GreatOne90 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Good evening, everyone! I need your help. I just recently went on a second date with a girl and I am confused on whether or not she’s interested. We had a great first date but this one felt a little bit off. We went to live music event for our second date (one which we showed up extremely early for) and decided to go in and just chat for a while. When I first got to the area we were both lost and I had to go looking for her (which I didn’t mind) so I felt the date got off on the wrong foot. When we found each other I noticed like she like stumbled into me and I caught her (which I’m not sure if its normal) and walked to the place. Anyways, conversation was good until certain points where we stayed quiet for periods of times and I’d ask her questions about herself etc. She then mentioned that she had to pick her brother up at 1AM from a bar and that she felt bad about making me leave early and I said “I just wanted to see you, so it’s ok”. As I walked her to her car she says “if you like you can go back to your car” so I obviously didn’t do that as I continue to walk her to her car. Before leaving she said “I had a good time, we should do this again thank you for coming out tonight” I told her that I was thankful for her coming out and it was great. We hugged each other and the night ended. After, I sent her a text to let me know when she made it home safely (rookie mistake as she never responded) and I just sent her another text today thanking her for last night. Now, I am a little frustrated because I am not sure whether to just move on or keep trying due to me attraction to this girl. I feel like there’s a connection but she complicates it because I feel that she’s somewhat reserved. I still haven't heard from her and she did admit that she's really bad at texting which is understandable, additionally, informed she is scheduled to work this whole week. Now, I am not sure whether I should contact her once more in a couple of days or just let it go and move on. I would appreciate it if I could get some insight! Thanks!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong really, she just probably wasn't super interested in you. In all honesty, the 2nd date is nothing more than a do-over of the first date. You don't really know this girl either, so don't take her excuse "picking up her brother" at face value. It could mean "I'm meeting my FWB back at my place to get railed, cy@". Move on to the next one 1
Gary S Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If she can't even respond to a text she's not interested. 3
Buddhist Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I feel like there’s a connection but she complicates it because I feel that she’s somewhat reserved. I still haven't heard from her and she did admit that she's really bad at texting which is understandable, additionally, informed she is scheduled to work this whole week. Now, I am not sure whether I should contact her once more in a couple of days or just let it go and move on. I would appreciate it if I could get some insight! Thanks! If she's an introvert it could just be her social awkwardness shining through here. Not necessarily an indicator of waning interest. I'm an introvert and situations like being alone with a guy (being walked to the car) feel emotionally loaded to me and I get uncomfortable because I don't know what's expected of me and don't want to mess it up. I would ask her out one more time to get clarity. If she fails to respond you know where you stand. Otherwise it could be the above. 1
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Thanks all, yea then I'll shoot her a message in a couple of days and if she doesn't answer then I'll just forget about her. I doubt she's an introvert she did a commencement speech after her graduation and told me she enjoys that kind of stuff. Introverts don't truly enjoy doing stuff like that due to me also being an introvert. I just think that our feelings aren't mutual and I should just get over it. 1
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 You did nothing wrong and asking her if she made it home safely was very sweet and gentleman of you, don't stop doing it because she did not respond. When you meet the right girl she will be thrilled you are checking up on her. As for this girl here I don't care if she is introverted or socially awkward, none of these prevent you from replying to 2 texts. She has those texts on her phone there is no need to send a 3rd one. You continue looking for the one, if she gets back to you good, if not, nothing lost. A lot of people use the excuse 'introvert' to excuse bad texter. Being introvert has nothing to do with lacking politeness and consideration. You can be introvert and still have good etiquette. 5
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 True, thank you. I figured as much I guess I'll just keep looking.
Buddhist Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 she did a commencement speech after her graduation and told me she enjoys that kind of stuff. Introverts don't truly enjoy doing stuff like that due to me also being an introvert. I just think that our feelings aren't mutual and I should just get over it. Can't say I agree with you on that one. I love public speaking, I do it for a living. I am comfortable with that because it's a performance rather than an intense interpersonal situation. I am extremely introverted as measured by every scale out there but I love to perform because I can bring forward a part of myself that normally doesn't get a lot of airtime. Introversion isn't about disliking the limelight. It's about how you get energy. Extroverts get energy from being around people and feel drained alone, introverts are the opposite. People who get energy from being around others but are socially awkward, are just socially awkward not introverts.
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 I don't know, I just didn't get that introvert vibe from her. Then again, what do I know right? Hahaha, I'm just trying to put myself in a situation where I don't get hurt/disappointed by putting too much effort when the other person isn't interested in doing the same. I'm just going to cool myself off and send her a message in a couple of days if nothing then hey, then I'll know whether I wasted my time or not. It's funny though, she kept telling me that night how her friend was having on a horrible date that same night because the guy was not generally a nice person. So, that also plays into the confusing factor. She even when into detail of the guy her friend was on a date with. I.E. the sex (which according to what her "told" her was average), personality, ambition, motivation, etc. The more I think about this the less I think I should contact her.
