How to connect with a man emotionally or via his heart instead of his mind only?

[ktragers]

I realize that sometimes we feel an instant connection or attraction with some people we meet for the first time, while other times things need to take some time, but I feel like I really suck at the latter that I tend to subconsciously screw up a chance with a guy that could have been great for me. A lot of times I personally feel a connection with the person but he actually doesn't feel much back, so essentially he starts off really loving and caring and invested, and then becomes distant and uninterested after a while when he still doesn't feel anything back.

 

I know we can't really force these things but a while ago I was with a guy I'm extremely compatible with for a few months - we're like the same person (same personality, communication style, outlook on life, values, etc.). He also realized that I could be really good to/for him but he just didn't feel a romantic connection. In the end I looked back and felt like I mostly connected to his mind when I was so proud that I was smart and logical, always a willing listener to his problems, and understood him really well, etc. However I guess I never truly connected to his heart, which is something I can't seem to figure out. We talked really well, we could easily be best friends, and we had so much in common, so I just couldn't figure out why he just didn't feel anything beyond friendship with me. In the meantime, there was an ex that he just couldn't get over no matter how hard he tried, and that girl was almost toxic to him - exact opposite of him, totally different values, they rarely communicated well, yet he felt like she was really fun and they had great rapport with each other.

 

Anyway, my confusion is that how women fail to connect with men emotionally when we have the chance? To be honest, I feel like if there's not much attraction in the first place, then it'd probably be hard to see one down the road no matter how hard you try.

[Versacehottie]

Be a good listener, a guy will tell you the answer to this question with what he talks about and little hints within his statements and questions. Be a challenge, mentally. That doesn't mean playing hard to get or being a bitch. But don't show yourself as a pushover or too available or easy to get. Handle everything with confidence. Act like he is fortunate to be in your world and grateful that you are in his by stroking his ego but not ALL the time. Definitely have opinions and express them. Funny enough, to connect with his heart I think it means you have to challenge them mentally and spark that thing where they believe that you aren't totally in their grasp because you're smart enough, confident enough, stand up for yourself enough to walk if they mess up. Keep them on their toes. It's definitely not the easiest thing to figure out. But if you are confident above all that shines thru and conveys the right message.

[Leigh 87]

The instant attractions and connections are usually more intense than when you meet someone, aren't that into them at first and they don't really knock your socks off.

 

Some people are very satisfied with a 10/10 compatibility and a connection and attraction that isnt instant or intense: a 7/10 chemistry you could call it.

 

Others such as myself, recognise that for us, the connection attraction and therefore, chemistry, either knock your socks off instant, or it never really develops to an intense level.

 

It's a sliding scale... You find a highly compatible partner that you may simply not feel strongly emotions for and therefore have to try to enjoy your fantastic compatibility and work a little harder to create physical and emotional chemistry.

 

Or alternatively, your ex cannot get a girl out of his head despite not being all that compatible, because he obviously felt more intense physical and emotional chemistry.

Even the men I've been very compatible with, I've tried dating them and honestly it never felt the same as dating one of the men I just naturally felt strongly for.

 

I personally need a high degree of emotional and physical chemistry AND also plenty of compatibility..... It takes longer to find than a partner you love being around without arguing yet who you're not intensely passionate about the way u were with some exes.. But getting the whole package does happen if you're willing to remain single for a few more years.

 

Emotional chemistry comes from the heart. It's why your heart simply feels stronger towards the wrong person... and yet the ideal partner for you in terms of compatibility, may simply not be able to make you feel as strong of an emotion towards then as you do for the less compatible candidate....

[Buddhist]

I realize that sometimes we feel an instant connection or attraction with some people we meet for the first time, while other times things need to take some time,

 

In the meantime, there was an ex that he just couldn't get over no matter how hard he tried, and that girl was almost toxic to him -

 

Anyway, my confusion is that how women fail to connect with men emotionally when we have the chance? To be honest, I feel like if there's not much attraction in the first place, then it'd probably be hard to see one down the road no matter how hard you try.

 

What you are describing isn't a great emotional connection although it easy for women to think that's what it's about. Men don't connect the way women do. If a guy is almost addicted to someone like that, it's about testosterone and how hot she looks most of the time. Nothing to do with emotions, everything to do with visuals and the idea in his head that she is hotter than women he normally dates. It's a very simple thing.

 

People are rarely logical in their choice of partner, they tend to gravitate to the one that gives them the biggest chemical hit. It explains why both men and women will persist with relationships that blind freddy can see are terrible. It's all about the hormone rush.

 

Men will form emotional connections with women but they appear to be much more prone to just forming relationships based on hormones to be honest. Compatibility in many males eye's has to do with how good looking the woman is. Just read the many threads where a guy has 'fallen out of love' with their partner. Invariably what they describe is the loss of hormonal response to their partner and even if that person otherwise shows good character traits and is still attractive it only takes a more attractive person for them to walk out on their partners.

 

Modern society also places far too much emphasis on achieving that hormone rush and so people become fearful when it naturally goes away, and it does every single time. Our bodies would suffer adrenal burnout if it didn't. It's this tendency of males to just be hormone junkies which is why I no longer bother with anything long term.

[Assada]

Sounds like you werent being proactive with your feelings for this guy.

 

be proactive, and maybe take some ques from his ex

[Popsicle]

It is normal and natural to want someone who is in touch with their emotions. Men may not be in touch so much so they want a woman to help him with that. To do that, she naturally has to be emotional herself.

[Gary S]

The top things sane men want from a woman (not necessarily in this order):

 

Attractive

 

Easy to get along with and make them comfortable, helpful, giving (no nagging)

 

Loyalty

 

Recreational companionship

 

A nice domestic/home environment with cooperation he wants help, and a good man wants to help too (he may like to fix stuff, BBQ, etc.)

 

sex

 

trust

 

They like some romantic stuff too

 

respect

[crazycanuck86]

Well the hard truth is no one is 100% compatable with anyone, also emotionally investing in a relationship is a lot of risk for both men and womenand if someone was really scared before then its understandable if their a little bit hesitent

 

If you feel that connection with a guy the the best remedy for him is time, let him get to know you, don't force him to open up and build trust.