sunshine2 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) What a silly question. I feel like a teenager some times out there dating at my age. I have no idea whats what. I went on a third date with a guy I met on line. I like him so far, but I have no idea if he likes me at all. So this is why I ask. A little background, I am used to men who are more aggressive. They usually are touching me, kissing me a lot and showing lots of affection. This guy is more gentle and not as aggressive. When we go out, he will hold my hand in the movies and in the car going back and forth from our destination and he has kissed me good night. Last night it just felt different and Im not sure if its just me not knowing how to take this more slower pace or if he just isn't that into me. He held my hand going to the restaurant and back and hugged me and gave me a kiss, not passionate at all and then left. He had flirted with me over text, but no graphic sex talk, just talking about massage and touch and things that are more gentle in nature. I guess maybe after that text exchange I was thinking he might make a move or something, but he didn't. He also didn't text me last night after the date, but I did text him to thank him for dinner and he said Your welcome with a smiley face. So is holding hands and a basic kiss goodnight a good thing? How do you know if a man likes you when they are more shy. I would love to hear from men who might be more like this man. Edited March 10, 2015 by sunshine2 spelling
Buddhist Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Can't conclude one way or the other from this exchange. It could just be that your past partners are a bit overly aggressive and used to transgressing boundaries which you've come to think means affection. And then this guy is just normal. I don't think though that he's be putting his hands all over you and kissing you goodnight if he intended to just walk away after the date. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 This guy sounds awesome. The fact that he's not pushing himself on you & trying to get in your pants too early is a good thing. This pace, while slower & less aggressive than you are used to is probably more suited to building something lasting on a long term basis. Celebrate the fact that you found a good guy. 6
Author sunshine2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) This guy sounds awesome. The fact that he's not pushing himself on you & trying to get in your pants too early is a good thing. This pace, while slower & less aggressive than you are used to is probably more suited to building something lasting on a long term basis. Celebrate the fact that you found a good guy. Thank you for your comment and yes he may just be that good guy that I have been waiting to meet. I truly hope you are right. I haven't heard from him since Sunday night really since I was the last one to reach out to thank him for dinner, etc. So, I will let him reach out next and if not, there's my answer. Its so hard when you like someone and are left to wonder what they think. But he may also be dating others like I am and not feeling the way I do. Its a crap shoot at best at this point. Edited March 10, 2015 by sunshine2 spelling
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you for your comment and yes he may just be that good guy that I have been waiting to meet. I truly hope you are right. I haven't heard from him since Sunday night really since I was the last one to reach out to thank him for dinner, etc. So, I will let him reach out next and if not, there's my answer. Its so hard when you like someone and are left to wonder what they think. But he may also be dating others like I am and not feeling the way I do. Its a crap shoot at best at this point. I hear ya! It's that dreaded "uncertainty" stage for the first few weeks. What worked for me was the knowing that, since we had such a fabulous time on our last date, that "of course" I am going to hear from again! Not, "will I ever hear from him again." Have faith in yourself and your connection! 2
Author sunshine2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 I hear ya! It's that dreaded "uncertainty" stage for the first few weeks. What worked for me was the knowing that, since we had such a fabulous time on our last date, that "of course" I am going to hear from again! Not, "will I ever hear from him again." Have faith in yourself and your connection! Thank you katiegrl. I do need to have more faith. I was ghosted by a guy I really really liked just recently. We were 'dating' for about 3 months, although he had a couple real bad life events happen during that time so I didn't see him much during that time. He had told me twice that he wasn't sure about a serious relationship, and I have learned from that experience to believe them when they say that! It would of prevented the hurt I felt when he went dark on me a month ago. So I think that is bleeding into this dating experience now. I get that they are different people, but Im still a bit gun shy. Also that guy was very assertive, this guy not so much.
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 sunshine, sorry about that guy who ghosted you. But yeah that could have been avoided had you set higher standards for yourself...and stuck to them. And walked away before you got hurt. A little ambivalence in the beginning is normal, but after a couple of months, if he is still saying and behaving like a guy who isn't sure what he wants, walk. I never even waited "that" long. I am really perceptive though and could usually sense within the first couple of WEEKS if a particular guy was a keeper. You've got to pay attention though...and not wear those proverbial rose-colored glasses, that can really get a woman in trouble. No justifying, no rationalizing. If he is not living up to the standards you set for yourself, walk. Too many women are far too "understanding"...and end up getting hurt. Don't feel guilty or bad for walking if things don't feel right. It's YOUR heart that's on the line here...protect it! Have fun and good luck! And keep us posted!!!
preraph Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 He likes you and he is moving slowly probably just to show you respect. As long as he is not too mild for you and your interest remains high, it all sounds very positive. 2
Author sunshine2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 He likes you and he is moving slowly probably just to show you respect. As long as he is not too mild for you and your interest remains high, it all sounds very positive. You all have given me such great positive feedback on this guy. But, I still haven't heard from him today, so the last time I heard from him was when I reached out and said I wasn't sleeping and he text'd back Good morning early AM on Monday. So today would be the first day I have not reached out or heard from him. I initiated the last conversation so I feel its his turn to contact me. Don't want to chase or be the initiator every time. Slow is fine if that is all this is. Im just used to hearing from the men I am dating every day, more then once, so this is really different. I will post here if I hear from him.
