Kaiten Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Have you ever hated a former friend so much that you constantly thought about beating the s#!t out of them? I had an old best friend, Zeke. Over the years, I never had much self-esteem, so I put up with a lot from Zeke. Many times when people would compliment me, he would be there to step in and downplay whatever it was I had accomplished. When we were younger, it seemed like he had his life all together. Amazing family that got together on holidays, and all kinds of stuff. I, on the other hand, came from a really broken home (never met dad, mom hated me, and other worse stuff). This is most likely where my low self-esteem came from. As we grew up, I began to learn a whole lot of stuff. The most important thing I learned was that you could change your life if you made the decision to change, and worked hard. So I did. I noticed something very peculiar after a while. Sometimes, I would talk to people, have a great time with them, and then by the next time I would see them, they would not like me, or they would have some crazy new opinion about me that I didn't give them. This went on for a long ass time. I never knew how it was happening. I eventually left church because of this. I discovered that at least some of the damage to my reputation was Zeke's doing. I found out through someone else that Zeke had actually been jealous of the progress that I had been making in my life. He wasn't happy about it. I never did ask him about it. I had already forgiven him. I just let it go. Fast forward to this year. After receiving no help or support from any of my peers (Zeke included), I ended up getting the opportunity to move to a different state far away. It was sudden, and I had actually never thought it would happen. But it did. In about 5 days I had packed everything and set out to see if I could start my own business. Zeke played it out to everyone like I had kept it a secret from people as a way to manipulate others. I have no idea what exactly he means. But at this point, Zeke is spreading lies. He says the most childish things and intentionally tries to hurt me with his words. Then he turns around and tells everyone what a terrible person I am or how much I need to improve. He doesn't like to disagree in person, but he'll much more quickly send me long ass texts and then ignore me. He doesn't like to reach a conclusion, only state his point and leave. He has done a lot of wrong to me all these years and all while claiming I was the one who needed to improve. At this point he as said some terrible things. And he spreads this around. All I want is to expose him. I want to fight him. I'm tired of him acting like a b!tch - talking s#!t and then running away. And everyone at church says all these good things about him because they don't how he really is. They have NO IDEA. I have never hated anyone like this before. I literally am thinking if prison would be worth an aggravated assault charge
Satu Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Mentally and emotionally healthy people don't hate anyone. Hate is pathology. 6
todreaminblue Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I have never hated anyone like this before. I literally am thinking if prison would be worth an aggravated assault charge this is the point where you get counselling...doesnt seem quite fair does it....but what satu said is true, hate is pathology... hate actually damages more the person who feels that hate, than the person on the end of it.....you have to let it go..for you...not for him...but for you..deb 3
Taramere Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 All I want is to expose him. I want to fight him. I'm tired of him acting like a b!tch - talking s#!t and then running away. And everyone at church says all these good things about him because they don't how he really is. They have NO IDEA. I have never hated anyone like this before. I literally am thinking if prison would be worth an aggravated assault charge Oh God....it certainly would not be worth it. You would be smashing your life to pieces for no reason other than to vent your anger. You'd be very lucky if you could piece together a halfway reasonable life for yourself after incurring criminal charges for violence. If people are coming to you and relaying lies that Zeke has told them about you, just shake your head and say "poor Zeke has issues, but it's tiresome to keep hearing about this stuff he's saying. Honestly, more fool anybody who actually believes it." Once you move, he'll have to find another victim. That's when people like Zeke generally get found out. Once victim, the victim tends to get blamed. Two victims, eyebrows are raised. Three victims and fingers are pointing firmly at the alleged persecutor. And he won't be able to help himself. He'll find another victim, eventually people will see through him - and then you'll come up roses because you rose above his provocation. 2
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Here's what you need to do. You have started a new life. Your pal Zeke resents that you have made progress and he is no longer a friend. You have no reason to hang onto him now. Once he has no fuel, no bits of truth, no info about you, he will fizzle out telling people things. Plus then you can tell them you are no longer friends with him because he was lying about you. So fix this last little detail in your life as you move forward and block Zeke forever. I had to do this with a best friend once who envied me and was going behind my back contacting people she didn't even know trying to use me to get to know them after she'd slept with my bf. I never regretted it. And yes, I did feel like hurting her, which is why after the main event I just tried to stay away for some weeks until I cooled down and decided what to do. So block Zeke and that stops him. No point in doing something to get yourself in trouble over the worm. 1
Author Kaiten Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 It's all so hard for me to understand. And why are people so inclined to believe negative things about me instead of asking me themself? I never let gossip get my opinion of someone. Why would you do that to someone? I don't treat even my enemies this way. And to think that other people who have called me friend actually believe Zeke. One time Zeke did someone else wrong (a mutual friend of ours). When we talked about it he told me why he did it. "I am doing it because I feel I am suffering. And I want someone else to suffer too. Straight up answer." Given that he said that, I don't see how any of this could come as a surprise to me. It pains me to admit (a little bit) but if I hold this against him then I too am petty. In that case how would I be any different from him?
