Confusedcarl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 So recently I've had some tough times and I've been trying my best to push through. I just kinda wanted to share with someone........don't really have anyone to talk to about it. About 8 months ago I was in a serious motor accident that left me immobile (not permanently) and pretty damn banged up. At the time I was In a toxic and diminishing relationship of 5 years. Briefly after the accident I let go of it because I thought life is too short and fragile to keep walking in circles with one you don't love anymore. Even though I had ended a burdening relationship I still had a lot on my plate. I grew extremely depressed with my recovery and immobilization. I broke all 3 major bones in both legs and wasn't able to walk. Beforehand I was skateboarder, I played basketball daily as well as guitar, (my hand got pretty ****ed up as well so...) also I ran for conditioning, so overall I was athletic daily and was now left empty handed. Also pre-accident I maintained my own life and took care of myself and post-accident I was unable to care for myself in any fashion for the first 3 months so I was taken in by my parents after my surgery. I pushed hard though once I was able and made progress with haste so I could return to the things I loved most and so I could begin to rebuild my life. I was in PT 4 times a week and about a month into that I started riding my bike ten miles a day after PT, then before I knew I was at twenty miles a day. Then gradually I was able to walk without a limp. So naturally I wanted to become social again. So given my current state I wasn't in any way shape or form looking to date casually, or seriously. But you know how life goes. I ended up meeting an amazing girl who was more than I could ask for at the moment. We dated and grew together quickly to my surprise with out any pressure from either side. We saw each other a couple times a week at least and had talked every day since we had met. (We had started having sex after the second date). Even with this new relationship forming I was still quite depressed. I was unable to perform any of the hobbies previously mentioned and hadn't worked in months and I'm sure My depression showed in some form at times . I grew attached to her to be blunt. Not clingy but enough to let her know I liked her being around and nudged at a relationship because frankly she was all I had to make me happy, so felt that I needed her around. But She backed out soon after that and I took it kinda hard, Not sure why but i have. I fell like in some way she never got to see me as a whole. All she got to see was a patched up kid who was pieced back together trying to make a comeback. You know, I was living with my parents not working trying to mend broken bones and trauma. She was living on her own about to graduate college and start a career. She was also from an upper class family and had privilege as well. Not the case for me. I'm not sure what my question is really. Maybe what was the reason she wanted to bail? Was it my physical ability? Was it the fact of me living with my parents not working ( by the way I was/am getting paid by my job the entire time Ive been injured). I don't consider myself to be an unattractive either. I'm 6'3, athletic build, long curly auburn hair, Blue eyes blah blah. I know I shouldn't take it so personal but sometimes it's hard not to ...... Since I have moved out of my parents house and reclaimed somewhat of my life. I play BBall and Guitar again and I'm about to start work. I'm still not 100% but I'm a lot closer than I would be if I had no ambition or determination. I just feel like, given my situation and my allotted amount of time (8 months) I've pushed myself a lot harder than the average. Definitely for one who is getting paid to sit at home , and still I feel like I wasn't enough for someone. I just feel that if I was my original self when I had met her maybe his wouldn't had happened and we could have made a good thing great. but what the hell do I know ? So I'd like to see what you guys do. A lot longer than I anticipated, feel free to bitch at me below.
Buddhist Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I'm not bitching at you. But having been in a serious bout of depression myself I can tell you, that nothing turns others off faster than expressing it. People treat the depressed like lepers only worse because they have not experienced it's very real effects they tend to judge the depressed as self-pitying losers who just don't want to be happy. The relationship probably fell apart, not because you expressed your appreciation of her but because you let the facade slip and occassionally showed some depressive traits. It's like poison to most people and honestly I don't understand why. It's almost like they fear being responsible for your mental wellbeing or think it's something you'll never overcome. All I can do is sympathise that yes, most people aren't understanding of depression and certainly not patient with it. They tend to think it's a chosen state of mind, rather than a very real inability to gain perspective. And they do expect people to just 'snap out of it'. Don't blame yourself, you are doing the best you can with ****ty life circumstances. Thankfully those circumstances sound temporary, even if they are not easily fixed in the short term. You will find love again.
Satu Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Maybe you should wait until you're 100% recovered from your injuries before you date again.
Author Confusedcarl Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Maybe you should wait until you're 100% recovered from your injuries before you date again. I wasn't intending on dating anyone during this time it just kind of happened. I most definitely don't plan in it now until I reach 100%. Like I said before though you know how life goes, it doesn't wait for you or play to the rhythm of your drum. Buddhist Thanks for your input. All I have to say is that I understand where you're coming from about depression and how other people see you and handle it. It's not like I was constantly moping or indulging in my own pity though. I just pined for my regular life and boredom was starting to take a toll on my mind. I don't believe I was depressed because I am weak minded. I had a pretty big mountain to overcome. I just wanted someone to talk with and to seek comfort in. 1
devilish innocent Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 There's really no way to know how things would have turned out if you'd met at another time. Things are always iffy when you've just started spending time together. There's a good chance not much more would have happened between the two of you regardless. Even if it was just a timing issue, that just means it wasn't meant to be. There's somebody else out there for you. 1
hudson701 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Hypergamy doesn't care you had an horrific accident and had to rebuild your life. My girlfriend did the same thing when some catastrophic events happened to me last year. It's just the way women are- neediness and weakness are utterly repulsive to them. Read up on hypergamy and the Red Pill and you'll know what I mean. Good luck with your future endeavours, I hope you make the recovery you want and go onto a fulfilling life where women will just be used as play things, rather than being the focus.
