Going on dates "for practice"

[neowulf]

I generally have a pretty laid back attitude towards dating.

 

I see that first date as a very early meeting, to simply feel each other out.

 

We're only grabbing a beer, not picking out curtains.

 

As such, I'm often pretty open to going out on dates with women pretty early on, before I'm really sure about how much I'm really into them.

 

The way I see it, it's really just practice at face to face conversation and the chance to meet a new person and hear their stories. I keep my expectations of anything more strictly in check.

 

I am concerned though that some people might be reading more into these first dates than I do, thus getting hurt when they go no where.

 

What do you guys think? Should I screen further before agreeing to that first date? Or is it fine to just accept that until you meet in person, nothing is worth getting too serious about.

[SycamoreCircle]

I think you're right on both counts---

 

-first dates are a great way to feel the person out and hear their stories. Fun!

 

-many people do take it personal when the date doesn't lead to something else.

 

That's the nature of dating, though. It can go any way. Keep doing what you're doing.

[todreaminblue]

Normally i have already felt a person out before i date them ...maybe its female thing

 

I actually take dating pretty seriously.....because at the start of dating i am looking for a further relationship with the guy i date not a friendship.

 

i also am likely to give the guy more than one date..one date to me does not define who a person is........i normally have a pretty good idea about the guys i date because i form friendships with them first....when i have done online dating that is where it becomes pretty stuffed up..and i end up dating gropers..deb

[kolleamm]

I have a hard time you are going on dates for just "practice", come on...who needs practice. It's talking, surely you see potential in them. Perhaps you are afraid to commit to someone?

[neowulf]

I have a hard time you are going on dates for just "practice", come on...who needs practice. It's talking, surely you see potential in them. Perhaps you are afraid to commit to someone?

 

I need practice because I'm naturally introverted by nature. I'm a shy and fairly sensitive person, so putting myself out there, face to face with strangers is stressful. It's hard to be cool and confident if you're stressed out and anxious. The easiest, most practical way to overcome that anxiety is exposure. You just keep doing something until you start to feel confident at it. Hence, going out on dates.

 

I work in I.T, so the amount of time I spend "just talking" with regular people isn't as high as it might be in other professions.

 

From my experience, if you're missing "chemistry" with a person, it doesn't matter how great they are on paper.

So, until we've actually met, I don't bother to build up expectations.

 

When I was younger, I used to get worked up about dates, because I was projecting my hopes and dreams into the outcome.

 

That was naive. The vast majority of people on this planet are *not* going to be compatible with each other. Why pretend otherwise?

 

I see people getting really worked up after a couple of emails and maybe a phone call. Until we meet, we're strangers. Why build up unrealistic expectations?

 

So, while I don't agree with dates with people I'm clearly not into, I do feel like it's acceptable to go on a "causal date" with a women I've never met before to see how we gel.

Edited March 10, 2015 by neowulf

[PegNosePete]

I work in I.T, so the amount of time I spend "just talking" with regular people isn't as high as it might be in other professions.

You work 24/7? It sounds as though you need a hobby. One that gets you out amongst other people, including females, and preferably with a good turnover of new people to meet. Not sitting behind a computer screen. For example a hiking group.

 

First dates aren't all that different than getting to know a stranger really. You can practice making small talk all you like in this environment (with guys as well as women), with no worries about "hurting" people.

[neowulf]

You work 24/7? It sounds as though you need a hobby. One that gets you out amongst other people, including females, and preferably with a good turnover of new people to meet. Not sitting behind a computer screen. For example a hiking group.

 

First dates aren't all that different than getting to know a stranger really. You can practice making small talk all you like in this environment (with guys as well as women), with no worries about "hurting" people.

 

Probably, except being in a group of strangers is stressful. I already have a stressful job.

 

Getting home at the end of the day and deciding to go hang out with a bunch of strangers is even MORE stressful. Not to mention that in social situations, my introversion kicks into over drive and I basically become a wall flower.

 

In one on one interaction, I don't have these level of social anxiety. This is probably where you're going to step in and say "Well, do something about your social anxiety!" . If ONLY I had thought of that... *sigh*

[preraph]

Of course, someone could get confused by it, but overall, I think it's a good idea. My only suggestion would be don't do one-on-one dates when you don't have to. Invite her to a group happy hour or dinner or party. It's a good way to expand your network. Because she may invite you to a party where you meet a bunch or new women down the line.

[oldshirt]

I have a hard time you are going on dates for just "practice", come on...who needs practice. It's talking, surely you see potential in them. Perhaps you are afraid to commit to someone?

 

 

 

The word "practice" is probably going to rub some people the wrong way. perhaps a better way to put it is to polish up on social and dating skills and to experience a wider variety of peoples and situations. ('practice' is just a quicker and easier way to put it isn't it LOL)

 

 

And yes, countless people do need 'practice.'

 

 

I am 51 years old and married now but in my youth I was one of those people that only went out on a date if I was already half way head over heels and did want to pick out curtains and come up with the names of the kids on the first few dates.

 

 

If I could step into the WayBack Machine now and do it all over again, I would ask people out on simple dates at the first hint of interest and garner the experience and social skills and dating skills that would put me in a much better position to attract interest from the people I did have the big time hots for.

 

 

Without those baseline skills and experience level, people tend to admire the ones they are interested in the most from afar and tend to think they are out of their league.

Like all things the more knowledge and experience the better

[GravityMan]

I have a hard time you are going on dates for just "practice", come on...who needs practice. It's talking, surely you see potential in them. Perhaps you are afraid to commit to someone?

 

It's "practice" in a "learning on the fly" sense. Your mindset is to have fun, relax, socialize, enjoy each other's company, and perhaps see if there is potential for another date (or something more). But you are simultaneously learning new things bit-by-bit...things about yourself, about the other person (or women/men in general), about dating/social/cultural norms, about flirting and innuendo, about what things are best avoided, and on and on. I think this is true whether you're new to dating or experienced.

 

It's kinda like playing a pickup game of basketball or attending a party. You're overtly having a good time but you may also learn a thing or two.