spiderowl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Sorry to hear what happened. I'm sure you didn't say anything wrong. Maybe you didn't let him talk for hours about himself (which some guys are rather fond of doing). No, I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong. He probably just picked up a sense of what you were looking for and what he was looking for. Sometimes it is just a basic chemistry thing. There is no point agonising about this. For some reason you two molecules just bounced off each other and went in separate directions. It happens and I bet neither of you knew exactly why, it was just a feeling. It hurts when you feel differently but he could have sensed for example: - that you were unlikely to be into kinky things - that you wanted something serious not a one-night stand - that you were more interesting in caring things than sport and so on.
Gary S Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you so much everyone for your answers. It's made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. I had thought that I had done something or said something wrong, but you're all right in that if he felt a connection, that wouldn't have mattered. He was very attractive, maybe that's why I was extra nervous. One question I do have though is on initial chemistry/attraction. I have been seeing someone else from eharmony 3 times, 4 tonight as we are going out for dinner, and I was not initially attracted to him. However, he is a gentleman, has a great career and seems very interested in me. Conversation seems to go well too. So, do you think that chemistry and attraction will grow? Unlike my date last night I am willing to give it a chance, is this a good idea? - unless by some miracle he goes for the first kiss tonight, no. Ya won't have any chemistry if he does not kiss you within 4 dates. If you're not kissing, you're just wishing.
neowulf Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 The line I tell myself when ever I go on a date.. "It's only a beer, we're not picking out curtains..." You are both strangers. There is nothing to say you're going to "click" and hit it off. Relationships between people are like keys & locks. Neither is faulty if they don't fit one another. It's just simple the wrong combination. You had a pleasant date with a nice guy. Life goes on
Author laelithia Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 (edited) Having given it some reflection, I think what upset me about the date is that because I was late I was frazzled and unprepared and not at my best. I also didn't like the environment of the coffee shop as people were sitting so close to us and eavesdropping on our conversations and I felt self conscious. I think in the future I will make sure I'm calm and collected for the date, and definitely not late and out of sorts. Also he suggested drinks or coffee and I could have said drinks instead. All of this makes me wonder if he would have felt the same way had I been more myself and comfortable. It's too bad that I'll never know. Part of me wants to explain this and ask for a second date but I realize how crazy that sounds haha As for the other one, I saw him tonight and I definitely think there could be something there. He really is a gentleman and remembers things that I say and always treats me to whatever. He did try and pull some moves on me tonight to which I said I'm not quite ready yet, hopefully he understands. That being said, I definitely feel more attracted to him now so I think it can grow. He seems like the type of guy that would take good care of a woman. Edited March 10, 2015 by laelithia
Author laelithia Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 In your opinion, how much would having a bad first date dictate whether or not you would date someone? I can't help but wonder if I had been more prepared and ready for the date would he still have felt like it wasn't a match? Thinking back now I remember saying totally unnecessary things about past relationships and I normally would never do that on a first date. I really just felt flustered. Perhaps though it could be that our dynamic made me feel that way as well?
Foretold Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 1. It truly depends on your purpose of dating. Is it just for fun (casual dating)? Or is it for something serious, like long-term (marriage and possibly a child or children)? If it's for long-term, judging just based on a bad first date, is not the right thing to do unless there are glaring bad signs. For instance, if the person has been out of a job for 6 months straight and has no goals of getting back to the job market soon. 2. In terms of preparation, I am a firm believer in the motto that failing to prepare is preparing to fail. So yes, if you prepared more beforehand, that could've influenced the outcome to be better. But I think you should take this as a learning experience and look forward to what you can do in the future because we can't change the past. For instance, when I asked my special someone to be my girlfriend, I eventually found out she was blown out of the water and wanted to take it slow in getting to know me rather than slap a label on us so fast. But I can't change that moment, I can only learn from it and do my best with her.
EgoJoe Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I read the first post only and as a guy who has done this: He thought he could find a better match and this is no reflection of your self worth. He respected you enough to tell you. Take that as a compliment. 1
Author laelithia Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 I read the first post only and as a guy who has done this: He thought he could find a better match and this is no reflection of your self worth. He respected you enough to tell you. Take that as a compliment. This is what I wanted to hear haha thank you!
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