BluEyeL Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I'm not bitching at you. But having been in a serious bout of depression myself I can tell you, that nothing turns others off faster than expressing it. People treat the depressed like lepers only worse because they have not experienced it's very real effects they tend to judge the depressed as self-pitying losers who just don't want to be happy. . I know it's not all that nice, politically correct and all, but I wouldn't date someone who shows signs of depression or other mental issues at this point in my life (it was a thread on this topic). Having lived for about 20 years with someone who was constantly unhappy, I don't want to go through that again, it's a constant bummer going home to that. It's not that I'd judge someone with depression, but I don't think I can take on such a task again. Nothing against the people, this is for me, not against anyone.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Hi Carl and welcome to the forums! I think maybe she might've sensed your depression and that's why she bailed. It wouldn't have mattered to her what exactly caused your (temporary) depression; she probably wouldn't have wanted to be a part of that at this time in her life. Did you fill her in on everything that had happened to you? I, for one, would've been sympathetic to your situation...and, I would've felt really bad for you and for what you went through (and are STILL going through); that might be another reason she bailed...because of the pity she felt for you. I think it's better that she showed her true colors now rather than later - before you became even more attached to her and possibly fell in love with her. I think you're making great strides with regard to your recovery. You have realistic expectations for the goals you have set and are working hard at making them manifest into your life (but, don't work TOO hard, okay?) If I were you Carl, I'd take this time to enjoy the life you're living at this very moment. Find joy in your physical accomplishments as well as the psychological hurdles you have overcome with regard to you not being able to fully engage in the hobbies and physical activities you once enjoyed. You WILL be able to do those things again! It's just going to take some time. You probably shouldn't date during this phase in your life. I realize that this girl you dated wasn't something you were looking for and was something that just happened - but um, even if another girl walks into your life serendipitously, you should probably pass her by. I mean, if you wanted to become friends with this hypothetical girl, I don't see the harm in that for you, so long as you don't develop any romantic feelings for her. It's something that you said in your post - about you being 100% before you start dating again (or something like that) - it's something I think you should continue to strive for. You're almost there! Once you feel good about yourself again....once you can do most (if not all) of the things you used to do and enjoy....and once YOU feel like you're at what YOU perceive to be 100% - THEN you should start dating again. Good luck and Best Wishes! You have a good attitude towards your recovery and a positive outlook on your future...which looks bright. .
Author Confusedcarl Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 I most definitely filled her in on my situation. She found it appealing and inspiring or so she said quite frequently. I'm not quite sure if she pitied me or thought I was pitying myself. There was no self loathing on my part through. I took this situation on like it was a challenge to be met. Like I said though there were moments of slight depression but being that I am I Skateboarder of ten years I used SB as an outlet and the number 1 way of expressing myself so you can see how I would slip into a depressed state Seeing how there's now a major void in lifestyle now. I have been gritting my teeth but I've made the best of it. I have no implication of this but I get the feeling that she's gonna try and make her way back at some point In the near future. Any advice on this hypothetical situation snd how I should go about.
Auspecial Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I most definitely filled her in on my situation. She found it appealing and inspiring or so she said quite frequently. I'm not quite sure if she pitied me or thought I was pitying myself. There was no self loathing on my part through. I took this situation on like it was a challenge to be met. Like I said though there were moments of slight depression but being that I am I Skateboarder of ten years I used SB as an outlet and the number 1 way of expressing myself so you can see how I would slip into a depressed state Seeing how there's now a major void in lifestyle now. I have been gritting my teeth but I've made the best of it. I have no implication of this but I get the feeling that she's gonna try and make her way back at some point In the near future. Any advice on this hypothetical situation snd how I should go about. It seems like you have made an assumption that you have projected the wrong image and this is why she has bailed, temporarily or not. But there are many other possible reasons, including that x amount of days/experiences have passed, and that's her comfort zone for intimacy and she needs to decompress. So, I would just try to be patient and stop heaping blame upon yourself. Keep doing what you are already valiantly doing and appreciate the tie you did share. Even if you were "100%" that would never ensure that you can have everything you want.
Author Confusedcarl Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Hypergamy doesn't care you had an horrific accident and had to rebuild your life. My girlfriend did the same thing when some catastrophic events happened to me last year. It's just the way women are- neediness and weakness are utterly repulsive to them. Read up on hypergamy and the Red Pill and you'll know what I mean. Good luck with your future endeavours, I hope you make the recovery you want and go onto a fulfilling life where women will just be used as play things, rather than being the focus. I checked out this red pill, thanks for the insight. It was definitely interesting.
Author Confusedcarl Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 It seems like you have made an assumption that you have projected the wrong image and this is why she has bailed, temporarily or not. But there are many other possible reasons, including that x amount of days/experiences have passed, and that's her comfort zone for intimacy and she needs to decompress. So, I would just try to be patient and stop heaping blame upon yourself. Keep doing what you are already valiantly doing and appreciate the tie you did share. Even if you were "100%" that would never ensure that you can have everything you want. You're definitely right there could have been a hundred different things that swayed her to take that route and I'll never know. I'm just gonna keep piecing myself back together until my life comes back around full circle and it's whole again. That's really all I want anyways. I just felt that need to understand why someone would bail.
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