Author sunshine2 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Hmmm. Have you established the next date? No, we have not set a time/date for our next date. We ended it with a hug and a kiss but no other plans, which might be why Im wondering if he will or not. He doesn't normally set a date though until later, so that is not uncommon with this guy. Even with the second guy I met on Saturday this weekend, the second date was not confirmed that day, just happen to be set today.
SELdeMER Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Huh. I'm in a very similar situation actually. Been on 4 dates, the dude is also reserved and seemingly slow-paced...or just not into me--can't tell. Last date was almost a week ago, and I have reached out twice by text to say hello etc. He responded promptly and chatted for a bit each time, but he has also not initiated anything nor asked for another date.... I have also decided not to reach out again, as I think it might be overkill. He knows where to find me. Though, after this much time I would hate for him to do the slow-fade... Anyway, I guess I have nothing much to advise, just wait and see what happens. I'm giving it a week, if he hasn't contacted me then I move on. If he contacts me in that time and beats around the bush, I will ask him if he wants to get together again....
fitnessfan365 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 This guy sounds awesome. The fact that he's not pushing himself on you & trying to get in your pants too early is a good thing. This pace, while slower & less aggressive than you are used to is probably more suited to building something lasting on a long term basis. Celebrate the fact that you found a good guy. So let me get this straight. If a guy acts masculine and aggressive, he isn't a good guy and only wants sex? The word gentleman does end in man doesn't it? If I feel chemistry with a woman, I'm very aggressive. But I don't push for sex either. I get to know her as a person as well as what turns her on. By doing field research and letting her desires grow, it makes things hotter when it happens. Plus, sex is always best when there is some type of connection.
SELdeMER Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 OP, has this guy been out of the dating game for awhile (not sure if you already posted that)? Maybe he is a bit rusty, and doesn't realize that he should be booking the next date soon so that you don't think he isn't interested.
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 So let me get this straight. If a guy acts masculine and aggressive, he isn't a good guy and only wants sex? The word gentleman does end in man doesn't it? If I feel chemistry with a woman, I'm very aggressive. But I don't push for sex either. I get to know her as a person as well as what turns her on. By doing field research and letting her desires grow, it makes things hotter when it happens. Plus, sex is always best when there is some type of connection. I like when men are more aggressive and Im not saying pushing for sex, just touching me more, showing me more interest, contacting me or a regular basis. Its been awhile since I have dated a man who is more laid back like this guy. I guess thats why I am questioning it all. The other guy Im dating is more aggressive, but the chemistry is not as strong at this point. Sex is always better when there is a connection! I agree 100%
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 OP, has this guy been out of the dating game for awhile (not sure if you already posted that)? Maybe he is a bit rusty, and doesn't realize that he should be booking the next date soon so that you don't think he isn't interested. I really don't know if he is rusty. I met him on line, so I would think he is out there dating if he has a online profile. He may even be seeing others too and maybe he found someone he likes better. You just never know unless they tell you. We haven't talk much about what we are looking for etc. I think its too soon for that. Im sorry to hear you are in the same position, cause it really sucks. I won't reach out to him again at this point because I did on Sunday night and Monday AM. And yes he knows where to find me. I hear people say I should ask him out this time, but last week I was the one who told him when I was available to see him again and he did pick one of those days. He moves slower then Im used to. BUT, who knows. I will also give him a week. If I don't hear from him by Monday, which would of been our last contact, I will move on too. I am dating another man, just not as into him at this point as I was the first guy.... seems thats the way it always goes for me.