spiderowl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't be too warm and attentive at this stage because she might start to feel smothered. First dates with someone you hardly know are best if the guy is a gentleman but backs off if you hint. I think it's great that you did want to walk her to her car. If she's not sure how she feels yet, she might feel it's too much. It's a bit of a tightrope in the early stages really. If I feel a guy is all over me, I start to panic a bit and back off in case he's always going to be like that. I tend to think like this: Is he going to be a jealous type, never letting me be alone? Is he going to be asking me where I am all the time? His attentiveness is over the top He's too keen, I might hurt him so I'd best back out now You need to be a bit interested but not to the extent that she thinks you'll fall apart if she's not. Aim to go out and have fun but don't appear too worried about whether you'll see her again. Suggest doing so, of course, but keep it casual. I suspect she's not sure how she feels and a bit of banter and space will give her the freedom to realise you are not all over her and she might have to make some effort too. Edited March 9, 2015 by spiderowl
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Good evening, everyone! I need your help. She then mentioned that she had to pick her brother up at 1AM from a bar and that she felt bad about making me leave early and I said “I just wanted to see you, so it’s ok”. As I walked her to her car she says “if you like you can go back to your car” so I obviously didn’t do that as I continue to walk her to her car. Before leaving she said “I had a good time, we should do this again thank you for coming out tonight” I told her that I was thankful for her coming out and it was great. We hugged each other and the night ended. After, I sent her a text to let me know when she made it home safely (rookie mistake as she never responded) and I just sent her another text today thanking her for last night. Now, I am a little frustrated because I am not sure whether to just move on or keep trying due to me attraction to this girl. I feel like there’s a connection but she complicates it because I feel that she’s somewhat reserved. I still haven't heard from her and she did admit that she's really bad at texting which is understandable, additionally, informed she is scheduled to work this whole week. Now, I am not sure whether I should contact her once more in a couple of days or just let it go and move on. I would appreciate it if I could get some insight! Thanks! Why didn't you just CALL HER? If I had two awesome dates with a guy and he never called me and only texted me, I would think that he wasn't really that into me, which would make me begin to lose interest in him. Sometimes...I wish texting was NEVER invented! I think that, hands down, it's THE worst (not to mention the most impersonal!) way of communicating to a person that someone is interested in and wanting to get to know them (dating). I only use texting to let someone know if I'm going to be early/late, to give someone a quick message or to shoot a quick thought or idea in someone's direction. But I wouldn't use it to let a date know that I had an awesome time with them the other night or use it to set up another date - I would CALL THEM so they can hear my voice and I could hear theirs!! That's just me though; I realize everyone is different and that a LOT of people use texting as one of their main forms of communicating with others. . 1
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Spiderowl, thanks. Actually, I was going to do so, she actually was the one who said to walk her to her car then asked if I minded which I didn't. But, I do understand to not smother her and give her the space that she needs to figure it out for herself. Still, I wasn't asking her to give the world I just wanted to make sure she made it home safely. Nevertheless, I just don't know what to do at this stage and I'm on the fence on whether contacting her again or not. Hell, she even allowed me to have some of her drink without hesitation and asked me to show her pictures of my siblings and mom. It's confusing overall.
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Well, the thing is BlackOps she told me she was working the whole day the following date so I couldn't really call her. The same night she was supposedly picking up her brother and his friends from a bar so I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to call at 4AM when she left at 1:30 AM to do that. I haven't really contacted her again and honestly I was thinking of calling instead of texting her next time. However, I'm just hoping I get to figure out what to do.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Well, the thing is BlackOps she told me she was working the whole day the following date so I couldn't really call her. The same night she was supposedly picking up her brother and his friends from a bar so I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to call at 4AM when she left at 1:30 AM to do that. I haven't really contacted her again and honestly I was thinking of calling instead of texting her next time. However, I'm just hoping I get to figure out what to do. Well, she was working the "whole" day, but eventually, she got off work and went home, right? You could've called her after she got off work - just a quick call - to let her know you had an awesome time and (if the timing was right or you sensed it was a good time to bring this up) when she wanted to go out with you again. Basically, the call shouldn't last too long, especially if she just got off work and probably wants to shower, eat, kick back, etc. I think she's probably just waiting for you to CALL her; I don't think it's because her interest in you is wearing off. I mean, it could be that...but the only way to know for sure is by CALLING her and hearing her voice, it's tone, it's inflection and it's pauses. You sound like a sweet guy and a gentleman (I loved how you asked her to text you to let you know when she got home safely!). I would really use the texting sparingly while dating and go with calling them, even if it's just a quickie convo. .
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Haha, thank you. I don't know if I should call today or what but I also don't want to be seen as clingy and creepy. I guess I'll give her a call and see how she's doing if nothing then move on. Would you recommend doing it tonight before I head to the gym?
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Haha, thank you. I don't know if I should call today or what but I also don't want to be seen as clingy and creepy. I guess I'll give her a call and see how she's doing if nothing then move on. Would you recommend doing it tonight before I head to the gym? Yes! Call her before you head out to the gym and make the convo easy-breezy. You won't be seen as "clingy" or "creepy" if you call the girl you went on TWO dates with to see how she's doing! Now, if you called her several times a day, um...THAT would be creepy and clingy! Remember, keep the call short 'n' sweet, okay? I think she'll like that you called her, if she's interested in you. .
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 So I called her around 8:50 before getting to the gym and she didn't answer. I guess that answers my questions and takes away all doubts. I can move on without any 'what ifs'. Thanks everyone! I'll keep trying until I find that special one I guess!
Author GreatOne90 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Hey all, So after I called the girl last night I waited to see if she would respond back or text back about the missing my call and she did neither. Also, haven't heard from her today. So I guess it is safe to say that she's definitely not interested. Now I must ask, people have said that we shouldn't pick up women at bars, clubs, or gyms. Are there leeways as to when it is acceptable?
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