jc63 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 This is my first time posting in this section. I hope I'm in the right place… Long story short, I've been divorced for awhile now and I'm dating a woman that I love more than I've ever loved someone. My problem is knowing that my ex wife cheated (but never admitted it) makes me incredibly insecure sometimes. My gf and I love each other very much and we both tell each other how we're the happiest we've ever been. However, I keep having these thoughts about her doing the same thing my ex did, whether it be today, tomorrow, or years from now. I know my gf is NOT like my ex, she's so much better and I know she loves me. My question is…How the hell do I get rid of these thoughts and learn to trust her? I don't want to feel suspicious and guarded all the time! And I know women HATE insecurity. This issue has not caused any arguments between us yet because I'm trying to keep it under control before it drives her away. I just need some tips from those of you who have been cheated on and betrayed.
dichotomy Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) How do you know she loves you? Have you ever asked her what it means to love someone? What would be unloving? I mean set aside an hour for this talk with her, have some wine - and really discuss what loving someone means. Sex, sacrifice, comprise, feelings, support, honesty, actions - what is loving???? You might be surprised that some people do not share the same meaning of saying "I love you". Have you two had a discussion about cheating and why people cheat ...is it ever justified - and what is considered cheating on someone? Again - a really deep discussion on it - not from you being scared about cheating (please don't show insecurity to her) - but from an deep intellectual and heartfelt standpoint - wanting to know how she sees cheating and why and how people cheat. I say this to you - because one step to trusting is to make sure two partners share the same beliefs, attitudes and definitions on things. Don't assume what she thinks or believes or feels on these issues - really talk them out. Lastly - "All dogs can bite you". This is a phrase me and some have mentioned. That is - no matter how nice a dog you may want to have a as a companion - even a cuddly silly golden retriever - can bite you when they hurt, sick or scared. In other words - you trust that all living creatures - and human beings - can hurt someone. Accept that, and move beyond blind absolute trust, and accept only a measure of trust - and that includes yourself. Edited March 9, 2015 by dichotomy
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