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My boyfriend does not buy me presents, does he love me？

lisa007

By lisa007
in General Relationship Discussion

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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We have been dating for over six months now. He pays for dinner all the time. For xmas, he did not have any special plans, except take me to a Japanese restaurant. For V-day, he only gave me a box of chocolates. Does he really care about me? He talked about getting married before, I need to know if he is the one...

organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

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We have been dating for over six months now. He pays for dinner all the time. For xmas, he did not have any special plans, except take me to a Japanese restaurant. For V-day, he only gave me a box of chocolates. Does he really care about me? He talked about getting married before, I need to know if he is the one...

 

Dump him. He's not the one for you.

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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Dump him. He's not the one for you.

 

Maybe he's just not good at picking gifts? But I thought that if a guy is really into you, he would want to buy gifts for you all the time. But obviously he's not that kind of guy.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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lisa007,

You say he buys you dinner all the time and he did buy you a gift for Valentine's Day, so what more do you want?

 

If you want gifts all the time you are a gold-digger IMO.

 

You want to know where you stand - why not ask him? :rolleyes:

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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lisa007,

You say he buys you dinner all the time and he did buy you a gift for Valentine's Day, so what more do you want?

 

If you want gifts all the time you are a gold-digger IMO.

 

You want to know where you stand - why not ask him? :rolleyes:

 

i don't want gifts ALL THE TIME but I'd like a special gift for a special occasion. I spent a lot of time thinking abt my v-day gift for him, I just wish he had spent more time figuring out a more special present, other than the most common chocolate

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

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lisa007,

Most guys are pretty clueless about gifts, so get used to it, it's a "man thing".:rolleyes:

 

If that's all that's bugging you about this guy I don't think you have much to worry about - unless there is something else on your mind.....?

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Have you told him that you want him to buy you more gifts? He may not know how important receiving gifts is to you.

 

Btw do you think that there are other ways he can show you that he loves you?

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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lisa007,

Most guys are pretty clueless about gifts, so get used to it, it's a "man thing".:rolleyes:

 

If that's all that's bugging you about this guy I don't think you have much to worry about - unless there is something else on your mind.....?

 

The gift thing has been bugging me for a while. And he's never said he loves me.

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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Have you told him that you want him to buy you more gifts? He may not know how important receiving gifts is to you.

 

Btw do you think that there are other ways he can show you that he loves you?

 

I don't think I can tell him straightforward. I'm too shy for that.

 

I need to know if he cares about me. For example, if we don't see each other for a few days, he's never said he misses me. And I ask him whether he misses me, he laughs and says, of course! But I don't feel it.

SolG Established Member

SolG

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Read Chapman's 'The Five Love Languages' with him. You clearly have different preferences regarding how love should be expressed. I personally see gifts as pretty unimportant... but everybody's different. And that's the point OP.

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regine_phalange Established Member

regine_phalange

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He seems to be trying to please you. Do you buy him presents (since he always pays for dinner)?

Els Established Member

Els

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I don't think I can tell him straightforward. I'm too shy for that.

 

How old are you? You need to learn to communicate your thoughts and desires (nicely) if you want to ever have a shot at a healthy R. Nobody can read your mind.

 

I need to know if he cares about me. For example, if we don't see each other for a few days, he's never said he misses me. And I ask him whether he misses me, he laughs and says, of course! But I don't feel it.

 

Are you REALLY expecting someone to say they missed you after a few DAYS apart?!?! :lmao:

 

That being said, read up on the five love languages as others suggested.

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Sorry but this sounds like the female equivalent of "she doesn't want to have sex yet, does she love me?" :rolleyes:

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lisa007 New Member

lisa007

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I bought him vacation and designer belt. The point is I spent a lot of time thinking abt what to get him

kenji_t Member

kenji_t

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You can't build a relationship based on fullfiling expectations about your partner.

 

If receiving gifts is THAT important to you, communicate this to your boyfriend. He can't read your mind and it's really unfair for him for you to keep silent and resent him from inside just because he didn't do what you thought it was right for him to do.

 

Maybe this idea of giving gifts is not really important for him, it isn't for me also...

 

A friend of mine told me his wife ASKED him to say "I love you" more often because she cared about it. And guess what? He started saying it, because he had NO IDEA how much it meant for his wife. Easy, huh?

