ledzeppelin12290 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I'm in need of advice. I know each and every situation is different so I'm hoping you'll take the time to read mine and give me your opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months, friends for a year prior. At the six month mark I found out he had been exchanging nudes with strangers. No face or names were used. To say I was devastated was an understatement. Through this time I found out he started this "interactive porn" a few years ago. He got married out of high school and his wife cheated on him. He got divorced and was single for years after. He wasn't a one night stand kind of guy and I guess this helped fill the space, I don't know. If this was a normal circumstance I would have left. However, we're ridiculously happy. Our sex life is great, he's extremely sweet, and I can't say one thing I'd change about us. Since I've known him a long time prior to dating I also know hes not a player and hes a loyal man. The problem is that I can't seem to let it go. I've kept tabs on his phone whenever I can. I search the internet for signs hes been using a website. We live together but work opposite shifts so when I'm at work and hes home I'm constantly nervous hes talking to some stranger. I know he loves me and he wouldn't physically cheat, I truly know this. So there's a part of me that feels I should stop stooping and just enjoy the fact of how happy we are together. he offered to go to therapy if I felt that was what was needed. I'm not sure. I don't believe he has an addiction due to the fact it never interfered with our relationship. Also as a young child he was molested and although he doesn't remember much I'd hate for him to have to go through all of that pain if its not going to help. I'm at a loss here. I know bad habits die hard, but I don't get what anyone would have gotten from what he was doing and other days I feel like I'm going insane. I don't want to throw something away that makes me happier then I've ever been. I just wish I can let go
Gary S Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I understand exactly how you feel. It feels like cheating to you. He offered to go to counseling and you are not going? Do you know how hard it is to get some guys to go? Men don't like to go to the doctor! Set up an appointment with a counselor quick before he changes his mind! You are so lucky you have a man who would go with you, take advantage of that. He has to stop with the dirty pic exchanges, it could destroy your relationship... you already have trust issues because of it. Trust is tied to love... when the trust goes, so does the love... you may be headed for breakup down the road if this pattern continues. A counselor can help with this. 1
Author ledzeppelin12290 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you for your quick reply. He said he stopped the dirty talk ect. I know he loves me. He treats me perfectly. Like I said I have no complaints. Maybe thats why Im scared to see a counselor. feeling like a constant detective is exhausting. Then part of me thinks I should let it go, dont snoop, and let him be since its better than actually cheating.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 There is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. If he offered it, go for it. You can go together or have him go by himself. But it's a good first step to re-establish 100% trust. You need this. 1
Author ledzeppelin12290 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 I guess if I'm being honest I'm scared. We're happy and I'm scared if we go through this it'll end up ruining us (although living in fear that hes cyber cheating isn't helping). We're adults, I'm hoping to get married in the next year or two. That's when it hits me like a ton of bricks that I'm in constant fear and there's no way to control this. He's so damn good to me I just don't get how this could be happening to us.
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