Gary S Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 If he's asking for a date at least once a week and kissing you on every date, he likes you. Just keep in mind you don't have anything solid for two months. And yeah, if they say they are not looking for a serious relationship, they are screwed up or not into you. 2
SELdeMER Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I really don't know if he is rusty. I met him on line, so I would think he is out there dating if he has a online profile. He may even be seeing others too and maybe he found someone he likes better. You just never know unless they tell you. We haven't talk much about what we are looking for etc. I think its too soon for that. Im sorry to hear you are in the same position, cause it really sucks. I won't reach out to him again at this point because I did on Sunday night and Monday AM. And yes he knows where to find me. I hear people say I should ask him out this time, but last week I was the one who told him when I was available to see him again and he did pick one of those days. He moves slower then Im used to. BUT, who knows. I will also give him a week. If I don't hear from him by Monday, which would of been our last contact, I will move on too. I am dating another man, just not as into him at this point as I was the first guy.... seems thats the way it always goes for me. Ya I struggle with this too, I have already initiated a date (much like how you did--suggesting when I was available and what I would like to do, to get the ball rolling). So, I dunno if he is now expecting me to continue to be the one to continue bringing it up again--a green light so-to-speak. I am also used to more aggressive men, I have never had to nudge a man into a date, or initiate any between date contact. It's confusing...I really like the guy though
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Ya I struggle with this too, I have already initiated a date (much like how you did--suggesting when I was available and what I would like to do, to get the ball rolling). So, I dunno if he is now expecting me to continue to be the one to continue bringing it up again--a green light so-to-speak. I am also used to more aggressive men, I have never had to nudge a man into a date, or initiate any between date contact. It's confusing...I really like the guy though Me either. He actually asked me out on Sunday for Sunday night. Luckily I didn't have any plans, so he could do that again. I get so many different views on how to date these days some say reach out to him and ask him out others say don't. Its all a crap shoot So when you do see your guy, does he hold your hand, make any moves? Just curious as to how he treats you.
preraph Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Why would you be expecting to hear from him every day? I assume he works and stuff. Not everybody texts just back and forth randomly because it's time wasting and tedious. I imagine you'll hear from him when he is ready to make a date. 2
SELdeMER Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Me either. He actually asked me out on Sunday for Sunday night. Luckily I didn't have any plans, so he could do that again. I get so many different views on how to date these days some say reach out to him and ask him out others say don't. Its all a crap shoot So when you do see your guy, does he hold your hand, make any moves? Just curious as to how he treats you. Nope..this guy is a bit of a cold fish, or not into me. He doesn't really compliment or even flirt with me much, aside from light teasing. The only time we touch is when I hug him when I meet him, and he has initiated kisses at the end of a few of our dates and says he's had a great time... And now, with the lack of communication/setting up a date from him, logic tells me he isn't into me...But then he responds to my texts, so I'm so confused...
SELdeMER Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 The dating world is such a minefield. Guy takes a day too long to text, dump him. A day too soon, dump him. Too aggressive, dump him. Too passive, dump him. Kiss first date, too soon, dump him. No kiss first date, too passive, dump him. Sex first, second, third, fourth, fifth date? He guesses wrong? Dump him. Bad haircut, dump him. Dresses slightly off, dump him. Can't read your mind, dump him. You know, men may become scarce someday. Have some flexibility and compassion. relax and have some dip I wouldn't call it "dumping"" when you contemplate moving on from someone you have only had a few dates with and who seems ambivalent himself. She is confused as to this guys behavior because it's not the norm. I think it perfectly reasonable for her to give t a set time frame to wait and then move on if nothing substantial is happening. It takes two interested parties to get a relationship off the ground. it looks like she is doing her part thus far in showing enough interest while on dates and also initiating contact after dates. 1
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Nope..this guy is a bit of a cold fish, or not into me. He doesn't really compliment or even flirt with me much, aside from light teasing. The only time we touch is when I hug him when I meet him, and he has initiated kisses at the end of a few of our dates and says he's had a great time... And now, with the lack of communication/setting up a date from him, logic tells me he isn't into me...But then he responds to my texts, so I'm so confused... Yes, I would think the same as you. If he is not reaching out at all, and you are doing most of the initiating and its been a few weeks then you might want to move on. Cold fish is not good either. I like warm fish myself
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) I just went on the site that I met him on and he deleted his profile. Poof, all gone. Thats either a good thing, he likes me and wants to stop looking, yea right...has to many women he is dating right now, decided to be exclusive with someone else, created a new profile or just tired of the on line dating thing all together. I wish I could see when he removed it, but I can't. Edited March 11, 2015 by sunshine2
Author sunshine2 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Update: I texted him this morning. I thought why not I have nothing to lose. I said good morning how are you feeling? He has been dealing with Gout. He said he got a cortazone shot for his knee and the Dr figured out that the meds he is on for HBP is causing the gout. I said thats good news and he said yes. So I just went for it and asked... Im wondering if you are still interested in going out? I said you have been quiet thats why I ask. He said he has been in a lot of pain and swamped with business... I said, I understand, no pressure just don't want to waste anyones time if you aren't interested. He said No Your Not. I said Cool and have a nice day, he said the same. So I posted this conversation on my journal on another forum and 2 ladies said he is just making excuses and not interested. People say stuff like that when they lose interest. I would think since I was so direct, he could tell me that he wasn't interested. But, maybe Im just not a liar and would take that moment to say yea, Im not interested if Im not. Is there any excuse that would be a good reason? So... now I feel upset that they are saying that. But the ball is in his court so if he is not interested, then there you go we will find out. What say you? LOL
Recommended Posts