VSgirl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Recently on an online dating site, I have hit it off with a guy. We've been talking for over a week. We exchanged phone numbers and have been in contact every day since. He always initiates texting and always texts me the first part of the day. We've even talked over the telephone one night when he wanted to hear my voice. We've also used the snap chat picture app to send nice photos of ourselves (just fun fully clothed pics). Hes even sent photos and called me when he was with his buddies. All in all, we seem to have a lot in common.He was sick with a bad cold last week (could tell when he called, had a froggy voice), so we are planning for this Saturday. I like this guy a lot so far, but I've been kind of worried about a few things since I am no expert to online dating. First of all, we've discussed a brief idea of what the date is going to be (early dinner/late lunch/going for a walk/dessert) and that he is coming to my town (he lives about 40 minutes away)...but no details as to where we are eating or the time. He has repeatedly brought up Saturday and his excitement for meeting. The other thing that has me a little concerned is that we met from a free dating site which I've met people before. I know I'm probably sounding insecure when I say this, but if you are interested in someone on Online dating, if you still haven't met yet..is it pretty normal for the person to be online in those days up to meeting you? I've logged in occasionally to just read a message if one is sent to me since talking to this guy, but I really don't put much thought or effort into it because I'm most interested in this guy and someone would really have to blow me away to even write back. The site I'm on is plenty of fish or more commonly known as POF. It shows when you log in who's online that you've recently talked to and I've seen the guy I like online a few times, moreso the last couple days. I also want to clarify that in a way this guy has come on a little strong to me and seems very interested in me. He texts me all through out the day/night, has talked about future plans like going to a specific concert/ballgame, told me that he had only had small talk convos with girls on pof but that I was the only one he talked to all day/night, exchanged numbers with and had big plans with. As I mentioned, I feel like things have kind of tailed off the last couple days. He still texts me in the morning but goes hours without saying anything after a few texts. I know it's normal for people not to be able to text at work, but he had always been doing that before, as well as he'd continued convos even when they are at a place to naturally stop. I know I have no claim on this guy and that before meeting a new person things are usually somewhat unclear. It's probably insecurity on my part but I worry that the guy is losing interest when I hear from him less, just because he was talking to me so often before. I'm also wondering if I'm coming across as clingy or too attached at this point. I felt I was mirroring his behavior at first, but now I feel like I am panicking when I dont hear from him for a few hours or see him online. I know I'm probably putting too much stock into this and getting too invested too quickly. I guess what I'm trying to find out is this guy playing games? Is he doing this whole routine of using pet names/sharing personal details/talking all the time with lots of women? Is this normal for online dating for a guy to still be on the site every day if he is looking forward to a date with a woman? Please let me know your thoughts!
losangelena Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 First of all, we've discussed a brief idea of what the date is going to be (early dinner/late lunch/going for a walk/dessert) and that he is coming to my town (he lives about 40 minutes away)...but no details as to where we are eating or the time. Is there anything stopping you from asking what time you're meeting? I know I'm probably sounding insecure when I say this, but if you are interested in someone on Online dating, if you still haven't met yet..is it pretty normal for the person to be online in those days up to meeting you? Of course. You haven't met yet and you really have no idea what the other will be like in person. Keeping your options open is important, so that you DON'T get overly invested right away. He texts me all through out the day/night, has talked about future plans like going to a specific concert/ballgame, told me that he had only had small talk convos with girls on pof but that I was the only one he talked to all day/night, exchanged numbers with and had big plans with. Red flag behavior all the way. I am way leery of men who do this. I don't think it automatically means he's doing this with EVERY girl he talks to on POF, but that he's doing it at all is something of a turn-off. He doesn't even know you yet. He still texts me in the morning but goes hours without saying anything after a few texts. I know it's normal for people not to be able to text at work, but he had always been doing that before, as well as he'd continued convos even when they are at a place to naturally stop. I know I have no claim on this guy and that before meeting a new person things are usually somewhat unclear. You also said he is sick. This could be a contributing factor. It's probably insecurity on my part but I worry that the guy is losing interest when I hear from him less, just because he was talking to me so often before. I'm also wondering if I'm coming across as clingy or too attached at this point. I felt I was mirroring his behavior at first, but now I feel like I am panicking when I dont hear from him for a few hours or see him online. You're right, it does sound like a bit of insecurity and makes me wonder how how much dating experience you've had and how old you are. Take OLD with a grain of salt. Be wary of men who seem so invested early-on—ask yourself what could he possibly be so invested in, as he doesn't know you. Furthermore, don't put all your eggs into one basket. Sure, you're interested in meeting this guy, but just because he's showing you a lot of attention doesn't mean he's going to end up being the love of your life. He is absolutely not worth panicking over. I know I'm probably putting too much stock into this and getting too invested too quickly. I guess what I'm trying to find out is this guy playing games? Is he doing this whole routine of using pet names/sharing personal details/talking all the time with lots of women? Is this normal for online dating for a guy to still be on the site every day if he is looking forward to a date with a woman? Unfortunately, no one knows at this point. Meet this man if you want; be open but cautious. His true character and intentions will come out in time. In the meanwhile, stay open to others as well.