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mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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OP, if you are too afraid/shy to speak up and think buying gifts means that you love someone.....then you have some serious growing up to do.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Gosh, I don't know where you got the idea that having a boyfriend meant he gives you gifts for no reason, but I can tell you that in Texas where I live, men don't do much random gift giving. In fact, the only time you see it much is when there's an imbalance of power in the relationship, like he's a toad and she's a goddess. And six months is a very short relationship, though I wouldn't expect the gift giving to start later other than when and if he wants to put a ring on it, at which time, well, a ring. A box of chocolates on V-Day is a perfectly acceptable gift. Especially for someone you've only been seeing six months, but really for anytime. That's what my dad got my mom every year of their marriage, and it was mostly so he could eat chocolates.

 

You sound awfully materialistic, as if you want monetary reward for being someone's girlfriend. That's not being a girlfriend. That's being something else entirely.

 

Once you've been together a year, maybe he'll get you something small for Christmas, but taking you out was a nice gift in itself. Not everyone has the same traditions.

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Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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I don't think that gift giving has much to do with whether he loves you or not but the fact that he has not told you he loves you is probably important.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You can't measure somebody's feelings with money.

 

That said, everyone comes to a relationship with certain expectations. I would be upset if my SO did not get me gifts on major gift giving holidays. It's no so much about the money but money is a factor & so is the thoughtfulness. I despise gift cards & don't like it when people closest to me give them to me because IMO it shows a lack of effort.

 

Before you dump him over this, you have to talk to him. He probably never "did" the whole gift exchange thing before & doesn't know what you expect. You have to tell him. It took me a while get DH around to my way of gift giving which is far for extravagant then his. He had seen other examples in my family but it was new to him.

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

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As someone who has a BF who's bad at gifts (and verbal affirmation), I guarantee it's not because he doesn't love you.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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We have been dating for over six months now. He pays for dinner all the time. For xmas, he did not have any special plans, except take me to a Japanese restaurant. For V-day, he only gave me a box of chocolates. Does he really care about me? He talked about getting married before, I need to know if he is the one...

 

You said he buys you no presents but said he bought you chocolates and took you out for Christmas and buys dinner all the time. I thought you meant he had NEVER every bought you anything.

 

If gifts are your thing you can find a way to mention that to him. One of my love languages is gifts. They don't need to be big or expensive, but little thoughtful things like picking up my favorite chocolate and stuff like that mean a lot to me. But everyone is different and you cannot assume a man will automatically know this or do this and him doing or not doing it doesn't really say anything about whether or not he loves you, it might simply not be on his radar as it might not be his love language.

Edited by MissBee
preraph Established Member

preraph

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I was watching Wendy Williams show the other day (daytime talk show host) and she was answering audience questions in her "Ask Wendy" segment. A girl said she and her boyfriend got in a big fight because they had been together for a year and he wouldn't buy her a diamond bracelet. Wendy called her a hoochie golddigger and told her that maybe her boyfriend would forgive her if she apologized real nice and never brought up the subject again but that she doubted it because no man wants to be with a golddigger.

 

I really am curious where girls are getting the idea this is normal. The only place I can think of is if they watch nothing but Kardashians and other "reality" tv where people are throwing money around left and right and that maybe they don't realize that's not real life and is just for the cameras and half the time a sponsor provided the gift for free advertising.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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We have been dating for over six months now. He pays for dinner all the time. For xmas, he did not have any special plans, except take me to a Japanese restaurant. For V-day, he only gave me a box of chocolates. Does he really care about me? He talked about getting married before, I need to know if he is the one...

 

So him taking you out to dinner and buying you chocolates means?? Why are you equating his love for you by him buying (or not buying) you gifts?

 

What counts is how he treats you daily, is he attentive and loving? Kindhearted and fun to be with? Friendly and easy going with you?

 

Ask him if he cares about you. We don't know him or your relationship with him, your dynamic in the relationship. You say he has brought up marriage, so of course he cares.

 

Talk to him and tell him what your needs are and what you expect. If gifts are important to you and you want to judge his love and care for you by how much he spends on you, what he buys for you, he needs to know that, he can't read your mind.

 

Just remember, you could be going out with a guy who is an a-hole, treats you horribly yet buys you expensive gifts. Just think about it.

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