Eevee Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 So my BF recently had a car-crash. He wasn't injured thankfully but he told me that he'd written off the car that he hit. Apparently one car braked suddenly and he couldn't break in time to avoid smashing into the car in front. My worry here is that I've been expecting something like this to happen for months. He's mad about cars but seemingly not about safety. He always drives fast (one time he told me he wasn't even sure what the speed limit was when we were out together in the car) plus he drives waaay to close to the edge of the road, I've felt the wheels dip down into the mud/grass at the side of the road on several occasions. He takes zero care of his car - there was a problem with the exhaust last year and he said he could see fumes so I was the one who had to tell him to get it sorted ASAP (paranoid about C0 poisoning on my part maybe) Plus he has a scary habit of driving not only one handed but with just the palm of his hand (weird to describe, just doesn't grip the wheel at all) Now that this has happened I'm really worried not only about him but about accepting lifts in his car. Has anyone had this issue before? Any tips for getting around it?
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Where I live driving lessons are obligatory, you? When you rear end someone it's 100% your fault. No excuses. You were driving too fast, too close, and were not paying attention. Yep! I do have a way around this, I would not get in his car, ever. I would tell him he is a public danger and it's just a matter of time before he kills himself or worse - he kills someone else!! I am ready to bet he uses his phone and text while driving too. 1
Gary S Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Some thoughts: People who are not responsible are not the best relationship material. I take it he is young? Maybe he has some growing up to do. But if he's driving off the road, maybe he needs to get his eyes checked, he might need glasses? Is he in the U.S.? If he keeps driving like that, he'll get tickets and might have to take driving school... sounds like he could use it. Does he drive a big car/truck? - that would be safer... this guy needs a tank, lol
PegNosePete Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Any tips for getting around it? Yes, tell him that you do not feel safe getting into a car when he is behind the wheel, and that you will no longer be accepting lifts from him. From now on you will either be driving yourself or using public transport.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 So my BF recently had a car-crash. He wasn't injured thankfully but he told me that he'd written off the car that he hit. Apparently one car braked suddenly and he couldn't break in time to avoid smashing into the car in front. My worry here is that I've been expecting something like this to happen for months. He's mad about cars but seemingly not about safety. He always drives fast (one time he told me he wasn't even sure what the speed limit was when we were out together in the car) plus he drives waaay to close to the edge of the road, I've felt the wheels dip down into the mud/grass at the side of the road on several occasions. He takes zero care of his car - there was a problem with the exhaust last year and he said he could see fumes so I was the one who had to tell him to get it sorted ASAP (paranoid about C0 poisoning on my part maybe) Plus he has a scary habit of driving not only one handed but with just the palm of his hand (weird to describe, just doesn't grip the wheel at all) Now that this has happened I'm really worried not only about him but about accepting lifts in his car. Has anyone had this issue before? Any tips for getting around it? Sounds dangerous. I couldn't be with someone like this. I would be living in fear all the time, be anxious about losing them all the time. imagine you have children one day, will he forget to buckle up the baby in the back? I don't know, this is not husband material. Not sure if you are looking to marry this guy, but if you are, you should probably take a few steps back and re-evaluate if you could imagine being with someone who doesn't take 'life so serious', apparently.
toscaroscura Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 How old is he? I know (and knew) lots of young guys who think they are amazing drivers and invincible, when in fact they are angry** and/or reckless. I think it's a macho thing, before a young man becomes secure in his masculinity? He feels the need to posture and cars are traditionally a masculine interest. Good at driving means "in control", and to admit you need help becoming a better driver seems weak. Does he balk when you want to drive? I wouldn't go so far as to say he's not husband material one day, when he grows up, but certainly don't put your own safety at risk. ** consistent road rage, even if the person isn't a terrible driver, is a huge red flag!
Author Eevee Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Some thoughts: People who are not responsible are not the best relationship material. I take it he is young? Maybe he has some growing up to do. But if he's driving off the road, maybe he needs to get his eyes checked, he might need glasses? Is he in the U.S.? If he keeps driving like that, he'll get tickets and might have to take driving school... sounds like he could use it. Does he drive a big car/truck? - that would be safer... this guy needs a tank, lol Sure he is young but he's been driving since he was 17 and is 22 now. If it weren't for the fact that usually he's pretty eagle-eyed I'd agree on the glasses thing! His current car is pretty massive as it is - I'd prefer a more 'normal' sized car myself but obviously that's not my choice
GemmaUK Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 He won't change. You 'should' be more precious carriage - same as absolutely anyone else in his car.. You're not. I don't know how old you are but it's likely a baby won't be precious carriage to him either. One of my ex's - his wife doesn't let him drive as he is a classic 'catch up to the car in front and 'breeeaaaak hard' guy. He always was. They have a little one and she does not trust him to drive. Neither would I. One of our dogs was flung into the front seats once - I managed to catch her just in tme before she went through or hit the windscreen. She was freaked!
Author Eevee Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 What happens when you drive (him as passenger)? Sadly I don't have a car of my own yet (still in Uni *sigh*) He is the type to insist on driving though...
carhill Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 His demeanor as a passenger, when viewed alongside his observed driving and your belief that he insists on driving, should give you the information you need to decide on this issue as it relates to his personality and appropriateness for an interpersonal relationship with yourself. Think of the driving thing as one canary in the coal mine. Normally, we ride with other people all the time and don't think anything of it. Once in awhile, though, a canary dies. Our senses are telling us something isn't fitting well in our world. Is it nothing or a harbinger of doom? Unknown. Work through it and see.
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