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I may not be the best person to respond because if I was on the receiving end of the amount contact you have gotten already: daily calls, snapchat & multiple texts, I would be running for the hills because I would feel smothered by someone who has no boundaries. There's no reason for him to "want to hear your voice." Making future plans before even meeting in person is another red flag to me. I would not believe what he's telling you about not making more than small talk with other women from POF. However he deals with you, is how he deals with them. From OLD, I wanted a 2-3 messages, 1-2 phone calls & then set a date. One text to confirm the date & time & that was it. I never wanted to communicate with any new person more than 2-3 times per week, tops. On OLD you also have to assume that whoever you meet is multi-dating meaning you are not the only person they are dating. The fact that this guy offered you a Saturday night long date is above & beyond. The 1st meet is supposed to be short & cheap: like coffee or a drink on a Tuesday after work where you both meet there for safety reasons. Please tell me this guy is not coming to your house. Remember GIGs is huge in OLD. Because they can continually read new profiles, some people always think the next person they meet will be better than you. Until you meet, keep your guard up. Who somebody appears to be OL is rarely who they really are. Do not "like" this stranger too much too soon. I think by setting your expectations as high as they are, you are going to get hurt. Reign it in for your own sanity. 2
Gary S Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 A couple of thoughts: - I would not take texting too seriously. It's the worst form of communication. - You don't really have a concrete date... you don't have a time or place. - Who cares if he's online... you may find out within five minutes of meeting there is no attraction. We are strangers before we meet. Don't go overboard yet... let's see if you get a concrete date and take it from there. Texting and talk is cheap. Actions scream.
Author VSgirl Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 I have taken what you have all said into consideration. One big thing I got out of what you guys are saying is that I should make the date concrete for Saturday. I'm just not sure how to bring it up in conversation. Should I just say something like I'm looking forward to Saturday, where would you like to meet? Then set the time and all that. The guy is not coming to my house and he currently doesn't have a car, so I should clarify that he is coming to meet me via light rail or bus. We talked about meeting close to the light rail station that is near my house.
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Yes, you should take the initiative to nail down the date, time & place. If he's not familiar with the area, pick someplace near the station.
DoesntGetIt Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Not only do people on online dating continue to check their profiles/messages/contact new people up to the point of a date, they will do it the same day before and after a date and the next day too. You have to remember, until you're a couple who has talked and setup exclusivity, both of your are allowed to look, message, date, have sex, with other people whenever they want to. 1
mysteryscape Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Don't take anyone seriously in OLD until you get to know them, if you want to bother with it at all. Don't get emotionally invested in anyone based on messaging. He/she may well be giving a half dozen others the same treatment you're getting. You are seeing him online for a reason -- he/she is scouting out others. There's nothing like going out with someone you met online, having a great time, and then seeing them online a half hour after you part -- probably looking for the next person!
Recommended Posts