mra234 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 i need to ask what the heck i'm involved in because i have no clue . some back-ground-datted this girl a few yrs. ago .she cheated,we split up. her dad dies out of respect i go to the funeral ,her and i start talking ,we start seeing each other casually .ABOUT 6 months later i leave the state for about a yr. [ family medical emergency ] her and i converse steadily while i'm gone .DEC. of 2014 i return [ she would have spent x-mas alone] i buy 3 bags worth of gifts for her .[ she's gotten me nothing , not even a card ]no big deal to me . I stay with friends until i can get my own place .Valentines day comes i get her a card and earrings ,i get a card [ a blank card no name,no date,no personnel message] it's like she jumped in a store grabbed a card and handed it to me [ o.k.] . MY birthday comes [nothing ] she stops by we watch a movie [ she says happy b'day ] that's it .HER b'day comes i get her a card , take her out to eat . NOW i have my own place , it's 10 minutes away from hers. x-mas comes i don't have a tree [ she wants to put one up for me,my dog,her] i go out get a 7 ft tree [ it comes in 3 pieces the base,middle,top ] she sets up the base only throws some decorations on it,some lights it's finished [ umm o.k. ].I get her a few gifts .as PATHETIC as it sounds here's what i got .a set of 10 plastic hangers , a box of 8 croissants,a bottle of drug store cologne . she did get my dog treats /toys .Valentines day comes .i didn't even see her until 11:00 pm [ no calls during the day ] i give her a card , a stuffed bear,a box of chocolates ME i get nothing .MY birthday just passes it was on Fri got a call from her [ about 9:30 pm ] saying happy B'day she'll see me tomorrow Sat .Sat comes i don't hear from her until she stops by at about 10:00 pm we watch a show , she falls asleep . This girl talks to my sister and tells her how ''wonderful'' i am , how she ''loves'' me , how she's ''crazy'' about me .i don't drink,do drugs,have no criminal record ,i work come home take care of my dog,see her .we are NOT intimate [ we were in the past] i've tried i get excuses ,my back hurts,work is stressful, i'm tired etc. [ never got the not tonight ''i have a headache'' ] NOW when she's over we'll eat something, watch some t.v.. AND at bed time [ in my own home] i sleep on my sofa and give her my bed [ i don't want to try to be intimate and get rejected ] YES i've explained my dis pleasure [ told her within a yr things don't change i'm just going to go ] Weekends i work until about 1 or 2 pm .i don't even hear from her or see her until after 7 or 8 pm .she's out with her girl-friends [ shopping] i know for certain she isn't seeing anyone else or cheating on me . the girl just doesn't care .AND she calls this a relation-ship I am lost
Satu Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Why on earth would you allow someone to treat you this way?
Author mra234 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 hi well i've put up with her behavior , and how she is [ she wasn't like this in the past] in hopes she'd change the ways [ more of wanting her to change her ways ].But lately i've been backing off [ not calling daily,if she calls and wants to stop by and it's lte-ish i tell her just stay home ]
preraph Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I know you've hoped she'd change her ways as she came to love you, but I think what has happened her is she was on "dating" behavior more at first, her better behavior, and now you've seen who she really is over time. To me, her stopping having sex, it sounds like she probably loves you as a friend at this point. I think you have to stop playing house with her and date other people. It's just too one-sided.
Author mra234 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Well i've talked to her [ yet again] i just told her straight out i'm not happy , she said she sees that BUT doesn't know why .i didn't want to sit their and point all the things out ,so i just told her to start acting like a girl-friend , told her if these things don't change within a couple of weeks and stay,i'm just better off by myself .she asked what does acting like a girl-friend mean ,i told her i can't tell you what to do , change or anything that she'd need to figure that one out .soo i'll just wait n see what happens now
devilish innocent Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 You really should be more specific about what you're looking for. "Acting like a girlfriend" can mean different things to different people. To some people it might mean saying "I love you", spending time with you, cooking for you, etc. She might think she's already behaving like a girlfriend and not understand why you're unhappy. She wanted specifics so she can do the things that are important to you. You really shouldn't be afraid to ask for more intimacy or for occasional gifts. Right now, you're being a real poor communicator by telling her there's a problem, but not explaining what it is. A lot of girl would give up and leave you just for that. My husband was really terrible about the gifts he got me the first year and a half of our relationship. Then I pointed it out to him and told him it bothered me. After that, he was great about it. The intimacy thing sounds like more of a problem. It seems like you have different libidos and that can make the relationship unsustainable. If you want to give her a chance to change, though, then it's best to be clear about what's bothering you.
Author mra234 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 i hear what you're saying , about the gift things that's not a deal breaker .it's the other things .i've explained in the past to her about [ for instance] weekends .she's off ,i work until 1 or 2 pm .i understand she works all week and has things to do . but not calling or meeting up until 11 pm or so and then she's too tired to go out , it's too late for dinner etc .i said just make a compromise do your thing be with your girl friends until like 4 pm or so then we have time together ,her answer was well i don't always drive i'm at their mercy .so i said tell them you'd like to be home a decent time so you can be with your guy . i call it acting/thinking like a girl friend .basically it's just consideration for me i guess .she knows of the issues because i point them out when they happen BUT seems like it goes in one ear and out the other . the intimacy [sex] thing it frustrates me sure whenever i try to be with her that way , and get an excuse i feel rejected .she knows this apologies and just says the excuse again .so i just go on to my sofa.i'm not gonna force or push the issue in hopes it straightens itself out . When she wants to she can be an awesome girl-friend and i always compliment and say stay like this she's caring,she listens ,helps out ,she's considerate.i know in life you're not always going to be one way all the time BUT lately i haven't seen too much of that side of her
preraph Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Well i've talked to her [ yet again] i just told her straight out i'm not happy , she said she sees that BUT doesn't know why .i didn't want to sit their and point all the things out ,so i just told her to start acting like a girl-friend , told her if these things don't change within a couple of weeks and stay,i'm just better off by myself .she asked what does acting like a girl-friend mean ,i told her i can't tell you what to do , change or anything that she'd need to figure that one out .soo i'll just wait n see what happens now Tell her a girlfriend isn't just there to share the rent and that you want a girlfriend, not a roommate and give her her notice. She's playing dumb because she thinks you'll put up with it. You can't make her want to have sex with you, but you can make her move out.
coolheadal Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Sounds like your being used my friend. She only doing what she wants to do with you and that's it. Only what suits her not you. She has you under her spell. Look at you, such wreck and you don't even know it. Quit while you can. This girl is a player making her rounds and when she ready she'll pay you a visit. Can't you see what's going on, but you can't because you so caught up into the web she has sprung on you. Need to get a pair of scissors and cut your loses and get away from her fast. She really doesn't have time for you. Why do you even want such a person. You'll never be happy this way. Go find a girl that's not so complicated okay..
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