to otherwise they will simply carry on for eternity. 2
elaine567 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Very true, we had slept together for the first time only days before this but he's been so worried about my ex way before this, always asking if I'm texting him. Only about 10 min after we were done having sex he kept asking if I was texting my ex. I don't know I guess, what I'm saying is he was worried/jealous about other guys before we had sex, even though he says he asks about them because he's just "curious". No man if they are honest, likes exes or other guys hanging around. If you want it to work with this man or any other then you have to make sure you keep other men at arm's length and not do anything that incites real jealousy as that eats away at all relationships. Keeping in close contact with exes is asking for trouble, unless you truly want to get back with them, or you have kids with them, then bin them completely as they always complicate things. Some exes want to be "friends", but they are not usually real friends, they want you back or they just want sex. If you want successful relationships going forward, then cut exes out of your life; they will only cause problems in any relationship you are in.
Author jebrooks1988 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) No man if they are honest, likes exes or other guys hanging around. If you want it to work with this man or any other then you have to make sure you keep other men at arm's length and not do anything that incites real jealousy as that eats away at all relationships. Keeping in close contact with exes is asking for trouble, unless you truly want to get back with them, or you have kids with them, then bin them completely as they always complicate things. Some exes want to be "friends", but they are not usually real friends, they want you back or they just want sex. If you want successful relationships going forward, then cut exes out of your life; they will only cause problems in any relationship you are in. You're right, he knows that me and my ex were together for 4 years. At the bar after speaking to a guy he even asked right after if that was my ex that I was speaking to so I know my ex really bothers him. He even snapped at me a few weeks ago and said, "would you please stop talking about your ex and get off his nuts" I didn't even realize I had really been talking about him. After he said we could be fwb I said honestly I thought my ex bothered you and he said no he didn't care. Why won't he admit it? Ego? Not that I want him to be jealous just wish he would be honest about his feelings... Edited March 10, 2015 by jebrooks1988
Kinetica84 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Long story short met this guy in November. I like him a lot but we both played a lot if games with (won't go into details) each other, which I started unfortunately. He said he thought it could be more between us. Last weekend saw him while I was out I completely ignored him and talked to other guys while he was there because we agreed not to get jealous. He gets incredibly angry and wants to knock the other guy out, I said but "we're not exclusive like you said remember?" He said I thought we were working towards being exclusive and kept begging me to come home with him, but I said no and went home. He called me 4 times, texted me which I all ignored, he asked for me to come over I said no. I didn't hear from all week after that the then tells me we should stop hanging out because he doesn't want to hurt me, this won't ever be more and that we could be just friends with benefits because he's going to continue to see other girls. I am so in shock right now and just hurt and confused. What happened? Is there a way to fix this?* Side note, he NEVER admits to his feelings, even when he wanted to knock out the guy at the bar he still wouldn't admit that he was jealous/didn't like me talking to other guys. He always asks me about my ex and other guys who I am texting but just says he's asking not because he cares but because he's "curious" which I know isn't true. Did I just severely hurt his ego or what? What happened? How do I fix this? You are very the architect of your own downfall. You ignored this guy and now your questioning his reaction to you? May be you should apologise to him?
mightycpa Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 You can't really fix it, at least not for long. You've made an impression on him already. It will be difficult for him to see you in any other light. Consider this guy like your training wheels. You rode him, fell off and broke the whole damn thing, and now you've got a good feel for what you're not supposed to do. While this is a lost cause, you're muchh better prepared for the next go-round, although I will tell you that you still have a lot to learn. But it's really fun too, so don't feel too bad about it. Just continue to learn from your experiences and one day, you'll do it all right. 1
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