Has anyone here had a breakup they never fully recovered from??

[Ordinaryday]

I have read lots of advice, both on here and on other sites, about how eventually you will be completely 100% over the dumper and you will come to see them as nothing, and there will be no ill-will, no malice, you will just forget about them completely.

 

a lot of dumpees strive for this stage, and I admit I have achieved it with several of the past relationships I have had.

 

but there has been two relationships I am pretty certain I will never be entirely over. the way I was treated really hurt me and the way they just gave up on me and dumped me when I needed them most caused a lot of resentment on my part.

 

I dont sit at home stewing about it, I am mostly fine and have tried to forget about the dumpers, but I can honestly say that I am not 100% over them or the relationship. even though it happened years ago I am still not at the stage where I would be able to have even one minute of small talk with them, if they approached me I would walk away from them.

 

Like I said, I dont sit at home crying about it, but I can say that I am not entirely over what happened - too many hard feelings and too much resentment for me to just close the book on that chapter and make small talk with them every now and then.

 

One of the women emailed me about a year ago just to say hi and to my credit I just ignored the email, deleted it without responding - this was the lesser of two evils in my view, because what I really wanted to do was email her an abusive letter telling her to never contact me again. deleting it without responding took a lot of my strength.

 

I can honestly say I dont think I will ever be at the stage where I am entirely over these two dumpers, and could chat to them or add them on fb.

 

so have you ever had a long ago relationship that you are still not 100% over? how was it?

[erklat]

I hear you what are you saying on this topic.

 

This last breakup that broke me in half is of that kind. I think that you're giving too

much significance to not being able to talk to them. There are people who you

Have no romantic past with that you don't talk with or something like that. Important

is that you don't let resentment consume you, but it's quite normal not to give

forgiveness.

 

It only shows you cared deeply for them at one point and that was unrequited.

[somedude81]

My ex of six months dumped me in December 2013 and I'm still not fully over her. I believe that a big part of that is because I haven't dated anybody since then. Oddly enough I've had a lot of sex with a FWB for a few months but it's not the same thing as having a girlfriend. Emotions play a huge part.

[sabd]

My BF of 6 years dumped me in a text message 4 years ago. It took me 2 years to get over him and even though we have a decent friendship these days and still work together, I feel a little pang every time I know he's in contact with his new love. Just a little tug on my ego, that's all.

[Ieris]

Luckily I have gotten over all my break ups, it's the broken friendships that I find the hardest to get over =_=

[frigginlost]

I was married for 17 years and had a wife walk out on me with no notice. It took me 2 years to date someone again. When I did, I found someone and she ended up cheating on me with her ex.

 

The ending of the marriage crushed me. The losing of the woman who I thought would replace the ex-wife, destroyed me. I don't think I will ever get over the love lost in the last 25 years of my life.

 

An elderly gentlemen once told me "son, you never 'get over' it. You simply learn to live with it".

 

Those words resonate with me....

[minimariah]

i did.

 

i don't feel anything for my X anymore, i'm over him.

but i think i'll always feel deep sadness over what he did to me. i never understood what did i do to deserve so much pain & hurt.

 

i don't think i'll ever fully recover from it.

& that's okay. i accepted it as something that happened and cannot be changed and as something that helped me grow & learn more about life and myself.

 

i think i'll always feel sad when i remember all those emotions and what happened... it is what it is. it was a very painful period in my life and remembering will always be painful for me.

[Loempia741]

I'm still not over my break-up from 2 years ago. Things are better but she still casually slips into my mind. The hardest part is that everyone around you, including her is moving on far beyond my reach. I mean, so much time has passed that people wouldn't understand me mourning anymore.

 

So I silently move on myself, very slowly and cautiously, picking up the pieces of my broken heart along the way.

 

The breakup-up changed me, I'd like to think for the better. I did become a more mature person, but my playful side has somewhat vaporised.

 

I think a part of me was left behind in the relationship. And all I have left are regrets and lessons learned.

 

I think break-ups are part of growing up. And growning up means letting go of our old selves. Making a leap into the dark unknown, with all it's fears and uncertainties. We stand, wavering at the abyss, and instead of taking the leap forward we long for happy times that have been.

 

That's what makes a break so goddamn hard.. The happiness you could have had but let slip.

[Itspointless]

Some things will always remain hard, even as you have become used to your life and the story as it is. We then forget a bit - if we are luckily - how we actually felt. Unfortunately often-times things add up as in the example of frigginlost as our bodies do remember. Dealing with our emotions seems to be the secret. Sometimes we have to take a deep dive with everything we know taking a chance, hoping that we wont hit the ground for a long time. That chance brought me here

[Zapbasket]

I have realized that every one of my breakups has affected me deeply. There always is some lingering effect of the pain caused by a breakup, especially when you feel blindsided or mistreated in some way.

 

My 2007 breakup, I thought I was "over," but truly it altered the whole course of my life, and set me "off course" in many ways because I was so hurt and and surprised that I lost touch with myself--what I wanted, who I wanted to be, how I felt I deserved to be treated, etc.

 

My 2009 breakup was the breakup of what I only realized a few years later was a rebound relationship for me, with a narcissist. The relationship and the situation in which I found myself in the aftermath--in a new part of the country, with no friends, no job, no car, no home, no drivers' license--was so deeply humiliating that it altered me in some fundamental, deep, subtle way that I only recognized recently.

 

And my 2013 breakup--my most recent breakup--has hurt me deeply, the more so because I see how I have not served myself by getting involved with the kind of men I have been involved with. I haven't asked for what I truly need and want in a relationship, and instead I've had men who clearly had no real regard for me otherwise they'd have treated me better. That hurts more than anything any guy I've dated has done or not done.

 

But to me it's all a lesson in how badly we can hurt others, sometimes without even intending to. None of the guys I was with showed any empathy. They were selfish, self-centric, and frankly, jerks. I don't want to be like that, leaving someone with such hurt and pain and the knowledge that I clearly must not have cared. We can contribute to making someone's life wonderful, or making it suck. And while no one has the power to "make" someone's life one way or another, we have a lot more impact on each others' emotional well-being than we think. That is one of many lessons I've taken from all the heartbreaks of the past 6-7 years.