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 No, you're not petty. It's simple survival. You don't keep people around who are trying to bring you down. You know you can change yourself and are in control of yourself. You need to also know you can only choose to have people around who enhance your life. 2
Zahara Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 You're moving to a different state. These people will soon fall off your radar. You don't have to engage or be a part of this circle anymore. Placing all this importance on his bad behavior is only perpetuating his hold over you. Focus on your progress and look forward to new opportunities ahead of you. It says a lot about your strength in character having braved and overcome those difficult hurdles in your life. His envy and jealousy of you shows just how much he knows what he is not. Don't give people like him power. Zeke is nothing but a bug under your shoe.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Keep it a fantasy, don't act upon it! I hope over time you let go of the hate and anger you feel towards him. Hanging onto that only does damage to you and keeps those yucky feelings alive.
kendahke Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) Have you ever hated a former friend so much that you constantly thought about beating the s#!t out of them? No. I end the friendship long before it gets to that point. Living well is the best revenge. You've moved. You've got new opportunities. It's time to nail shut the door to your past. Let them believe what they want to believe because that's exactly what they're going to do anyway. Do you really want a bunch of people who are so ready to believe lies in your life? They are not worth it. None of them. Find a new church. Make new friends. Cut all contact with Zeke--he should be dead to you now. Make no room in any part of your life for anyone who is so weak that they're influenced by what Zeke says. He will eventually play himself out and his lies will be exposed--then all those people will come to seek your forgiveness and want to be in your life. Forgive them, since you're commanded to do that, but you don't have to let not one of them into your life. Move on. Keep moving forward. Let go of the past. It's not serving you. Edited March 11, 2015 by kendahke 2
kendahke Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 It pains me to admit (a little bit) but if I hold this against him then I too am petty. In that case how would I be any different from him? You are not using that to maliciously injure someone you say is your friend. You are protecting yourself, which you have every right to do. Zeke is malicious, selfish, manipulative and wrong. He purposefully seeks to destroy others in order to elevate himself--but he's not gaining any loft from it. He's still sinking. That is his problem to solve, not yours. He would not show the requisite gratitude for you holding your hand out to help him up, so stop bothering with him. He's beyond toxic. Let him sink and be swallowed up by the whirlpool--you need to swim to shore. 2
Author Kaiten Posted March 12, 2015 Author Posted March 12, 2015 Thanks Kendahke. It's really strange to me that someone who calls you a friend would ever do that. I remember a time that another friend of mine (not Zeke) was going off to University right after I had just failed a semester at the local community college. It really sucked that I wasnt going to be able to hang out with that great friend, and in all honesty I was jealous. But I never had bad wishes for him. Knowing he was going to University, I wanted him to dominate that. I don't even see why I would have wanted anything else for him. It doesn't even make sense to me. That's why it was eating me up so much I guess. I had been trying to rationalize Zeke's words and actions. And I couldn't.
gaius Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 My best friend from high school ****ed me over, to the point I spent years afterwards planning his murder. I think I had about 3/4ths of the details figured out before I started getting laid and just didn't care that much anymore.
SpiralOut Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Those church people don't sound too bright. Who the heck just sits there and nods their head with agreement while someone spouts hateful things about his "friend"? Most people should be able to see right through that. Good riddance to all of them. I haven't felt the urge to do physical harm to an ex-friend, but I have felt tempted to share their dirty laundry with people they knew. I could have easily damaged their reputations or at least humiliated them. But that would have been sinking down to their own level. I even had a roommate whose girlfriend made my life hell. I was on good terms with the guy's mother - I could have easily manipulated her into hating that girl as much as I did, making that girl's life unpleasant, but I didn't because that would have been a low thing to do. Besides, if anyone ever figured out what I'd done, it would have made me look bad. It's better to walk away and let someone's actions speak for themselves. As another poster pointed out, he will get found out once he picks another victim.
Blade96 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 hate someone I used to be friends with? Check. Want to hurt them? Nope. What good would it do. I only wanted to stay as far the F away as I can!
Author Kaiten Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 My best friend from high school ****ed me over, to the point I spent years afterwards planning his murder. I think I had about 3/4ths of the details figured out before I started getting laid and just didn't care that much anymore. Are you being for real, Gaius?
gaius Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Are you being for real, Gaius? Yes, he was more experienced at the time and screwed me over with a girl I had been involved with and was crazy about. After I had been very good to him in a variety of ways, including passing on the opportunity to do the same to him. In the end it was a good learning experience, but that didn't stop me from frequently daydreaming about how I was going to kill him. That rage didn't go away for years until I met the next girl I was crazy about and got her. In general all you can do is cut him out of your life and find ways to make yourself happy. And improve yourself as well, as much as you can because people wouldn't be treating you like crap based on the word of one guy if they didn't feel like he had more to offer them in social interactions than you do. 1
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