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The last straw and my final email sounded like I was speaking to a child.

SleekArchitecture

By SleekArchitecture
in The Other Man / Woman

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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I am so tired of feeling used and being left feeling torn between hurt and desolate after we meet. What is wrong with me that I would disrespect myself to the point I feel so much pain within?

 

 

I sent an email and then blocked him. I wrote that because he never put a foot forward to meet my expectations over the years, that I have taken away all his privileges! I wrote that all future can we f@#@$#% Friday and Saturday emails will be returned to sender. I listed his faults with communication. What was i thinking, it was as if I was speaking to a child. Go stand in the corner, a time out. :rolleyes:

 

 

The affair leaves you empty. I feel so empty and the sadness is indescribable. What in the world was I thinking!!? I was thinking we had this special connection. I am such a jerk to myself at times. I can be kooky and a tad bit eccentric at times, but am very much a good catch. I really think I need to start believing it a bit more. I think we all do. What exactly does the affair do for you that rewards you? It is not rewarding but a punishment. I hurt, but why hurt when it was something that was so bad for me.

 

 

The worst part is there are no answers and it is impossible to wrap one's head around that it was okay.

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

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How long were you together? Why did it come to this?

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

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I was involved in a fair about 4 years ago (we were both cheating on long term significant others) and I've since decided it's the behavior of masochists.

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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The affair has been several years and I have never been okay with it. I have always remained true to myself, emotional in a Louis de Point type, the character in Interview with a Vampire type way, my self respect was always in battle, battling itself.

 

 

I am really upset with myself that I set rules and boundaries and I let him to continue breaking them and I lost self respect for myself.

 

 

The breaking point was this weekend, this highly intellectual man told me we were FWBs. I was thinking what the ???. Crazy right? I am in an affair and FWB is so highly offensive to me. I have lost my way.

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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I was involved in a fair about 4 years ago (we were both cheating on long term significant others) and I've since decided it's the behavior of masochists.

 

 

No, no I do not particularly enjoy someone hurting me. I am hard enough on myself as it is. I do not need the additional effort of one forwarding me pain.

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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I was involved in a fair about 4 years ago (we were both cheating on long term significant others) and I've since decided it's the behavior of masochists.

 

I really do have to ask since you mentioned that you were into Masochism. Is that really you on all 4s in a submissive position?

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

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Affairs are self-masochism. The stress I put on my body for the 7 years I was involved too more years off my life than any drinking I've done. I'm convinced.

 

Melissa, I'm also trying to figure out the picture as well. Why did you choose that one?

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

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I really do have to ask since you mentioned that you were into Masochism. Is that really you on all 4s in a submissive position?

 

lol... that's me at the Hollywood Walk of Fame with my hands in Marilyn Monroe's hand prints. I just like the picture.

 

I'm not literally a masochist in the BDSM sense. I mean that engaging in an affair which caused far more hurt than happiness is a masochistic thing to do.

Eighty_nine Established Member

Eighty_nine

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No, no I do not particularly enjoy someone hurting me. I am hard enough on myself as it is. I do not need the additional effort of one forwarding me pain.

 

I think on an unconscious level, you do. When we are hard on ourselves and put ourselves into difficult situations it validates our feelings about ourselves. Complicated but in that sort of way you may get some satisfaction out of it.

Blu72 Established Member

Blu72

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So this MM told you that's how he saw this as just a FWB situation? No emotional feelings?

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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So this MM told you that's how he saw this as just a FWB situation? No emotional feelings?

 

Yes, basically and this is how he is mostly, very superficial and difficult to get to open up. There have been times over the years that he has, but slips back to non emotional. The key though is I am a very sensitive and emotional person. I should have had the integrity to understand that we were not compatible but I tend to view everything as a glass half full and that everyone has promise.

 

 

It is difficult that I feel such great pain and he is likely compartmentalizing and simplifying my feelings and disregarding them.

 

 

I understand some do not believe in sex addiction, but I believe deeply he is one. I read much about it because my intuition was screaming at me that he was this and the more I read, he fit not one or two aspects but maybe 50 on one list. I cared about this man but he was a taker and not a giver. He drained me and took took took.

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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lol... that's me at the Hollywood Walk of Fame with my hands in Marilyn Monroe's hand prints. I just like the picture.

 

I'm not literally a masochist in the BDSM sense. I mean that engaging in an affair which caused far more hurt than happiness is a masochistic thing to do.

 

I see that now and is funny I mistook it as something else.

privategal Established Member

privategal

Posted
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Alright so you cut through all the bullshyt and now you see you were involved with a man who admitted he saw you as a fwb ie. piece of @ss so now you can go back to your regularly scheduled program which is you...your life, the courage to go forward, the releasing of time wasted and now begin to fill it with happiness and the people and things that fulfill you and make you better.

Now that it is summarized never unblock him or second guess or allow some one to make you feel less. He took 7 years...you get all the rest of your years now to invest in you.

Cause I gave more than twice that and let me tell you, the story ended the same but add hatred and the loss of a friendship and the loss of me, my self identity, self esteem, the love of my career...I allowed myself to get caught up, swept away and in the end...left. It just really never ends well. So feed it no more time or energy of dissecting it.

Best wishes in healing.

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SleekArchitecture Established Member

SleekArchitecture

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You are correct with the assertion that I was just a piece of ass. It is true and almost makes me wish to memorialize it with a coffee mug made with the bottom being a giant piece of ass. FWBs, how sweet of him, why not friends of the pokey. It is equally mature. It has been several years, not 7. Several years as a FWB, how lovely is that?

 

 

I will move on. I am hurting and I will manage.

Edited by SleekArchitecture
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