Celie Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 my relationship w/ my bf (on & off 4 years) has been up & down the past few months--long story short: he spent every night at my house, finally moved in, it didn't work, just recently moved out (i asked him 2 but he agreed wholeheartedly & he thought the space might save the relationship). at 1st he was at my house every night but recently began sleeping at his more & more (he says the rent is high so he has 2 justify paying it, fair enuff, but i still complain that i want 2 spend more time w/ him) & then, drumroll please: he announces he needs even more SPACE. i am beyond bummed b/c even tho we have probs we love each other so much that we've worked thru them. but even tho i know i've been clingy s/t (which i explained that i'm scared of losing him since we no longer live 2 gether), i feel like yes, the orginal plan was 2 spend less time 2 gether, but we were already VERY independent 2 begin w/ (we have a lot of separate friends & do our own things apart socially 4 the most part), the times we hang are getting SO few & far between, like twice a week. he says it's really hard 4 him 2 commit 2 this relationship b/c of his uncertain career stuff (he is freelance so it's tricky) but that he really wants us 2 continue dating & me 2 be his gf. he still calls me a couple times a day, etc. but i'm really hurt & confused. is this what i asked 4 & i'm just having trouble adjusting or am i jst getting the beyond short end of the stick? i'm still madly in love & i know he cares about me but this sucks. help anyone? (BTW the past few days we've spent apart but i find myself actually NOT wanting 2 see him b/c i'm pretty freaked out...)
Scott S Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Yours is a confusing situtation, I must say. You're both very independent. You each have your own social circles, and independent activities. He moved in, then agreed to move out after you requested him to. Yours sounds more like a platonic friendship than a love relationship, per se, and I believe that what's happening is what you asked for. It's likely difficult for him to commit to a deeper relationship with you because he does not sense a similar commitment on your part. Hope this helps.
Conundrum Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 is this what i asked 4 & i'm just having trouble adjusting or am i jst getting the beyond short end of the stick? Both. You did say you wanted him to move out, correct? So he moves out. Then he slowly detaches from you. At this point, you are getting what you asked for. However, when he tells you he needs space, this is the turning point. he says it's really hard 4 him 2 commit 2 this relationship b/c of his uncertain career stuff (he is freelance so it's tricky) but that he really wants us 2 continue dating & me 2 be his gf. Here, we have conflicting issues. He says its hard to commit, yet he still wants you to be his girlfriend. This is where you get the shaft. This is not fair to you. He can not string you along like this. I dont blame you for not wanting to talk to him. If he wants space, then give it him. He needs to make up his mind. I am not in your relationship, and this is just one opion from an outside unprofessional source. Honestly, decide whether its worth it or not for YOU. I hope this helps.
Author Celie Posted April 8, 2005 Author Posted April 8, 2005 thanks for the input. it really helps. i should clarify that he DEF isn't getting the lack of commitment from my end. if anything he has voiced that he senses I want more than he can give me, but i have been trying to be cool & go along w/ the idea that he needs 2 concentrate on his career right now. & i asked him 2 move out b/c trust me, he was gonna do it on his own anyway. i guess i am just trying 2 figure out if i ride this out & just see what happens or just let go b/c he has detached so far? i thought the physical space alone would help him feel mentally less trapped by being in a relationship, but that's clearly not turning out to be the case...
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